Post # 1
I don’t really know who else to talk to about this.
This is my first post. My boyfriend and I have been together for just over a year and are incredibly happy. So happy, we decided that some time next year we would move in together. However, although I have told family and friends about our exciting news, he hasn’t. I keep asking why and he says he has “forgotten”. It was about a month ago we decided to take this big step.
I’m just not at the place in my life where I want to be with someone who may not know if they want to be with me. I am so confused. It doesn’t help I’m getting older, quickly approaching 30, and I’m not feeling “settled” or fully content in my current relationship.
I have been in serious relationships before which have progressed but I never felt in love enough to even dream of getting engaged, never mind married. Now, that’s all I think about. I love my boyfriend. Every day I am reminded of why I fell in love with him.
I just can’t be bothered to wait around for someone who isn’t going to allow my dreams of a big family be possible.
I have spoken to him about how upset I am over this and he promises he is ready, fully committed but I’m worried he is too young, has too little life experience and is scared. He swears he is not.
Hmm… maybe I should just forget about it and shut up, but I’m just not that type of girl. Life is too short.
What do you think?
Post # 3
@princess_pea: I’m a little confused, are you upset because he’s forgetting to move in with you…or he keeps forgetting to tell people that he’s going to move in with you in like…a year?
Post # 4
I honestly dont think its that big of a deal. you wont be moving in together for several months, and guys dont get all pumped about stuff like girls do until it’s happening or almost happening. Just because he hasnt gone over to his besties house and drank champagne to celebrate doesnt mean he’s not equally excited about where your lives are heading.
I can completely understand your feelings, but he has assured you of his feelings, so I’d give him a break and let him tell his family/friends when he feels its appropriate (and when he remembers lol)
Post # 5
@princess_pea: I’m confused about the first two paragraphs as well, but as far as the rest:
You’ll get differing opinions on this, but I think you should pursue the right person that you connect with *first*, and your specific marriage requests (big family) second. I think it’s super easy to fall into the habit of essentially shopping for a mate who can give you this dream life, rather than a person you are compatible with no matter WHAT the cards bring for you.
If you are reconsidering the relationship because you feel he’s not ready to give you a big family on your timeframe, I think you should stop an re-evaluate this process. What if he’s the perfect man for you in every way…but can’t have kids? Would you leave him then?
I guess what i’m saying is this, decide what’s most important: finding a person who can help you meet your goals on your desired timeframe, or finding someone you are innately happy and compatible with for life. Sometimes it’s not always both :-/
Post # 6
@princess_pea: Im with Nona99, this is a bit confusing.
If your concern is that he hasn’t told the world he’s going to move in with you in “sometime” next year – I think you are way over reacting!
I can see why you’re excited and want/did tell everyone but just because he hasn’t yet, doesn’t mean he is any less excited for the future with you. Lot’s of people don’t start telling people things until they have date or are atleast going and looking at places together. Ie you guys are moving in together next month.
Breathe and just enjoy your time together. It’ll happen soon enough =)
Post # 7
@princess_pea: I agree with PP’s, you’re making a big deal out of nothing. Deciding you’ll be moving in together in about a year is exciting, but in a typical man’s world, not newsworthy :).
Post # 8
Agreed with PPs… moving in is exciting, but it’s not a big enough event in other people’s lives to celebrate it before it even happens. I’m sure that when you move in together, you can throw a housewarming party to celebrate, and he’ll tell people about it, and they’ll come, and it’ll be lovely. But this isn’t the kind of thing I’d announce to people months and months before it even happens. I don’t think he’s doing anything wrong here, sorry to say.
Post # 9
Hate to say this, but for a guy, I think a year is still sooo far away as to not warrant much thought. I could understand him not wanting to tell everyone the news until it gets closer; a lot can happen in a year. One of you could have to move for work, or you could find out your partner is a crazy axe murderer (unlikely, yes, but you know what I mean- a deal breaker could come up and you guys could part ways). Maybe it’s his way of trying to save face in case you leave between now and then, so he doesn’t have to explain why he said you guys were going to live together.
I see this as a separate issue from you wanting to feel like he wants to get married and have a big family and soon. Talk to him about that! Find out if he wants the same things, and when! And if it really is important to you that he announce that you two are moving in together (which I think is a little unusual; I’ve never heard of a couple doing this, certainly not months in advance), then bring that up as well. Maybe you could frame it as keeping his family in the loop. Good luck!
Post # 10
So… what are you actually upset about? Is he forgetting to move in, or forgetting to tell people?
Post # 11
@princess_pea: Hi princess pea. I’m sorry you are dealing with this. My situation is very similar to yours but different lol. When I first started dating my bf, he was a little younger and quite frankly, a little immature. I fell in love with his quirks but quickly realized that when it came to telling his friends and family about our advancing very serious territory relationship, he was, well, not as excited as I was. We are living together now, and I think he is great, but he’s made it very clear that marriage is not going to happen anytime soon. It can be heart wrenching at times. I am 30, hes 27, and sometimes that small gap of time feels canyon sized. Whenever I start to worry that im more into this than he is, I may STOP doing every thing. No cooking, no date planning, no initiating sex. Usually that will help you to see if he’s into you lol. Also, I’ve had to accept that being with him means that not everything will be perfect and my way. If you love him, you will learn to deal with him dragging his feet. He will need to learn to be a man who knows how to treat a woman independent of you telling him. Best of luck.