Post # 1
i’m new to the board and have been enjoying reading all the posts. i have an issue and i would like some feedback: i’ve noticed that since my sweetie and i have been engaged, we’ve argued/disagreed more than we did when we dated. honestly, we dated for over three years (have been friends for 10+ years) and i can only remember 2 arguments during that time. in the few months we’ve been engaged, our arguments have far exceeded that amount. i chalk it up to stress. just want to know if anyone else has or is experiencing the same thing. if so, how are you dealing with it. thanks.
Post # 3
I’d agree that we def had more arguements during the engagment and even after the wedding – with the whole living together adjustment.
Before the wedding it was definitely stress related. We had some different priorities – I was focusing on the wedding and he was focusing on redoing the bathroom (an impt thing before family came to our house seeing as it was wallpapered when I bought the house and I’d let friends write all over the wallpaper – because I knew it would be taken down one day. I did not want all our family reading what was on those walls!) What really helped for us was over-communicating. It helped with our expectations of each other. We were both working on very impt things – and couldn’t really help the other person, the way that person was hoping for help. (If that makes sense)
The most important part of the arguements/disagreements is the ability to communicate and work through them. They will happen in marriage! Are you guys able to handle them and make it to the other side 🙂
Our moments are defintely few and far between now. It’s funny the other weekend we had a good one with tears and all. Afterward my hubby’s comment was "Ya know, It’s been a while, we were due for a good one" 🙂 Just made me start laughing!
Post # 4
To use an organizational behavior term every team or partnership goes through a "storming and norming" phase. When my fiance and I moved in together it was definitely stormy for quite a while until we were able to adjust to the changes.
Also, when you get engaged the stakes are higher, suddenly every little thing the other person does that bothers you becomes "omg I am going to have to deal with this forever." So tensions tend to run a little higher. My fiance and I try to treat our relationship and each other the same way as we did before the engagement, no taking each other for granted but no unreasonably high expectations either.
Post # 5
I think this is definitely true. But it’s because he never had anything to argue about. For us, I think it’s because we’ve never really had a "group project" to do, nevermind one that lasted over a year. I get annoyed when it’s supposed to be "our" wedding, but it’s really becoming "my" wedding. Although I know it’s usually the bride that does most of the work…
So I know I’m annoyed a lot more than I used to be. It kind of worries me that we’re quite bad when we’re supposed to be at working together. But we’re still good when we’re relaxing together.
Post # 6
I guess I can’t say we have argued more – but I know I get upset over things that I would have just let go before. There are things you can totally overlook when you are NOT going to be imminently living with somebody, because you can just walk away from their socks on the floor and dishes in the sink and complete inability to remember to lock a door. The funny thing is that he is really incredibly patient – I end up feeling totally unreasonable, and he just says "But you only get upset about it because you care so much." I guess I am really lucky to have such an understanding guy. And he promises to do better, which is good because otherwise some of these things are really going to drive me nuts.
I agree with Jilian – the important thing is that you are able to communicate. Figure out what is really bothering you – is it the dishes in the sink, or is it really something else? And talk about it, and remember even when you are arguing that you do love each other very much. And for me, I am trying really hard to learn to just shut up about whatever is bothering me until I’m not actually upset anymore – and then we can have a nice little rational talk about it, instead of an argument. And it gets worked out much more easily that way.
Post # 7
I find that this is sometimes the first time couples have worked together on joint project. Another reason as it’s the beginning of financial budgets as a team….