(Closed) More in-laws than you can shake a stick at

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
369 posts
Helper bee

Including the Boyfriend or Best Friend, there are a total of NINE of his family members that live with him in a single family home. I don’t live with them but he will move out before the wedding. I would think it to be a really hard life to live with so many people and trying to get your privacy. I have to say, you’re pretty strong even living with your in-laws. I hope you don’t become the main housekeeper. If you get along with the people that live there now, it should be fine once the rest of the family comes back. Do you have any plans on moving out anytime soon?

Post # 4
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Wow. A lot of adults in one house. I would try to have a family meeting with everyone together asap to discuss expectations and layout ground rules. Keep lines of communicaiton open at all times even if that means monthly family meetings to discuss issues, concerns, etc.

Post # 5
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i wouldnt panic too much until you hear if the air force has approved the transfer.  from what i hear its pretty hard to get hardship transfers, especially if their job skills doesnt suit the base they are asking for, ie: some techs can only go to certain baes due to the particular planes they work on.  goodluck!

 

Post # 6
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Whoa you are brave. If your sibling-in-laws are military…there is a chance they will be required to live on base. Cross your fingers for it, by the way. It’s great they all want to be there, but hopefully everyone realizes that too much love could cause a more stressful household than your Mother-In-Law needs. And I know how you feel about you and the baby being outsiders at big family things. I still feel like i’m an “outsider” sometimes at family events….cuz i’m literally the only not-blood relative. Meh. My personal issues being raised that family is blood only. Boo.

The counseling will be great so that you guys can get a neutral opinion on “rules” hopefully without your husband being too defensive. Men can get like that with their families.

I think you need as big ass baseball bat to wave around at them =] “get back! get back!”

Post # 7
Member
2144 posts
Buzzing bee

I live with my in laws and I totally feel you on the being out of place part. It’s hard definitely, but just remember that you have your husband there for support! Husbands are really good for that ๐Ÿ™‚ Maybe it wont be as bad so you think? Just have to wait and see I guess!

Post # 8
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Oh and if your sibling-in-laws are stationed on a base…you won’t see that much if they keep regular military schedules. In fact, they will have to leave the house at probably 445 in the morning to get to PT at 6am….and then they will work til 5pm or 530. They won’t even get to the house until 6pm or 630. And they will have to be in bed by 9pm or they’ll end up falling asleep on the road in the morning!

You won’t see them much during the week. And really, if they are enlisted (particularly the younger one, the 20 year old) I really don’t see them being allowed to live too far off-base. At DH’s base, enlisted soldiers are required to live within a certain radius. We’re talking, like, 15 miles. Whereas the officers are not (and Darling Husband lives 45+ minutes away from the base).

Just so ya know =]

Post # 10
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Oh yeah in that case, I reeeeaaally don’t think so. There is no way they’re going to let him too far away from the base. 20 year olds are much too fresh–they still have all the barracks stuff and lights out and all that other camp type stuff. Plus he’s basically a private, right? ha, no way then! Unless he’s married and/or has kids, then he could get an on-base non-dorm approval. Now, if he was the ONLY one able to take care of your Mother-In-Law, maybe. But not with a household of other adults there. And they really don’t like their medical personnel very far, either. Some of the people we know live closer to the base b/c they are on call and everything. The ER personnel get special persmission to be on base. It’s not feasible. I can tell you that you are pretty much spot on. Everyone likes the think the military is super compassionate, but their needs come first. I’m curious to see how it works with SIL and BIL. I know paperwork for us has been a biotch. I hope if BIL and SIL move home, they at least pay rent or something! Free housing is nice and too many mouths to feed could become a burden on the parents. Not what they need right now. 

I totally know what you mean, though. My SIL has taken awhile to come around to warm fuzzies. In general the family is not a warm fuzzy family so I always feel like “doo doo doo” outta place, tapping my fingers or something. It’ll be difference once you have the baby hopefully. Just make sure they respect YOUR boundaries as the babys’ mom, not just assume that since the baby lives in their house they get to make rules. I’ve noticed this a few times with SIL’s kid. He goes and gets babysitted by one grandma who overfeeds him and lets him act inappropriately and SIL doesn’t like it and is trying to get the whole “i’m his mom and if i say no sweets you can’t do it anyways if i say no” sort of balance. I’m sort of terrified of dealing with that one. good luck! look at it like a mini vacation…wtih no sleep =]

Post # 12
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think if Mother-In-Law doesn’t see some warm fuzzies at some point, she may speak up and tell them to get over it. You definitely have some interesting family dynamics to be dealing with; I hope it all works otu for you! Shoot, I’d use that baby to my advantage, too =]. Whatever it takes, eh?

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