- 9 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
Sigh. I’ve posted about this before.
Recap of first post: I don’t know what to do… all I want is for my best friend to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, she’s been like a sister to me for 14 years, she is loving, supportive, responsible, generous, a good listener, we’ve never had a fight, ever, etc. etc. etc…. she would be perfect. I want her to witness my wedding. I want her to give the speech. Period. My sister is a good person deep down but hides it well by being a selfish, spoiled brat. She can’t even listen to me for 2 minutes without changing the subject to talk about herself, she thinks only of herself, her lack of empathy for others is practically clinical! She would be a terrible Maid/Matron of Honor, and while of course I wish it were different (boy do I ever wish I had a sister I could count on, instead of a sister who is mean to me until she needs me to bail her out of something…) Somehow I got this overwhelming response from the hive that I should make her my Maid/Matron of Honor anyway, she is my sister, it is wrong not to make her Maid/Matron of Honor. Okayy… so I remained indecidive and went on another 2 months without picking a Maid/Matron of Honor (2 months of my only 8 month engagement!).
Recap of 2nd post: We had a huge fight over her not coming to my birthday party (for the 2nd year in a row) because ‘she couldn’t take a friday off of work’ (I told her to just come out after work but whatever). And then a week later, she takes Friday off work for 4-20 – a pot holiday!! – because ‘duh, she booked it off ages ago’. Wow, ok. I tried to get past that and be friends again but another huge blowup occurred, over her being in denial about her new, perhaps abusive boyfriend, where she called me judgmental because I questioned her 180 that she did on wanting to break up with him and then saying everything was ‘perfect again’. Great. All of a sudden I’m the evil, judgmental bitch for thinking that her boyfriend is not perfect and being worried about her. So she deleted me from facebook! And then didn’t speak to me at all for a month! Bees, this is now getting onto 3 months into my engagement, practically half over, and I have not chosen a Maid/Matron of Honor yet. At this point I don’t even know if my sister is coming to my wedding let alone being in it, and it’s getting awkward with my other BMs, not knowing who is Maid/Matron of Honor. So I chose my best friend. And damn, I was happy about it.
Current post (sorry this is ending up so long):
I went bridesmaid dress shopping with my mom and another of my BMs, and we found the perfect dresses at a non-bridal store. I didn’t know what to do, in terms of, my sister is still not speaking to me, do I buy her a dress?! My mom said I of course should, so I bought her one assuming that she would come around. Since she was still refusing to speak to me I asked my mom to tell her the developments: Maid/Matron of Honor is my friend, dresses are bought, I bought her one in case she still wants to be a part of the wedding. Here is where I screwed up. I should have told her in person, I guess, that she wasn’t my Maid/Matron of Honor. But I just felt like I was owed an apology for so many things, I wasn’t going to be the one to make first contact, and who made up the stupid rule that a sister has ‘first dibs’ on Maid/Matron of Honor anyway?!?
Fastforward to a few weeks later, she sent me an apology text, saying she still wanted to be part of the wedding and was ‘sorry that she had hurt my feelings but….’ (you know, one of those “i want to make up but I still think I was right” apologies). I texted her back that I accepted her apology and let’s just be friends again, yay. I have been so busy I’ve barely been planning lately, and I suppose I haven’t really gone out of my way to hang out with her because yeah, I’m not really her biggest fan at the moment. I just want to do whatever I have to do to keep the peace and have her in my wedding. But I guess my mom didn’t tell her anything because the other day she apparently ‘found out’ that she is not my Maid/Matron of Honor and is ‘devastated’. I was so upset that she was upset. I still kind of am. So I am trying to be nice to her and make her feel better, but I can’t help but feel like, how the hell could she just expect that she should be my Maid/Matron of Honor, when not only has she NOT been doing anything to help me throughout my entire engagement, which is now half over, but she has been distinctly not speaking to me and deleted me from facebook! It’s just so ridiculous. Maid of DISHONOUR more like!! arghhhh….
I’m so mad that she would feel so entitled, as ****ing usual, and yet so simultaneously sad that she is disappointed. But on top of all those emotions I also feel like she is trying to guilt-trip me and make me feel bad about it. And also that clearly if she was really the kind of girl to choose as my right-hand woman, to help my wedding run smoothly, wouldn’t she just be happy for me and want to help me out no matter who I chose? Doesn’t this just further prove that she only wanted the title, and to feel special, and not just to truly be there for me?
Any and all help/support is appreciated. I feel like such a jerk, and yet I’m still so mad!!