Post # 46
I totally agree. I know couples in their 30’s who are no where near as mature as my boyfriend and I are in our early 20’s (in many aspets of a relationship, if I don’t say so myself). And yet because they’re in their 30’s, I’m sure they would get more approval to go ahead and buy a house than what my boyfriend and I would get. Why is that? Yes, I know my brain is still growing (although the last time I checked your brain doesn’t “fully mature” until AFTER you hit 30 (so I suppose we ought not to do anything “risky” until after we’re 30, god forbid we stay together through those risks and let our relationship learn and grow from it rather than avoiding them and still claiming to have a strong relationship…HA), and I know age is more often than not synonymous with life experience, and more life experience often puts you in a better position to make better life decisions, yadda yadda yadda…That’s all fair and legit concerns when you’re looking at young age. But I also think that BridetoBee2017 is right in saying it’s foolish to judge one’s ability based on age alone. Of course, we’re also looking at where we’re at in our careers, professional education, etc. along with age, but I think it’s really important to keep in mind that yes, my boyfriend and I are in our early 20’s but if we didn’t have stuff going on with school and settling our careers first, I know without a doubt we would be 100% okay buying a house.
That being said, we’re not buying a house anytime soon, mostly because I personally would like to be married before buying a house with him. That’s just my personal preference. I know we’d be fine if we DID buy a house first (despite our age), but we’re choosing not to because, as many of you have suggested, we want to have our careers settled, travel a bit, and I want to be graduated from college first. By then, he’ll have been graduated for a year or two with a steady job and we’ll be in a much better position to look at buying a house (and renting for another couple of years, despite being a bit of a waste of money, will help us figure out what we like in a house before we commit to purchasing one).
Thanks for all the responses!
Post # 47
- Wedding: August 2017 - Combermere Abbey
Personally I would not want to commit to a house with someone before I was at least engaged. So in your case I would definitely wait.
I have known people who did it both ways, some turned out well and others did not in both circumstances.
A work colleague got a house with her Fiance at the time. They broke up during their engagement. Now even two years down the line they are STILL arguing about how to split the money and who owes who. No thank you.
On the other had a couple of my friends who are in a relationship have just bought a flat together. They seem very tight and will most likely get married soon but they are not even engaged so who knows.
I think you are sensible. Your boyfriend should not push you into a huge financial committment if you are not comfortable with it. If he is as invested in you as he says he is then he can bloody well put a ring on your finger first.
For me it doesn’t matter how young or old you are. If you have expectations of marriage with the person you are thinking to get a house with – MARRIAGE first, THEN house.
Post # 48
Marriage first. If he won’t get engage and planning a wedding with you I wouldn’t commit to a house with him
Post # 49
I totally agree. He says proposing right now is not because he’s not committed to me, it’s that he doesn’t think he’s ready or mature enough for marriage yet and he wants us to be in a better place first (e.g. me being finished with school/starting my career and him being more estbalished with his career). Which is totally understandable, being that we’re both only 22. The problem is, he doesn’t think he’s ready for marriage but somehow thinks he’s ready for a mortgage (which personally doesn’t make any sense to me). Or, he thinks we need to be in a more stable position career/education-wise before marriage but not before getting a mortgage. This doesn’t amke sense to me either. Perhaps thinking that one can be ready for a mortgage but not marriage says something about maturity or somewhat lack of understanding about either entities? I don’t know.
Post # 50
I think buying a house before marriage is fine, however I agree that what your bf is saying doesn’t make sense. He wants to be established in his career and be financially stable before marriage, but not before buying a house? When really the opposite is true. Getting married can cost as little as a few hundred at the court house. Afterwards your lives can continue on as before. Whereas a mortgage is a 30 year commitment that you need to be reasonably financial stable for.
Post # 51
- Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre
We bought a house before marriage and it will be ready for us to move into after we get back from our honeymoon.