Post # 1
So I’m Maid/Matron of Honor (and only bridesmaid) in my friend’s upcoming wedding. She’s getting married at 11:00am and her venue is this gorgeous place way outside of town. Her family lives just over an hour away, and she’ll be staying with them the night before her wedding. A couple months ago, I asked her where she wanted me to stay and if we’d be staying together the night before the wedding. She said yes, we should have a girl’s night the evening before, at her family’s home. I emailed her recently to confirm the details of that evening since everything had been extremely up-in-the-air (re: hotel rooms hadn’t been booked for anyone, even the other wedding party members) and asked if we were still staying at her family’s home or if I should be getting a hotel room and if I could for-sure get a ride with her, etc.?
She’s extremely laid-back and said that whatever I wanted to do was fine, she’d totally understand if I wanted to get a hotel room for myself, but she’d be staying at her family home and I was welcome to, as well. It’s kind of a tough situation. I mean, I’d prefer to have my own space to get ready (a bathroom to shower in, room to change, maybe even time to run to a salon solo and get my hair done, etc.) which is not likely to happen at her family’s home, since there will be about 15 people staying there and I won’t have a car with me, but she’s been extremely anxious about the wedding and I want to support her, especially since I know she could be a nervous wreck the night before/morning of. I think I would feel very guilty for ditching her, even though she hasn’t pressured me to do anything. I have a massive guilt complex, naturally.
I spoke to a friend about it, who said since I had originally made the plan to stay with her months ago, I should stick to it. I think she’s probably right, but I can’t help feeling like I’m going to be underfoot and in the way constantly in a small home with 15 people getting ready for a wedding. I will also have to do my own hair/make-up.
What would you do? Thoughts? Does it make any sense for me to get a hotel room nearby and have my husband drop me off at her house, completely ready to go, at like 7am or something so I can still be with her? I don’t mind getting up at like 5am if that’s what it takes.
Post # 2
Would you have a car with you if you stayed at the hotel? If not, how will you and the bride eventually get to the same place? Will she have to go out of the way to get you? Is the wedding ceremony at the hotel? Will you not see her until she arrives for the ceremony?
I think you should stay at the house (if she wants you there) and enjoy all the chaos as just part of the insanity of weddings. It’ll all make a really great story later I’m sure.
I just couldn’t dream of being a bridesmaid and not being there to help her put the dress on.
However if you do have a car – I don’t see too much harm in getting a good night’s sleep, getting up real early to get yourself ready then heading over to the house to get the bride ready and be there for her.
Oh – I didn’t see the option about your husband. Yea – that sounds like it could work. Get up as early as possible 🙂
Post # 3
anonybee0810: In this situation I would stay with her. Especially since you said she’s really nervous. I’m sure she’d appreciate your support.
It does suck with hair and make up…. who’s doing hers? Can they do your as well? Or maybe there is another friend or family member who can do your hair for you. While it sucks not having it done professionally, it’s more important to be there for your friend.
Post # 4
koi424: If I stayed at a hotel, my husband and I would have our car with us. He would drop me off at her family’s home before heading to her fiance’s hotel, near the venue, where he will be taking getting-ready pictures for them.
The bride and I would then travel to the venue together, with her parents. She intends to do most of her getting-ready at the venue, and will therefore be going there hours early (like probably between 8am and 9am), and putting on her dress there.
If I stay at her family home, my husband will either drive me there after the rehearsal dinner, or I will go home with her family after the rehearsal dinner. I will have to do most of my getting ready at her house, presumably while she sleeps/packs, etc. and then helping her once we get to the venue, so I doubt I’ll miss any/much of the getting ready regardless of where I stay.
She’s not the type to explicitly state where she wants me or if she needs me. And the vibe right now is that it doesn’t matter, but I’m nervous she’ll have a panic-attack right before her wedding and want me there.
Post # 5
winterwoodlandbride15: I agree, re: being there for her. My biggest concern is how disrupting I will be in my haste to do all my getting-ready at her house before we leave, since we’ll be leaving fairly early and there will be so many people around.
She is doing her own make-up and offered to do mine, which I’m hesitant to take her up on since she’ll be so busy and nervous (I got married not too long ago and I couldn’t have committed to do anyone’s anything on that crazy morning). A family friend is partially doing her hair, but the offer hasn’t been extended to me, or at least, no one has mentioned it.
Post # 6
anonybee0810: I’d stay with her. My favorite part of my wedding was 3 of my best friends spending the night with me at my cabin while my fiancé was with his friends the night before our weddinb. You’ll be glad you did 🙂
Post # 7
My gut says stay with her! I could be projecting here, but she sounds like she’s a conscientious person and probably doesn’t want to inconvenience anyone, but if she’s nervous, she could really use your support and presence. (If she’s nervous now, she’ll have lots of nerves the night before too!) If you’re willing to get up at 5am to get over there early enough, could you get up at 5am at her place and get moving before everyone else?