(Closed) Mortgage before or after marriage?

posted 4 years ago in 20 Something
  • poll: Should a mortgage come before or after marriage?

    Buying a house before getting married is ALWAYS a bad idea, period.

    Buying a house before marriage is fine (if you're both comfortable with it)

  • Post # 2
    Member
    346 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    I would wait on the house purely because of your ages. However, Fiance and I bought our house while we were dating, and as long as everything is in both names you have nothing to worry about.

    Post # 3
    Member
    6331 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Your relationship is great now, but there’s no guarantee for the future. It is going to be a huge hassle if you own a house together and then break up. The legal protections are different when you’re married v unmarried. Sure, there are some people who have bought a house together and lived happily ever after, but it seems like an awfully big risk to take, especially at your young age. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    2343 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2016

    Honestly, this is one of those situations where I think “to each their own”. If you’re comfortable buying a house before being engaged/married, that’s fine. If you would prefer to wait until you’re engaged/married, that’s fine too.

    DH and I bought a house about 2 years before we got engaged. We had been together over 6 years (high school sweethearts) and had been saving for years. I didn’t overly care about getting married and would have been happy never getting married, so the house before the marriage never really bothered me. DH wanted to have a house before we got married so that he could budget for our wedding lol (as in he would know how much our mortgage repayments are, etc etc). We got engaged 2 years later almost to the day and got married a little over a year after that. We’ve now been in our home about 3.5 years and are very happy there. I don’t think I could have waited any longer to move out of my parent’s home but didn’t really want to rent – all the money I had previously been saving from each paycheck would have gone to rent, so it would have been very hard for me to continue growing my savings. I don’t regret buying with DH before we were married – it was a big financial committment, but we were confident that we were it for each other (my views on marriage also probably helped with this).

    If being at least engaged before buying a house is important to you, you need to discuss it with your boyfriend. Relationships are all about communication and compromise, so this is something that you should be able to talk about without feeling judged.

    ETA: I was 24 and DH was 23 when we bought our house, so very similar ages to you guys. I’m about to turn 27 and DH has just turned 26. Not saying that you’re the same as us, just that I sympathise with the whole being young thing lol.

    Post # 6
    Member
    927 posts
    Busy bee

    I think life changes a lot after you both graduate, and you are also so young. What if you decide to move for work or something else comes up and your wish list for a house changes? I would be firm on waiting. I believe you’re also more protected legally in terms of how the house gets split if you get divorced rather than just separated. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    2457 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

    Personally I wouldn’t buy a house with anyone I wasn’t married to.  Maybe, if we were actively wedding planning, engaged.  But honestly I wouldn’t buy a house with a boyfriend.

    Post # 8
    Member
    9443 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    I’m just not sure buying a house at such a young age with a boyfriend makes sense. It might if you were both in your 30s and established in your careers. But how do you know you want to stay where you are right now? What if you get an awesome oppertunity somewhere else? What if you decide you want to pursue more school which will require moving? 

    And you’re so young, you aren’t done with school yet, so much could change. My SIL’s boyfriend of 7 years recently broke up with her because once they graduated college he realized they were heading in different directions even though they had been talking marriage. I think at your age it’s probably not the best decision to buy a house with a boyfriend.

    Post # 9
    Member
    424 posts
    Helper bee

    Well I have to disagree with Option #1 because we bought our house before we were engaged. And we’re married and still going strong, so… it’s not ALWAYS a bad idea.

    However, for you, your age is the dealbreaker for me. Early twenties are a time of massive and significant development as a person, and not all relationships can withstand that. That would make it a bit risky. But, it STILL doesn’t mean that it’s definitely a bad idea. People have done it before.

    There really is no magic formula. I’d personally wait ’til you’ve gotten a bit older, though, to remove some of the key variables.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1117 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2017

    There should be an in between answer. While it’s not ALWAYS a bad idea, it’s not an especially wise one. I, personally, would never buy a house with someone unless I was married to them. The “what if’s” if the relationship went sour just aren’t worth it to me.  

    Post # 11
    Member
    104 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    Yes, buying a house is a huge risk. But financially if you can break into the market now, at your age, you would be doing better then most people. Only do it if you and your partner are reliable and dependable! And you think there is a future for both of you.

    I personally was not engaged to my partner when we bought our house and now we are engaged and going to get married in less then 6 months. We are happy that we bought a house first as I know what he is like now that we’ve lived together for 3 years and I know how responsible he is. I feel 100% certain going into a marriage with him now and I know who he is.

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    1116 posts
    Bumble bee

    This is definitely a couple by couple basis type of thing. DH and I bought a home before we were married but our wedding date was set for 3 months after we closed. If we had not had a wedding date set I wouldn’t have purchased a home with him. On the flipside I am friends with a couple that have been together for well over a decade and have no marriage plans who just bought a house together. It’s really all about each couple’s level of comfort.

    Post # 13
    Member
    282 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    agree each couple is different. I never even considered buying a house with my then BF and I was in my 30s. We were both renting different places and I decided I was ready to buy a home. I purchased one that I could afford on my own, and he wanted to live together so I said sure and he paid me rent (we agreed on 1/3 of mortgage&taxes would be his rent).

    I wouldnt be comfortable buying a house with someone I wasnt engaged/married to but I am a cynical person

    Post # 14
    Member
    9111 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    View original reply
    kinlee :  I refused to own property with anyone I wasn’t married to. I bought our house while DH and I were dating and he has always lived in it with me, but sharing a home is not the same as sharing a financial investment. We looked at a few houses that were only on the market because a non-married couple broke up. Now that we are married all of our finances are fully merged and if we ever move we will own the next house together. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    616 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    NDTieTheKnot :  
    View original reply
    kinlee :  

    It’s irresponsible and naive to buy a house before marriage without an ironclad legal agreement protecting you in the event of a break up, job loss or disability of your partner, death of a partner, etc.  No one likes to think about the unpleasant aspects of life, but part of being financially responsible is making sure you’re protected.  Even with a contract, you would need to have the funds to pursue litigation if there was a breach of contract.  

    Being on title provides very limited protections so there is plenty to worry about. I.e. your bf could move out of that home and refuse to pay for repairs and the mortgage and you would need to be able to pay all housing related expenses yourself or potentially lose the house to foreclosure. 

    There are many other ways to invest your money and at 22 you’re likely to need to move at least once for a job if not twice before 30.  (Generally 7 years in a home is considered the break even point when deciding whether to rent or own.) If you’re set on owning, buy a home by yourself to limit your risk.  

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