(Closed) More FSIL Issues *SUPER LONG*

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m sorry you are going through this but 4 months between weddings is PLENTY of time, there are girls on here with family members who plan their wedding within weeks of eachother! You can’t expect her to wait another year and she can’t expect you to wait another year. Yes, she was engaged first but she was dragging her feet on planning a wedding so you did nothing wrong by going ahead and making plans for yours, you can’t wait forever. Is there a reason why you can’t have two flower girls? I mean this little girl is your FI’s niece. You need to pick your battles this girl will be your family forever, is this worth it?

Post # 5
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Whatever you can do to make things peaceful just do it. It is so not worth having family drama and putting your Fiance in a position where his future wife and sister don’t get along. 4 months is plenty of time in between. Not really sure why you don’t wan’t your fiances niece , your future niece as a flower girl. I think its strange that she keep pressing the issue but that should have been an easy compramise for you to make, it’s not abnormal to have more than 1 flower girl and that would probably mean a lot to your fiance.. 

Post # 6
Member
939 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I have a feeling a lot of people are going to tell you to give in and have two flower girls.  But i’m of the opinion that you can’t give in to people’s rude behavior either.  Stand up for what you want.  I’m very much a people pleaser, I try to make everyone happy.  BUT i would not set a precedent of giving in to your Future Sister-In-Law.  Just because you’re starting to build a relationship doesn’t mean she gets to dictate your wedding details.  

Post # 8
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

First of all the term “renigging” is very offense.

Second of all to say that you didn’t argue over the best man is irrelevant. That is is his niece and this is his wedding. If he wants her as a flower girl then she should be one, if he doesn’t care then it should be up to you to decide. This arguement is not worth the drama. 

Post # 9
Member
939 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

If it were me, i would just carry on like everything is settled. If she brings it up, just reiterate that you only want one, and you chose one.  be as polite as possible, but firm.  In all weddings some people are going to be left out, that’s just how it is.  You can’t make everyone happy.

Post # 10
Member
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@armychica06:  Just be civil and polite to her in the future. Don’t discuss your wedding plans with her at the birthday party.

Yes, your wedding is your special day but keep in mind that it is just ONE day then you have your whole life with your new Darling Husband and he comes with family. If I were you I would try to keep the peace with her. Maybe she is irrational and maybe you won’t be best friends but she is your FI’s sister so like it or not you’re stuck with her. Its your choice if you want to dig your heels in on the flower girl issue, it seems a little petty from an outsider looking in, like you are desperate for her to not get her way. If you decide to not have the niece as a flower girl then do not put her to work at your wedding (ie passing out programs) being a guest is an honor too and she can sit up front at the ceremony with the rest of your FI’s family and all of the relatives will be able to see her still whether she’s flower girl or not.

As far as your issue with Fi’s best man who doesn’t like you….well I would be a little wary of my Fiance if he chose to have someone in his life who hated his future wife. 

Post # 11
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@ieatunicorns:  Just a quick spelling/grammar thing to calm everyone down — I believe that the word that the OP meant/misspelled is “renege,” which means to go back on one’s word. The “neg” comes from the same root as “negative” or “negate,” but the word is pronounced how she spelled it. Not a racial slur, just a little spell-check issue! [http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/reneging]

Also — OP, you don’t need to have two flower girls. Your plans have been set for a long time, and your Future Sister-In-Law is kind of a flake. You made an offer for her to be in the wedding — one which will result in your niece actually getting to see and talk to more people than if she was Flower Girl. Your wedding is not your FSIL’s second chance to dress up her daughter and put her on display. Everyone can see her perfectly well at the reception. You’re well within your rights to choose who you want to have.

Post # 12
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

@village_skeptic:  Regardless of what the dictionary defines it as, it does carry a social stigma to it. And really not appropriate to use. Just as you wouldn’t use the term “jewing somebody”. They both were used a long time in very derogitory ways to describe characteristsics of certain racial/religious groups.

Post # 13
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@ieatunicorns:  I’m not going to get into a etymology debate on Weddingbee, but my point in linking to the dictionary definition of the word was that, to my knowledge, “renege” has never been used as a racial slur, because its medieval Latin roots predate the N-word. “Renege” is still in common usage, from newspaper headlines, to the term for a misplay in card games, to related words like “renegade.” I don’t think anyone’s called Styx a racist for that song.

Anyway, I’ll bow out because this is rapidly becoming a threadjack. Sorry OP!

Post # 16
Member
929 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Sunset Harbour

Your Future Sister-In-Law can have her daughter as the flower girl in her own wedding. You offered to have her involved in the wedding – if she decides not to take that up, then it’s her fault.

 

The topic ‘More FSIL Issues *SUPER LONG*’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors