(Closed) More mothers getting abortions. Thoughts on how media portrays ladies who abort?

posted 9 years ago in Babies
Post # 47
Member
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I always thought i was pro-life. until it was me in that situation. three years ago while with my now fiancee we made the heartbreakingly hard decision to have an abortion. the whole experiance really opened my eyes. i remember sitting in the waiting room and looking around me and seeing all different types of women sitting there. it was a very eye opening experiance. out of the women there i was the youngest one there and most were there with their parteners. i remebmer even seeing a kids area that had toys and whatnot.

i will tell you that no one is ever happy to have an abortion. its a miserable place in your life when you feel like the skum of the earth and all the protestors calling you a murderer and a baby killer.I will not go into the details of our situation but it would have been dangerous to bring a baby into the siuation.i cried for weeks and to this day i still ponder the what-ifs but i know deep down that we made the right decision. some people may hate me for that but they have never been in my shoes.

now 3 years later we have a beautiful son. its a strech financially and a constant worry on how to provide for him in todays economy. there are some days where i wonder how i am going to afford diapers. i feel horrible because im not going to be able to take him out trick-or-treating because i can afford a costume for him. honestly i dont what i would do if i found out i was preganant again. i hope i dont have to be in a place to make that decision.

As for why the media continues to portray these stereotypes, I think it is because stereotypes are easier to understand than the complicated truth that people are all different, and we all have different morals/values/situations etc. – Jennibride

i think that is very true as to why those are the faces of abortion that the public sees. its much easier for the public to believe that everytihng is black and white versus the truth that everyone is different and has different movitations for doing what they feel they need to do.

Post # 48
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

For me, I’m pro-life. But I’ve always known however that there were a few situations where I would feel abortion would be necessary: Rape, and medical reasons where the mothers life would be in danger, or if multiple doctors and tests said that the pregnancy was not viable. You see, I’m pro-choice for other people, to an extent.

 

My now ex-best friend dated a creep after we finished highschool. None of us liked him, he was horrible, mean and a drug addict. I never had a good feeling around him, and we all tried to convince her that she was better than that. But she is bi-polar and was in a stage where she was on the depressed side of things, and wouldn’t see reason. 

He raped her, and she ended up pregnant.

I believe it was this experience that allowed her to see the situation she had allowed herself to get into. She had an abortion, and in a way, this empowered her to have the strength to end things with him. If she had kept the baby, she would have had to continue dealing with him for the rest of her life, and as he knew about the pregnancy, he could have fought to keep the baby if she had put it up for adoption, which would have been no life for an innocent.

She made the right decision in her position.

Post # 49
Member
3216 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

While I am pro-life and don’t believe that abortion is the answer, I think the media will always spin anything in a more horrific way to get readers– the same way the news always focuses on murders or robberies instead of happy things. 

Post # 50
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

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@hopefloats: You’re welcome.  I just wanted to point out that under any other circumstance I wouldn’t have chosen that path.  But in my rare case, too many variables happened all at once that made that the best choice for me at the time.  That’s definitely why I wanted to share my personal story, to show that there are different sides to every abortion story.

Post # 51
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

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@Mrs Grape: I agree 100%!

Post # 52
Member
631 posts
Busy bee

There are many sides to every story.  Sadly, the one that never gets told is the baby’s.

Post # 53
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

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@chicagowife: I could tell you many, many stories of children and now grown-adults who resent their parents for raising them in a household with less than no money, constant fighting, drugs, sexual, emotional and physical abuse, abandonment, etc.

How is THAT fair to a baby or child, either? And more often than not from my experience, it creates adults that are not so stable mentally and is a vicious circle.

As hard as it may be to believe, it IS possible to make a decision in the best interest of an unborn child. I am on a sports-related forum where there is a topic going on right now with women discussing children they surrendered for adoption. One ended up in the “perfect family” where the parents then got divorced shortly after, mom ended up in a drug house, etc. Even adoption doesn’t always mean the kids’ life would have been “better off”.

I am not pro-choice or pro-life; I am pro-making the decision that works best for YOUR life and keeping your nose out of someone else’s personal business.

Post # 54
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Okay… well, to address the original question, I think it’s just sexism. The idea of older women, religious women, mothers, married women, etc getting abortions tends to mess with the ways we talk about women’s intelligence and autonomy. Likewise statistics about the frequency of abortion and medical facts about abortion – these don’t show up in popular media much because people don’t enjoy reading things that challenge their moral values and prejudices. 

You see some of these popular narratives coming up in almost every debate about abortion. There’s the idea that women just don’t know better, need to be educated, counseled, converted, “sat down with”, etc, because they can’t handle/understand the choice on their own. There’s the idea that pregnancy is a punishment for having sex. (See also STIs. Lots of anti-choice folks are also up in arms about effective medical treatment and prevention.) And if lots of people start having lots of pleasurable sex without life-changing repercussions, then lots of people will start having lots of pleasurable sex without life-changing repercussions. Cue apocalypse. 

Post # 56
Member
2582 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

CHOOSING to go through with a pregnancy in difficult conditions is only noble BECAUSE its a choice.  If its forced, all of these wonderful things some of you are saying about having the strength to carry a pregnancy to term are negated, because there’s nothing honorable about keeping your baby when the alternative is a criminal charge. 

Post # 57
Member
335 posts
Helper bee

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@Beluga: every time you pop up in a thread that i’m reading, i get really happy! seriously, i love your posts!!

abortion, of course, is a tough topic. my stance is that i don’t think i could ever bring myself to have one, but then, i’m not in the same situations as many other ladies and don’t think i have a right to decide for them. the crux of the issue lies in the media (always with the media, they seem to be really bad at their job…) and the complete LACK of education they give on either side of the issue. the fact is that abortion isn’t a decision to be made lightly, and as much as the media wants you to think that women who get abortions do it on a whim, they don’t. they can’t. for this reason, i think we need better education about how abortions work, the effects they can have psychologically and physically, as well as how legalized abortion relates to society as a whole. i’ve been somewhat on the fence about this issue, until i heard of this connection. it’s called the Donohue-Levitt hypothesis and theorizes that legal abortion leads to reduced crime rates. it’s all very interesting and is what leads me to think that, while i might be pro-life for myself, outlawing abortion would have huge reprecussions we can’t even predict and shouldn’t be treated as if only one choice is the moral one to make when this matter, like all things in life, resists simplicity.

Post # 58
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee

Yes, I think the media has done a horrible job. I think it would be much better for society if people knew the truth about the stats, because then the social stigma might be lessened. 

On a different, but related, note: We just hit 7 BILLION people in the world. I love how people talk about how there are thousands of people willing to adopt unwanted babies, but there are BILLIONS of children without a home, water and food already living and are trapped in a vicious cycle of poverty. Do we really need to compound the problem by taking away a woman’s right to make a rational choice, not just for herself, but for the whole planet?

And because someone mentioned it earlier, no abortion is not the solution to the overpopulation of the planet, but availability of abortion in conjunction with education would go a long way to prevent the crisis that is already happening around the world.

Post # 59
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I must be reading all of the wrong media outlets, but I so very rarely see abortion brought up as a topic on the news or in the paper. I don’t cue in to religious media at all, but between the 5 o’clock news, our local paper, the odd Global paper and some celebrity mags here and there, I have maybe read one abortion piece ever, and I am pretty sure it was in Cosmo. This leads me to think that maybe abortions are so taboo because they are so hush-hush in the media?

I feel like if more women knew that celebrities they admire have chosen to terminate a pregnancy, or influential politicians/their wives, top businesswomen etc,  people might begin to see that it’s not only the poor, young and promiscuous that have abortions – because based on that article and the comments made here, and the people I know IRL, I really don’t think it is. And they might begin to see that there are 10,000 reasons to terminate a pregnancy, not just because someone is selfish and has no heart. If there was a way to get past that fantasy notion that surrendering a kid for adoption is the better choice because they will find the “perfect” home when there are already so many homeless children on the planet, children in the foster care system, and people totally unfit to be parents – I think that would help a lot too.

But how do you change the mindset of a large portion of an entire society, especially when religion plays such a large role? I don’t think you can. I think, like the topic of guns and the death penalty, there are just some topics that will always have a division.

Post # 60
Member
631 posts
Busy bee

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@noopnoop:  Yes, but I’ve yet to hear any person who was not aborted (short of a severe mental illness) say they wish they were dead.  It’s not for us to judge who is going to have a good life or not.  By many people’s metric, Barack Obama and Steve Jobs never should have been born.  Every baby has the right to live and make their own destiny no matter how daunting their circumstances.  

I believe those unborn babies are BABIES.  We can’t kill them just because they may not have a life WE think is of the “best” type.

Post # 61
Member
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@noopnoop: I see you are in Canada so you probably don’t keep up with American congress people, but I thought this woman’s story was interesting.  She’s discussed her abortion in Congress several times, which I think it admirable.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jackie_Speier

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