Post # 1
Hi Bees! Usually lurk and now I’m coming out of the woodwork. I’m looking for insight into what other married women would do in this situation…
My husband has a job downtown that starts around 830am. It’s about an hourish commute but the kicker here is that he is the “boss” and so, technically, work can start when he wants it to. I work from home but get up at 7-715am latest to take care of our pets and myself before starting work by 830am.
The issue I’m facing is that he’s been setting his alarm for 620am with the goal of getting up by 650am to leave by 7am. His alarm without fail wakes me up as I am a very light sleeper. He is snoozing his alarm at 630, 640 and 650, oftentimes even at 7am as well, meaning that I am awake whether I like it or not at least 40 minutes before I need to get up, and I don’t get back to sleep because of his snoozing. What really riles me up even more is that more than half of the time, he pulls this snoozing routine until I have to get up and then while I get up and take care of 5 pets, he stays in bed as long as he likes, snoozing with no alarm, Facebooking, until he “decides” he’s ready to start his day. Often this is as late as 730 or 745.
I’ve begun telling him that this is not acceptable, and on Monday I kicked him out of the bed to snooze on the couch but this morning he woke me up at 610am (early) and refused to go elsewhere to listen to his alarm over and over again.
WWYD? It’s getting to the point that not only am I losing sleep, I am waking up day after day annoyed and angry.
Post # 2
Shut off the alarm and let him oversleep.
Post # 3
I like hitting snooze and my husband haaaaaates it (he is the light sleeper). We’ve agreed I get 1 snooze and that’s it.
Post # 4
peggyhill: Not acceptable on his part. That’s unfair to you. It would drive me INSANE.
Post # 5
An old roommate of mime had this problem – it drove me crazy. She’d let it go for HOURS. We eventually found a neat solution – there are alarm clocks that come with vibrating options instead. There’s even one specifically for letting your partner sleep in thats a ring that you wear and it vibrates to wake you. It worked well for us and her partner.
Post # 6
I’m the snoozer in this scenario. Get him one of those fitness tracker bracelets if not JUST for the little buzzing alarm. It’ll buzz on his wrist and wake him up without making noise for you.
ETA: like PPs suggestion, I didn’t realize they had things like that separate from the fitness trackers!
Post # 7
I don’t know what I would do except get angry. I agree with you; it’s not fair for you to lose 40 minute of sleep because he prefers to hit snooze. We have a rule against that – it’s a respect thing.
One idea: start putting his alarm (even if it’s his phone) far enough away that he has to get out of bed to turn it off/hit snooze. He may decide it’s not worth the effort and either start getting up when it first goes off or start setting it later.
Post # 8
KatieBklyn: I do enjoy this idea but unfortunately my moving over him to get to his phone would probably wake him up.
Post # 9
I had this exact problem with my husband too! We negotiated and agreed he gets 1 snooze, then the actual alarm he has to get up to.
Post # 10
Thank you for your replies so far! I agree that it’s a respect thing and it’s getting to the point that I’m going to blow up, which I want to prevent. The ring alarm sounds neat! This morning I was telling him again that’s it not acceptable and he tried to tell me that he “changed his alarm tone,” thinking maybe a new sound won’t wake me up? Which doesn’t make sense. He won’t agree to one snooze because he “enjoys” the snooze time so much so we’ll see how tonight’s conversation goes.
Post # 11
Lol this was the subject of our first “fight” like 9 years ago. Fiance gets one snooze if I’m still in bed, and that’s it.
Post # 12
Darling Husband used to snooze a lot an hour to an hour and a half before I woke up. I asked him to tone it down and now he only snoozes once and makes an effort to silence the ringing as fast as he possibly can. I think your husband is being ridiculously selfish if he won’t reach some sort of compromise with you.
Post # 13
peggyhill: I could have written this post!! My Darling Husband is notoroious for having the intention to get up early (to do work or work out), but then changes his mind in the AM when his alarm goes off. Same goes for normal days too. His alarms are annoying ones, and it doesn’t even faze him. It drives me crazy! He’ll sleep in, then rush to get ready for work and out the door, not leaving any time to help me with the dogs or to make his own lunch. (I know I could just not make his lunch, but he’ll come in to the kitchen as I’m finishing up mine and pull the puppy dog “did you make me one?” line.)
I’m curious to read the other responses. I think I’d have a difficult time getting him to wear a vibrating band of the sorts. We also are pregnant with our first baby so I figure our sleep patterns are going to change drastically in the next month and a half anyway! Good luck!
Post # 14
My Fiance does this, but not as bad. He wanted 3 snoozes, which was not ok for me. that’s 30 min I could be sleeping. We settled on 1. That’s fair. Your husband is being very selfish.
Post # 15
I think it would be really frustrating and exhausting for you, but also could not seem like a big deal to him since you work from home. I can relate to the issue of him being the boss too. My Fiance and I are both alarm snoozers, which makes it a bit easier, but at his last his last job was also the boss who would come into work whenever he got in. He would like to set his alarm at 7:40 AM and let it ring until 10, which would drive me crazy. I am also a morning person who likes to wake up consistently (8 AM) to feed our pets without being at the mercy of hearing an alarm every 10 minutes for almost an hour. I also had a flexible schedule at the time, which forced me to adjust to his schedule.
BUT, my first college roommate and best friend was a super light sleeper and my alarm snoozing ways drove her crazy. Once she told me I felt terrible and got a softer gentler progression alarm and did my absolute best to not hit snooze. I think that if he is distracting from your sleep, it is not fair.
Based on my own experiences, I think this is all about your husband disrupting your natural schedule, but also not understanding that your work schedule is a priority for you. Perhaps can you discuss your morning priorities, and find a schedule where you both get up together?