(Closed) More sister drama :( Sister 'very upset' that she is not MOH…

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
3257 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Your sister is being incredibly selfish.

My sister refused to be in my wedding and still isn’t speaking to me or any of my family a year later, and we still don’t truly know why because she deleted all of us on FB and refuses to talk to us… the reason I’m telling you that is so you realize that you are not the only one with toxic siblings. 🙁

What I have learned is that friends can be just as much family as those who are related to us by blood. It sounds like you have given her multiple opportunities to have a healthy relationship with you, and she’s the one slamming the door by refusing to have contact with you. 

My best advice to you would be to stick with your best friend as your Maid/Matron of Honor. Until your sister wants to make things right and be supportive, you shouldn’t kiss her butt just to make her speak to you. Keep the door open on your end by being open and willing to talk to her, but don’t let her ruin your wedding.

Post # 4
Member
309 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Your sister sounds a lot like my sister. Which is why I am NOT having a Maid/Matron of Honor. I wasn’t even going to have bridesmaids for a while, but the look on my Fiance face when I said that made me change my mind. He has a great network of long time male friends that he’s excited about having as his bestmen.

Post # 7
Member
1796 posts
Buzzing bee

Anyone who tells you that you “HAVE” to put family in the wedding party, much less a Maid/Matron of Honor must be in the Cleaver or Brady family. There is no rule! And she is definitately acting like a spoiled brat, so I would bump her even more now after what she said and did. She would be lucky to be in the party at all.

Post # 8
Member
3249 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I know how you feel….those unsaid rules suck. You should do what makes you happy and what feels right to you.

I was in a similar position with both my older sisters. They never ever really got along with eachother but I was their buffer. I am still each of my sisters bestfriends.

When both my sisters got married, I wss never Maid/Matron of Honor as my mum insisted the oldest sister was Maid/Matron of Honor. When my neice was christened my mum again insisted that my older sister was picked as a godmother!!!  What gets me is that neither of them really talk to eachother….they are closer in age than i am with either of them….yet its me both of them confide in…not eachother!!!

Stand firm with your sister….birth shouldn’t automatically entitle you to a certain role….the level of closeness and support should!!

hugs to you….I know it sucks!!!

 

Post # 9
Member
46 posts
Newbee

Stick with your choice.  Try your hardest to stop thinking about everything with your sister.  She has a lot of growing up to do.  If she doesn’t show up or is moping at the wedding, don’t let it get to you.  Enjoy your day.  She is being really selfish and self centered.  Please try to enjoy your engagement!

Post # 11
Member
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I’m not even inviting my one sister…and we used to be best friends. It’s a long story but I will not have people there that are completely nasty and manipulative even if they are related to me. Why have someone like that when we can surround ourselves with people that love us and want to support us in our lives?

Post # 12
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

You’ve obviously made the right decision having your friend as Maid/Matron of Honor. I agree that birth doesn’t entitle people to “roles.” Your sister sounds immature and unsupportive- NOT someone you want as Maid/Matron of Honor.

Hope of rest of your planning goes a little smoother for you! 🙂

Post # 13
Member
368 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I can’t completely relate because I don’t have any siblings, but she’s being extremely selfish. Just because she’s your sister doesn’t mean you OWE her Maid/Matron of Honor.

My suggestion would be to write out everything you’re feeling – sort of like you’ve done here, actually! Maybe copy all of this and restructure it a bit. Try to take out the anger and just be honest and as constructive as possible. Then, ask her to have lunch with you. Sit her down and calmly explain your concerns/frustrations over your relationship – it doesn’t even have to be about the Maid/Matron of Honor stuff, necessarily. But just that you feel she’s been mean to you, deleted you off FB, ignored you, and hasn’t been around for wedding stuff. And, as a sister, you’re really hurt by her actions.

Seperately from those bits, tell her you’ve chosen BFF as your Maid/Matron of Honor. It wasn’t done to hurt your sister, but because you feel that it is the best choice for you. It doesn’t mean you love your sister less. Ask your sister to support your decision. She either will or she won’t – but that’s not up to you. All you have control over is the decision you’ve made about your Maid/Matron of Honor based on THEIR actions – don’t feel guilty about that!

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