Post # 1
Disclaimer: This is going to be long and probably sound crazy because I’m so upset.
I have an abnormal amount of Mother-In-Law drama. Long story short, Darling Husband actually decided that he no longer wants a relationship with her and we cut her out of our lives a couple months ago. BIL asked his girlfriend to marry him about a month ago. We were really excited for them. (I’m a wedding planner for those who don’t know) The day after they got engaged they came to our home and asked if I would help them plan it. I of course agreed to do so happily. I had some anxiety about the interactions with my mother-in-law, but I just figured I would keep it professional. The other issue with this is that my BIL and soon to be sister-in-law are Jehovah Witness’ and most of my in-law’s are as well (not DH). Mother-In-Law was “disfellowshiped” from being a JW. Which basically means that no one who is a JW is suppose to socailize with her at all. It’s modern day exile. So there’s a lot of tension already with family surrounding the fact that BIL is including her in anything. He maintains the relationship even though he’s not suppose too. For instance future SIL’s Mother and Grandmother will not attend the wedding if Mother-In-Law is also in attendence.
We have an appointment to see a venue tomorrow morning. My soon to be SIL called and asked if Mother-In-Law can come. I said sure I’ll let the venue know. Then she says what time will you be picking us up? I said, “Well I’ll meet you guys there, because I don’t want Mother-In-Law in my car.” She replies in a very rude tone, “You’re being ridiculous. Why don’t you want her in your car? It’s not like she has coodies or something.” I was so surprised by the comment. It was so rude it blew my doors off. I said, “I don’t want her in my car for an hour long drive. It’s awkward for me and I’m not ready.” She then repeated that I was being ridiculous and to top it all off I could hear BIL and SIL in the background egging it on. I’m not even sure what was said but the call ended and it was not nice.
Then BIL calls me back and says that I took future sister-in-laws comment the wrong way and that they weren’t trying to to be rude. He then said “you realize it’s difficult for us too because the situation is so awkward with my Mom. She’s my Mom and I want to include her in things. I already can’t include her in so much” (even if she comes to the wedding he cant’ have a mom/groom dance or anything like that due to rules with the religion and others being offended) I then replied, “I don’t pick up brides and grooms and take them anywhere. I told you I had no issue with her coming to anything. I would want my mom there too. All I ask is that you not force her upon me.” He told me he would call me back later. There’s so much of me that wants to tell them to fuck off right now.
I’m not sure why this is bothering me so much, but I’ve been crying about it and then getting angry about it for like the last hour. I can’t believe future SIL talked to me like that. Sometimes I feel like I don’t want to be any part of his family as they are all crazy, but I know it’s important for Darling Husband to have some normalcy with his family and he finds that with his siblings.
Ugh if you got this far thanks for reading.
Post # 3
I don’t know why your Future Sister-In-Law is calling you ridiculous. I guess she’ll learn soon enough, right? It is kind of weird to me, given the circumstances of your Mother-In-Law being disfellowshiped, that your Future Sister-In-Law is including her in anything, at all. I’m totally unaware of her familial relationships, but it seems like she’s disrespecting her own mother by including your Mother-In-Law in everything.
I’d be pretty upset if someone called me ridiculous too. I am not sure why you and your Darling Husband cut your MIL off, but I’m sure it was for good reason. Your BIL and Future Sister-In-Law need to respect your decision on that. It is never a wedding planner’s responsiblity to transport the bride and groom anywhere. I definitely wouldn’t want to be trapped in a car for an hour with someone I dislike.
Post # 4
I agree with @Pinksapphire: I don’t think your Future Sister-In-Law has any grounds to say what she did. I’m sorry she said that, I’d be pretty upset too. I hope she sees her words hurt you, especially when you were trying to help her. Sometimes I just don’t understand what it is about weddings that make people so crazy!
Post # 5
Maybe blending family and professional roles is becoming the problem? Maybe if you sit future SIL down and explain that you are the wedding planner and that you just don’t drive clients to meetings (my wedding planner has met me at every venue).
Post # 6
Did BIL and Future Sister-In-Law know that you had cut Mother-In-Law out of your lives? Did they already know your and DH’s position regarding MIL?
I’m not taking FSIL’s side. It was wrong for her to tell you that you were being ridiculous. She should have said, “Oh. Okay. I’ll find other arrangements for her.” or something like that. But, I have to say, when I read that you said “I don’t want her in my car.” that seemed kind of harsh. I understand where you are coming from but I was expecting to read, “No. I’m not picking her up. I’ll just be meeting you guys there.” It’s not what you said, it’s how you said it. Maybe your snappy comment got her started.
Have they hired you to be their planner or are you giving them your services? Because of the situation, it might be best if you let someone else do the job. Maybe just give advice here and there, but no official work as a planner.
Post # 7
@2ndtime: They are very aware that we are not speaking to Mother-In-Law. Everyone is.
They came over this morning and apologized. They were trying to “mend the relationship” they were hoping that their wedding would “bring the family back together”. They apologized for attempting to force the relationship. She explained that some of her family is using the fact that Darling Husband and I aren’t speaking to Mother-In-Law as a reason that they shouldn’t be speaking to her either and that the entire thing has her over the top stressed.
I wanted to back out and just play more of a family role then a planner role, but they begged me not to.
Thanks to everyone for listening and your opinons. I’m over it now and just trying to stay out of the family drama as much as I can.
Post # 8
@mwitter80: Your Future Sister-In-Law has no idea what she is getting herself into and right now she wants to look like the good DIL
Post # 9
Well as a planner myself, I completely understand the “I don’t pick brides and grooms up” comment because I don’t either but how you and Darling Husband feel about your Mother-In-Law is your business not any of hers. It’s your car and therefore your decision who you want in there. I say good for you for standing up for yourself. Hopefully, things will get better and their apology was heartfelt.