(Closed) More guest list drama! Sister's boyfriend?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Am I in the wrong?
    Yes : (67 votes)
    64 %
    No : (35 votes)
    34 %
    Special Snowflake (please comment below) : (2 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 48
    103 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @Penelopeee:  You said in the OP that she was insisting on bringing a date, but from what you mention about the convo from a few months ago, it seems like she wasn’t pressing the issue as much then. Can you try to get to the bottom of it and see why? Are they more serious now or something?

    Post # 49
    508 posts
    Busy bee

    @Penelopeee:  IF you end up with space as a result of other preferred guests declining, and IF she is still with the SO, maybe compromise and let her know you might be able to accommodate him then, but it may be a late addition vs a planned-for guest.

    I really feel as though you and your Fiance should be able to have the wedding you want, in a setting you desire, and surrounded by those you feel closest to and love without being subjected to Paula Dean ridicule or guilt. And I certainly appreciate this as someone who also will be walking down the aisle a second time. 

    Good luck!

    Post # 51
    2704 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @JoCoJenn:  Sure, the sister may have not been in a relationship at the time, but when you plan a wedding, you do need to allow for some wiggle-room.  Now, once the invites go out, it’s ok to say no to any SOs of new relationships.  And I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the wedding stops becoming all about the bride and groom the moment they decide to include other people.  If you want it to be all about you – elope.


    @Penelopeee:  I meant mistake as in not not budgeting enough space for the SOs. Is that not the issue?  Do you have 2 extra spots at your venue?  How many other SOs are not on the guest list?  If it’s just the BFs of your 2 sisters, then I don’t see the issue inviting them.

    Post # 52
    170 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    its funny to me that once a person gets married they see a dating relationship as not serious enough if i were your sister i would be offended

    Post # 53
    508 posts
    Busy bee

    @nickyg:  I don’t see anyone saying that a non-married relationship is “less serious”. Rather, a person is outlining fair criteria across the board to define her guest list. Lines have to be drawn somewhere. If she said “women only” she’d be sexist; if she said “hispanics only” she’d be racist; if she said “adults only/no kids” she would be tearing apart families.

    When it comes down to it, regardless of what others think, it is the host/hostess’s prerogative to invite whom they want to an event they are paying for. Are there etiquette guidelines? Sure, and it would be nice if everyone could adhere to every single one, but then, there is our friend “reality” to slap us back down to earth from our pretty, idealistic pedastals, and tough decisions need to be made.

    Post # 54
    634 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @Penelopeee:  I don’t think you are wrong.  We are having a small wedding of 28 guests and we only invited friends and their spouses, no plus one guests.  I have a couple friends who are dating, but since I do not know their dates, their dates were not extended an invite.

    Post # 55
    592 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @Penelopeee:  Your sister is an adult, and she should be able to understand that you want an intimate wedding with only people you are close to. When she has her wedding, if she has one, she isn’t going to want anyone to force her to change what she wants on her day. 

    I’m going to assume she will know half the people there, she should be able to attend an event with her family for a few hours without a date. 

    Post # 56
    1063 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2014 - Kentucky Center for the Performing Arts

    I don’t agree with a majority of the responders. This is your wedding, do as you please. Yes if you invite one the world of “etiquette rules” say you will have to invite other plus 1s. But screw these rules that I dont even know who made them up. Plus this increases your guest list which obviously your venue cannot hold. Your sister should be more understanding…its not her dang on wedding and she isn’t paying for it! I hate family who doesn’t just “go along” with the bride and grooms decisions. 

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