(Closed) More timeline talk

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@emmalyn:  I’m 90% sure you’d commented on one of my posts about it so you may know my story, but in case you didnt: I’ve been asking for quite awhile and finally took advice from some recently engaged and married girls to stop acting like I cared. Like 4 days into that, he had just come home from work and said he wanted to talk to me about something (VERY out of character phrasing). He then said “I wanted to know when you’d like to be engaged by…does in the next 6 months work for you? Can you wait that long?”  I wanted to do a backflip, but I just shrugged and said “oh, that’s not up to me”.  That was February 18th, and six months is about August.  I’ve been trying REALLY hard not to get my hopes up and finally asked him if it was ok to be excited and he said “Yes” but i’m still cautious.

Post # 4
Member
7219 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

My best friend getting engaged has REALLY helped with the whole “talking about timelines” thing with the SO. I’ve used her engagement to: 1) extol the benefits of asking your girlfriend’s best friends to help you pick out a ring 2) express my desire to be dressed nicely and not bumming around the house when I’m proposed to 3) talk about when I want to get married 4) talk about babies and fertility 5) generally be able to casually bring up weddings, which naturally leads to us talking about our future wedding/marriage.

Post # 6
Member
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MexiPino:  I like your style, good thinking. ALL of our friends are engaged or recently married at this point, so pretty much every day he hears some comment about so-and-so’s life moving forward lol

Post # 7
Member
1670 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

It just sort of came up organically, I know that doesn’t help. He talked about when he wanted to get married, and then asked if December 2013 was an ok time to get engaged with that in mind. We’re both super type A and we plan out everything so it wasn’t too much of a surprise he’d want me on board with his timeline.

A good way to get cranking on it though is to talk about where you see your life over the next five years, and see what he says about his, and really listen. Then bring up (if he doesn’t) taking the next step sometime in the future and if/when he sees that happening.

Post # 8
Member
2131 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I didn’t initiate the conversation but the way my SO started the conversation with me could be helpful to you. After I made him dinner one night (it seems like we always have these conversations after our bellies are full lol) he just asked me, “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”. So I started talking about where I wanted to be career wise and  things I wanted to do with my house. He kindly interrupted me and said “I meant regarding you and me.” I didn’t know how to answer at first because we had only been together maybe 4 months and I didn’t want to scare him off…but I was honest and I said “In 5 years I see you being my husband.”  He kissed me and said “I see that happening in 2 years“…So you could ask the “Where do you see us in 5 years” question…

Post # 9
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

It was a healthy back and forth discussion for us. Honestly, I think if talking about marriage is a negative experience, that’s a bit of a red flag. It should be an easy and natural part of the discussion about the evolution of the relationship.

Post # 10
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

he initiated it but it was just a natural progression and we were both very open and honest with each other through the process. 

Post # 12
Member
1772 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@emmalyn:  one possibility is to watch the tv show “millionaire matchmaker” together.  nearly every episode she mentions that (for grown ppl) they should know if they’re getting married or not w/i a year of dating.  I’m pretty sure that’s how the topic came up “naturally” for us – he’d ask what I thought abt something and say his own opinion too.  

she also gives a lot of tips about how things should move fwd and what women should and should not stand for.  hearing my bf’s ideas on her tips (he agrees with pretty much all of them if a woman is looking to settle down), then hearing what he thought about me, then hearing what he thought about her ideas for marriage/next step timelines- it’s all been good and it’s a fun show to watch together too.  oh and she has some (online somewhere) roleplay of good and bad ways to ask about if marriage is in the future/timelines and that was helpful for me.  I adjusted it to what worked/felt right for me and for us.  Good luck!

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