(Closed) More Plus 1 Drama..am I an A$$hole??

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’m creating my own rules for this one because I have friends that are married or engaged (whom sig others will definitely be invited) and others that are VERY single. Having been in that “very single” position before and not being invited +1 to weddings, I know that sinking, lonely, I’m going to have to dance with myself feeling. However, now being on the wedding planning end, with a tight budget, I’m stuck in the middle. I will be slipping a matching note in with the invitations to those single individuals with a message like “If there is a special someone that you’d like to bring to our wedding, please let us know and we will do our best to accommodate.” We will then monitor our numbers and figure out if we can afford to allow new boyfriends/random dates/etc. If we can’t, then I want my friends to know that the thought was there and it’s purely a money thing.

Post # 18
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I come from a strict religious background, and though I am not so uptight about things like that, a lot of the people I know are.  Which means most of the serious couples who aren’t yet engaged (but likely will be soon) DON’T live together.  So married/engaged/living together is not a good rule for me.  Fortunately, I am avoiding that issue by giving everyone a plus one, but I can imagine what a pain it would be to have to make those kinds of distinctions if I wasn’t.  My guest list is enough of a nightmare, thanks.

Post # 19
Member
2468 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

married/engaged/living together/serious relationship, as in, they’ve been together for 1 year or more (or 6 months or any amount you want…it’s arbitrary but so is any line you’re drawing). this gets the folks who don’t live together but are in serious relationships. we had a bunch of these people, for religious/conservative families/stuck in long leases reasons.

we only had an issue with 2 people–an out of town bridesmaid who i let bring a friend of ours as her “date–” i’ve known the guy since i was in preschool so he wasn’t random/i could have feasibly invited him anyway if anyone questioned the rule! and my sil wanted to bring a date, but we were able to shut that down since she wasn’t dating anyone and it would have been someone totally random…

Post # 20
Member
90 posts
Worker bee

It is such a hard issue, but I agree with setting some sort of rules and sticking with them.  We included plus ones for all guests, regardless of relationship status, and worried that our numbers would be higher than we wanted.  We invited 150 guests including the plus ones, and ended up with 110 as many of these people did not bring dates.  One of our ushers phoned like a month before the wedding asking if he could bring this girl as a date that was friends with two of our wedding guests, but not friends of ours.  It was obvious that this girl was just trying to get an invite to the party and we explained that we didn’t invite her and therefore did not really want her at the wedding.  The usher who asked was not dating her in any way shape or form and was simply asking on behalf of the girl who wanted the invite.  He wasn’t upset by this, although I kinda felt bad putting my foot down, but I did not really like this girl and she is a known wedding crasher!  

I would account for plus ones regardless of marital status/dating status, if guests are coming from out of town as it is always nice to have a travel buddy!

Post # 21
Member
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m allowing everyone to get a +1

Post # 22
Member
368 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

For guests in a serious relationship, we are including the name of the SO on the invitation. No haphazard dates just for the wedding. As of now, this included merely three of of our guests.

Post # 23
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I have been livid about this issue all week!!! my rule is as long you consider your date a bf/gf then they can come (no randoms, or someone you ate just casually seeing).  The only exception is if they dont know anyone, then they can bring any date regardless of relationship status.  i thought i was being lenient.  a lot of fiances friends are single.  One is giving us such a hard time saying the no date rule is rediculous.. and ALL WEDDINGS you should be invited with a date blah blah… ughhhhh

Post # 24
Member
394 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think Belle (and other posters) got it right with the engaged, married, or living together. Yeah, a wedding is not the time to introduce boyfriends :

Post # 25
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I agree with the above posts generally about the marriage/engaged couple invite. 

It’s also fine to add a + 1 if you know the person’s partner and would like them there.  Otherwise, simply no. 

Post # 26
Member
803 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

i think everyone deserved a +1.  who likes going to a wedding along?  no one.  everyone deserved to have a good time, not just the people who have managed to date someone for any signigicant amount of time. 

when we were making our guest list, we added a plus one for all our friends. if we couldnt accomodate all the friends and their guests, we cut the guest list.

personally, if i were invited to a wedding without a date, and wasnt allowed to bring someone just because i wasnt married, there is a good chance i wouldnt attend. i dont want to sit at a table alone.

i agree that meeting a boyfriend for the first time isnt really wedding appropriate, but who really cares?  you’re friend is there being happy for you, you cant manage to be happy for them in their new relationship at the same time?

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