(Closed) Mortgage before or after marriage?

posted 5 years ago in 20 Something
  • poll: Should a mortgage come before or after marriage?

    Buying a house before getting married is ALWAYS a bad idea, period.

    Buying a house before marriage is fine (if you're both comfortable with it)

  • Post # 16
    321 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2017

    I agree with PP that say there needs to be an in between option… I brought my first home by myself, so obviously I wasn’t married then. In fact, I had just split up with my ex fiance and decided that without the weight of a wedding to pay for, I could afford my own home, and did.

    My now DH moved in with me and paid rent rather than sharing the mortgage… when we were ready to move on to a bigger and better house last year, there was no question that we would buy together. It didn’t occur to me that we should wait until we were married (and at that point DH said he would never be married, and I certainly couldn’t afford a step up in the property ladder on my own!).

    Happily married now, obviously, but definitely weren’t before buying my first or even second house.

    The only thing I would wait for in your sutuation is a stable job. Age/ marital status has nothing to do with it for me if you can afford it, then that’s great… but if you might need to relocate for work, then that confuses things. Maybe aime to spend the next year or so saving really hard (which will reduce the loan amount), and then buy when life is a but more stable? So same goal, just a little later…

    Post # 17
    4556 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    So I’ll give you a little bit about our life because we’re not much older than you and sounds like we’re similar. I’ve been with my DH since we were 17, got engaged the summer before our senior year of college. DH got a promotion before we graduated so he was driving 70+ miles one way until we graduated and could move. We rented a house in the new area and 6 months later we were under contract on a new construction home. We ended up closing on our house last April (we were 23) and then 3 weeks later, we got married. We have a brand spanking new house that is 1 year and 15 days old. It is going on the market any day now because DH just got a job in Florida (we live in GA) and he starts 3 weeks from tomorrow. Thankfully our home value has gone up almost 40k in the past year so well probs make a lil money, but this is definitely not normal so soon! We plan on finding a short term rental until we find our house in Florida to buy, but we plan on being there at least until we have 1 kid. I’ll be 25 later this week and May 8th will be 2 years since we graduated college. In the 2 years since we graduated, this will be our 4th time moving! I am OVER IT!! So now that I’ve gone off on my soapbox, I would say that only you know your relationship, but I think considering the next couple of years could be crazy, it might not be best to buy until you know exactly where you want to be.. whether you’re married or not.

    Post # 18
    682 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    View original reply
    kinlee :  I agree with the PPs about the age. Fiance & I bought a house together more than a year before our wedding and 6 months or so before we even got engaged. But we’re a good bit older and had both owned homes on our own previously. I had way too many friends buy houses together in their early 20s and it ended poorly with all of them.

    If he wants to buy a home, fine and dandy, but he can do it on his own. Doesn’t mean you can’t still live together, then you can be added to the mortgage later when you’re comfortable with it (or not and that’s okay too). But I wouldn’t put myself in a position to be committed to something for 30 years at the age of 22 with someone I’m not married to. Or even at all really.

    Post # 19
    2229 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 2015

    I refused to buy a house until we were engaged. Have seen way too many situations go badly

    Post # 20
    455 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2017

    Especially with your age I wouldn’t do it. It isnt worth risking the legal nightmare if things go south but I also don’t think I would do it at any age before marriage. 

    Post # 21
    444 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    ‘Before marriage’ can be very vague because every relationship is different, 


    I would wait –  but only because you’re still young (yeah, I know no one ever likes to hear that, but the next few years will make all the difference).  Fi and I got a house and a mortgage before we were engages, but I think we had agreed that I was expecting a proposal once the finances involved had calmed down.  We moved into our house at Easter and we were engaged by the end of May.  We’re both in our early 30s and both in good careers (which seemed very elusive back in our 20s.)  You sound like you’re in a much better financial situation than FI and I were in our 20’s and we had been in your position we probably would have had some amazing holidays, or gone traveling or had some adventures before committing to a mortgage.  


    That said – if your Fiance is REALLY keen on buying a home and is in a position by himself to do so – investing in a place and renting it out might not be a bad idea.

    Post # 22
    1415 posts
    Bumble bee

    I wanted to be engaged first, so that’s what we did. But I am  glad we bought our house and have gotten settled before planning the wedding. Both of these are very stressful events and time consuming. Also it helps to know now we have our house, we have no risk of blowing the wedding budget and spending our house deposit savings. 

    Post # 23
    11 posts
    • Wedding: June 2018

    So I am young (23) and my boyfriend (at the time), Fiance now, bought a house about a year ago as I had graduated from my undergrad and was going into a 5 year Ph.D. program.  We had been together about 4 years at the time.  I am not saying this is realistic or a good idea for everyone but it is not “always” a bad idea.  I was only 22 and he 24 when we bought, and we were the youngest couple our realtor had ever helped.  Now my Fiance has been working full time for 5 years as a mechanic so he had a savings and a job and I had essentially nothing, in fact I am not on the morgage as my income-to-dept ratio is too high (thanks student loans…)  

    I had to think alot about what would happen if we broke up since it is not my house legally, it is his. I know my relationship and I felt relatively confident everything would work out but I know this is not always a good way to go.  As of now, everything is great, we recently got engaged and our wedding will be next summer.

    Ultimatly you need to do what you feel comfortable with.  No one else knows your relationship like you do and therefore NO ONE ELSE can make this decision for you. Financially it has been great for us as I have been able to pay my student loans while I am a graduate student but my situation may not work for everyone. 

    By The Way, I do not live here free of charge, I pay all the utilities bills and half the groceries so he isn’t paying for the house and all the charges that go along with it. 

    Bee, do what you and your boyfriend think is best and what you’re both comfortable with.  Keep in mind if you have a lot of loans and/or neither of you have a job the morgage companies like you may have a hard time finding a morgage.  

    Good luck!

    Post # 24
    2778 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

    My husband and I looked into homes before we got married.

    For us, it was important to move in together before marriage for various reasons. Likewise, we both saw a better investment in a house rather than renting. We also knew strongly that marriage was going to be the next step in our life plan after buying the home.

    That said, I was adamant about not being on any documents until after marriage. It is a large financial commitment and one I felt better reserving until we were married. My husband was paying the downpayment and already wanted to look into home purchasing anyhow. We split the bills 50/50 including mortgage which I didnt have an issue with. Either way, you’d pay rent somewhere. If we didn’t work out, I wouldn’t have felt bad paying part of his mortgage (I’ve seen some people express they arranged it so they didn’t pay it in some scenarios because they felt it would be unfair somehow).

    That said, by all legal aspects the house is completely his. Even so, we looked and chose the house together. For every legal detail, I was also kept involved. Naturally we got married and it’s still in his name alone. We plan to sell in a few years so I don’t feel it necessary to go to the hassle of having my name added. The next house will be us both. The house doesn’t feel any less mine but, if we did even split now, I wouldn’t have wanted to keep the home or get a share anyways. So, I’ve always been prepared for this home to be his home in any outcome.

    Ultimately, you have to do what you feel is best and what situations you are prepared for. In some cases, buying together would be not advisable. In some cases, it may make sense. Only you know what to do and can accept any risks with that. I will say handling a breakup on top of trying to sell the house for your shares can be a mess…so, something to heavily consider if you aren’t sure about your relationship. You’ve both been together a considerable amount of time though you can’t rely entirely on that factor. Of course, even with marriage you take on risks, but it’s entirely understandable to take those risks after rather than before if that’s important to you. For some, marriage doesn’t change an aspect of their relationship and for some it may. For me, marriage before sharing any other legal commitments was important. 

    Post # 25
    1110 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2018

    We plan on buying a house before marriage! We wanted to buy a house this summer before the lease ends instead of waiting another year and house hunting the same time as the wedding! We are engaged and have been together 6.5 years and lived together in a rental for 3.

    Post # 26
    4 posts
    • Wedding: April 2018

     For me, buying a home is a must. Maybe even before marriage!

    Post # 27
    236 posts
    Helper bee

    As others have said, it depends on your situation. We bought first, but we’re well past our 20s. 😉 This was the best decision we’ve made. The real estate market has gone insane here over the last few years and we’d be hosed if we tried to buy now. We have a townhome, and other units in the development are now selling for almost double what we got it for 3 years ago! It’s insane. If you want to see something shocking, go to a real estate website and look at housing prices in and around Toronto. Then pick your chin off the floor. 

    …so be aware of the market in your area, too. 

    Post # 28
    667 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    Personally, I wouldn’t buy a property with a boyfriend. I’ve lived with boyfriends in the past, but the financial exposure if everything went wrong was relatively tiny in terms of the lease. I wouldn’t be comfortable risking it on a house purchase without a prior commitment (engagement or marriage), but for me I knew marriage was non-negotiable.

    Also, in the last 10 years, the flexibility from renting has been great for me. I’ve moved from Scotland to England, took a gamble on voluntary redundancy, taken jobs that are nowhere near my home location for my career progression. I’m now in a much more comfortable position and at the point where my fi and I will be looking to buy in the next year or so, with our wedding September next year.

    From the outside, I’d lean more towards not buying now until you’ve settled into your career a bit, irresepctive of marital status. However, as PP said, it’s entirely up to you and the dynamic of your relationship/career

    Post # 29
    1970 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2017

    I would definitely wait. Im still young, 25, and what some of the other PPs said is true about possibly moving. I told my Fiance I didn’t want to get married or make permanent plans to be in one place until I was done with college because I knew my field of work would most likely take me elsewhere other than where we were living. Sure enough we relocated for my career an hr and a half away from where we were and have been here almost a year (in July). Tomorrow will be 3 years that we’ve been together and our relationship has not wavered at all through me finished school, waiting to get engaged,  moving, and etc. However,  you won’t know the future until you get there.  My Fiance knew how important my career was to me and he knew that I would chase my dreams from the very beginning when we started dating. He supports me 100% and relocated his job with no questions asked. Next step is marriage for us and then saving to buy a house. I wouldn’t buy a house with a bf. Only husband. 

    Post # 30
    2363 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    Reading just the title would have been a different answer than reading your specifics.

    You’re both 22, which in my opinion would be way too young to commit to buying a house. As mentioned by PP’s, you don’t know where life will take you in the future. You might have to move for a job, you might loose the jobs you have now. Do you have any emergency fund? Do you have enough money for a down payment? Do you have enough money to afford home insurance? Do you have enough money for your potential mortgage payment? Do you have student loans that you might not have to pay on now, but will have to in the future?

    There are so many unknowns.

    If you aren’t rushing to get engaged or married why would you rush to buy a house? They’re all big commitments in their own rights. 

    I understand wanting to own a home, I think we all do. However, there is nothing wrong with renting at your age. 


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