Post # 47
@RunsWithBears: I have not made a mistake because invitations have not gone out yet. I am just mulling this over in my head before we send them out/finalize the guest list.
To everyone else- wow! thanks for all the reponses. I had no idea this was such a passionate topic! : )
It is not a cost issue. It’s more about being surrounded who is closest to us. To clarify (and I should have put this in my original post) my sister said- “well I get to bring a date- right?”. Not “can my Boyfriend or Best Friend come”. They’re not very serious and when I asked her about how things were going with him, could he be the “one”, a few months ago she said no. If they were very serious I would have an established relationship with him and OF COURSE I would invite him.
Keep the responses coming- It’s really helping me think this through.
Post # 48
@Penelopeee: You said in the OP that she was insisting on bringing a date, but from what you mention about the convo from a few months ago, it seems like she wasn’t pressing the issue as much then. Can you try to get to the bottom of it and see why? Are they more serious now or something?
Post # 49
@Penelopeee: IF you end up with space as a result of other preferred guests declining, and IF she is still with the SO, maybe compromise and let her know you might be able to accommodate him then, but it may be a late addition vs a planned-for guest.
I really feel as though you and your Fiance should be able to have the wedding you want, in a setting you desire, and surrounded by those you feel closest to and love without being subjected to Paula Dean ridicule or guilt. And I certainly appreciate this as someone who also will be walking down the aisle a second time.
Post # 50
@JoCoJenn: Thank you. This is exactly the reason why we are keeping it so small. I am going to be an emotional wreck (in a good way) on our wedding day and I really dislike others seeing me get emotional. I’ve always been the “strong one” in the family and always hold it together no matter what so I’ts going to be a shock to them to say the least. I even tear up just reading through the order of service for our ceremony so i know I’m going to be a blubbering mess.
Post # 51
@JoCoJenn: Sure, the sister may have not been in a relationship at the time, but when you plan a wedding, you do need to allow for some wiggle-room. Now, once the invites go out, it’s ok to say no to any SOs of new relationships. And I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the wedding stops becoming all about the bride and groom the moment they decide to include other people. If you want it to be all about you – elope.
@Penelopeee: I meant mistake as in not not budgeting enough space for the SOs. Is that not the issue? Do you have 2 extra spots at your venue? How many other SOs are not on the guest list? If it’s just the BFs of your 2 sisters, then I don’t see the issue inviting them.
Post # 52
its funny to me that once a person gets married they see a dating relationship as not serious enough if i were your sister i would be offended
Post # 53
@nickyg: I don’t see anyone saying that a non-married relationship is “less serious”. Rather, a person is outlining fair criteria across the board to define her guest list. Lines have to be drawn somewhere. If she said “women only” she’d be sexist; if she said “hispanics only” she’d be racist; if she said “adults only/no kids” she would be tearing apart families.
When it comes down to it, regardless of what others think, it is the host/hostess’s prerogative to invite whom they want to an event they are paying for. Are there etiquette guidelines? Sure, and it would be nice if everyone could adhere to every single one, but then, there is our friend “reality” to slap us back down to earth from our pretty, idealistic pedastals, and tough decisions need to be made.
Post # 54
@Penelopeee: I don’t think you are wrong. We are having a small wedding of 28 guests and we only invited friends and their spouses, no plus one guests. I have a couple friends who are dating, but since I do not know their dates, their dates were not extended an invite.
Post # 55
@Penelopeee: Your sister is an adult, and she should be able to understand that you want an intimate wedding with only people you are close to. When she has her wedding, if she has one, she isn’t going to want anyone to force her to change what she wants on her day.
I’m going to assume she will know half the people there, she should be able to attend an event with her family for a few hours without a date.
Post # 56
- Wedding: February 2014 - Kentucky Center for the Performing Arts
I don’t agree with a majority of the responders. This is your wedding, do as you please. Yes if you invite one the world of “etiquette rules” say you will have to invite other plus 1s. But screw these rules that I dont even know who made them up. Plus this increases your guest list which obviously your venue cannot hold. Your sister should be more understanding…its not her dang on wedding and she isn’t paying for it! I hate family who doesn’t just “go along” with the bride and grooms decisions.
Post # 57
I wanted to thank everyone for their input. I’m still thinking it over but I’ll let you know which direction I go. I also submitted the question to Miss Manners and I’ll let you know if she responds!