Post # 32
The thing is, I didn’t see at all how these things could be bad things to post. One was making fun of myself (or so I thought) and the other I thought was harmless, so I couldn’t have anticipated that anyone would be bothered by it. I agree with you all that I shouldn’t post anything that I know will cause a problem (and I don’t!) but I seriously just had no idea any of these things would be seen as insulting.
For more on my Future Mother-In-Law, see this post: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/stand-up-for-myself-or-smile-and-nod-fmil-opinionated-always-gets-her-way#axzz2mcbFlj6n
There’s a long history (6 years of her being a jerk), and I’ve tried very hard to get my Future Mother-In-Law to like/accept me, so I can get very sensitive when my Fiance puts the burden on me rather than telling his mom that she’s being terrible.
Post # 33
Block her and be done with it. And tell you FH any FB comments critiques you will not hear moving forward.
Post # 34
My initial thought was that maybe it’s genuinely upsetting your Fiance and he’s passing it off as upsetting his parents. Even if your intention wasn’t to be hurtful, it is a little mean to publically point out that he went to douchey colleges or poking fun at yourself by essentially calling him selfish. “Relax, can’t you take a joke?” type humor can be grating if it happens all the time, whether it’s his or his parents’ perspective. Maybe ask him point blank if he’s hurt by it, apologize if he is, and then reel it in; or, if he genuinely thinks it’s funny, take it to PMs where it won’t get misunderstood. Facebook really isn’t worth driving a wedge between you and him/you and his parents/him and his parents.
Post # 35
Yeah, we talked about that. We had vastly different interpretations of the food joke (since everyone knows I’m the selfish one about food, I thought it was obvious that I was making fun of myself) so I’m going to chalk that up to a lost in translation thing. The college one I understand. I asked some mutual friends and they tended to agree with me that it was an appropriate joke because his undergrad was filled with douchey guys and he is definitely not one of them, but I completely see why my Fiance wouldn’t like the joke, so I apologized for that one and will keep his feelings in mind about similar things in the future. I agree Facebook is not worth a fight – it was much more about how his parents treat me and the dynamic with them, where I’m made to feel like I have to keep trying to kiss up to someone who is always rude/mean to me.
Post # 35
You can block her on Facebook, or change your settings so that she can’t see anything you post without having to block her. Then even if you tag him in something or write it directly on his wall, she won’t be able to see it.
Post # 36
You can make it so that when you post things like that ONLY he (plus a couple of friends if you want) can see it. To be honest if I was from the outside looking in and read those posts I might thonk that there was trouble in paradise.
I kind of agree with your Fiance that you need to pick your battles and if a slight change in behaviour (like limiting how viable your posts are) can curry better favour with her for the next big, important fight, then I would do it.
I can also see how others feel that “if you give an inch they take a mile”, I guess it really depends on which strategy you think will work best.