Post # 1
Hello ladies, there’s some timeline chat going on this morning which of course gets me thinking!
For some of you there was no devoted “timeline talk,” it just happened or he brought it up or whatever. But for many of us, we had to (or will have to) bring up that subject all on our own!
So tell me, bees, how did you do it? Did what you say work perfectly or maybe not go so well at first?
Post # 3
@emmalyn: I’m 90% sure you’d commented on one of my posts about it so you may know my story, but in case you didnt: I’ve been asking for quite awhile and finally took advice from some recently engaged and married girls to stop acting like I cared. Like 4 days into that, he had just come home from work and said he wanted to talk to me about something (VERY out of character phrasing). He then said “I wanted to know when you’d like to be engaged by…does in the next 6 months work for you? Can you wait that long?” I wanted to do a backflip, but I just shrugged and said “oh, that’s not up to me”. That was February 18th, and six months is about August. I’ve been trying REALLY hard not to get my hopes up and finally asked him if it was ok to be excited and he said “Yes” but i’m still cautious.
Post # 4
My best friend getting engaged has REALLY helped with the whole “talking about timelines” thing with the SO. I’ve used her engagement to: 1) extol the benefits of asking your girlfriend’s best friends to help you pick out a ring 2) express my desire to be dressed nicely and not bumming around the house when I’m proposed to 3) talk about when I want to get married 4) talk about babies and fertility 5) generally be able to casually bring up weddings, which naturally leads to us talking about our future wedding/marriage.
Post # 5
@badabing88: That’s awesome for you! The thing for me is, I don’t talk about it – EVER. I don’t avoid it, it just doesn’t come up.
I initiated a marriage conversation a few months ago at 3 years of dating and it went well. So now I want to try to get a timeline and I just wanted to hear how y’all did it!
Post # 6
@MexiPino: I like your style, good thinking. ALL of our friends are engaged or recently married at this point, so pretty much every day he hears some comment about so-and-so’s life moving forward lol
Post # 7
It just sort of came up organically, I know that doesn’t help. He talked about when he wanted to get married, and then asked if December 2013 was an ok time to get engaged with that in mind. We’re both super type A and we plan out everything so it wasn’t too much of a surprise he’d want me on board with his timeline.
A good way to get cranking on it though is to talk about where you see your life over the next five years, and see what he says about his, and really listen. Then bring up (if he doesn’t) taking the next step sometime in the future and if/when he sees that happening.
Post # 8
I didn’t initiate the conversation but the way my SO started the conversation with me could be helpful to you. After I made him dinner one night (it seems like we always have these conversations after our bellies are full lol) he just asked me, “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”. So I started talking about where I wanted to be career wise and things I wanted to do with my house. He kindly interrupted me and said “I meant regarding you and me.” I didn’t know how to answer at first because we had only been together maybe 4 months and I didn’t want to scare him off…but I was honest and I said “In 5 years I see you being my husband.” He kissed me and said “I see that happening in 2 years“…So you could ask the “Where do you see us in 5 years” question…
Post # 9
It was a healthy back and forth discussion for us. Honestly, I think if talking about marriage is a negative experience, that’s a bit of a red flag. It should be an easy and natural part of the discussion about the evolution of the relationship.
Post # 10
he initiated it but it was just a natural progression and we were both very open and honest with each other through the process.
Post # 11
@MrsWe: Aw, that’s adorable 🙂
Seems like all you guys had a pretty easy time with this subject
For us, no one is engaged to talk about, and honestly, I wouldn’t want to compare. We already know we want to be together forever, there’s just this marriage thing that I want to pin down 🙂
When I think about saying “where do you want to be in five years,” I really do already know the answer to that: with me and hopefully in a larger house. We don’t want kids, we are both already in our careers, make money, save money. Basically there isn’t much we want to change. So I feel for us that’s an irrelevant question.
I am not bold enough to just say “When are we getting married?” lol, I wish though!
Post # 12
@emmalyn: one possibility is to watch the tv show “millionaire matchmaker” together. nearly every episode she mentions that (for grown ppl) they should know if they’re getting married or not w/i a year of dating. I’m pretty sure that’s how the topic came up “naturally” for us – he’d ask what I thought abt something and say his own opinion too.
she also gives a lot of tips about how things should move fwd and what women should and should not stand for. hearing my bf’s ideas on her tips (he agrees with pretty much all of them if a woman is looking to settle down), then hearing what he thought about me, then hearing what he thought about her ideas for marriage/next step timelines- it’s all been good and it’s a fun show to watch together too. oh and she has some (online somewhere) roleplay of good and bad ways to ask about if marriage is in the future/timelines and that was helpful for me. I adjusted it to what worked/felt right for me and for us. Good luck!
Post # 13
@Shkragoldfish: oh and she has some (online somewhere) roleplay of good and bad ways to ask about if marriage is in the future/timelines and that was helpful for me.
-I’m trying to find this with no luck! Let me know if you know where it is 🙂