Post # 1
NEVEr did I understand why couples fight over money.. made no sense to me.. until 2 weeks ago when FH and I found ourselves YELLING at each other over the topic. I’ve been in lala land for a week because I can’t handle the pain of my little ultimatum..
We have $0 in savings yet we have been together 9 years. We are planning on getting married next year (so I thought).. don’t even get me started on that please. He wants to buy a house (again $0 in savings!!). We have gone house hunting and got an idea of how much $$ we would approved for from the bank.. a number that inn our area and surrounding areas will get us almost nothing- not even joking. We looked at some co-ops but they want 25% down which was looking like $40,000+- again no savings. So here I’m flipping out because I don’t see HOW he thinks we are coming up with this massive amount of money. He refuses to rent since he will be making more $$ at his job in upcoming years and will be able to afford a house then and he thinks rent is throwing his money away. I come from a home where we’ve rented this apt since before I was born. His home was bought. You go with you rcomfort I get that but I’m beyond worried that he is going to put us in a bad financial situation. Besides the fact that obviously we aren’t going to get married while still living under seperate roofs. I love him but I absolutely can’t see waiting 10 more years to buy a home and get married. I’m 28, he’s 42. I want a baby one day. I want a baby AFTER we are married. I’ve been so angry with him, with us these last 2 weeks that I started making myself feel like we were broken up so that I could begin to handle the pain. I just don’t know how we are going to do it. Here I’ve been all excited wedding planning and all and now I put everything on stop. I don’t even know what to do with myself when I’m home if I’m not browsing wedding bee or the knot or looking at magazines.
Is anyone else going through this “Where are we going to live” problem? I feel sooo out of control and that is not a healthy place for me.
Post # 3
I’m sure you recognize this, but buying a house with nothing in savings is really dangerous. There are going to be inevitable upgrades you need to make, things break, regulat home improvements, decorating, furnishing costs… Ideally, you should have like 6 months of expenses saved, PLUS the down payment.
Good luck! Maybe if you two go to a financial planner, he’ll realize what needs to be done?
Post # 4
I dont really think this is worth arguing about because at the end of the day, I dont think you would be able to buy a house with nothing in the bank like that. He can want it all he wants, but it’s not likely to happen and he’ll find that out soon enough. And even if he was going to make more money in the future, how does that help pay for buy a house NOW?
Post # 5
As someone with a guy who owns a home, let me just say that the $1600 we’re facing to replace the water heater that just broke last night (cold showers – yay!), on top of the $1000 we’re paying for stucco repair that includes trying to get a bird out of the walls that moved into what was a small hole and the $5000 we’re paying for a new roof and downspouts is not so much fun to think about. Especially knowing that the water heater needs to be fixed/paid for within the next week and all of the other stuff comes due in about 3-4 weeks.
Rent is not “throwing money away.” Rent is paying for shelter. Most people who viewed homes as investments and got in over their heads did so by forgetting that the number one thing you are paying for is for the roof over your head. That’s it. Anything beyond that is just frosting on the cake and really shouldn’t be expected. All of these costs are not recovered in the various tax benefits and all that for homeowners. And don’t even get me started on the bathroom renovations we’re doing ourselves or the kitchen we need to gut and replace later this year.
We are very fortunate because SO bought the house as a bachelor and refused to buy what he was approved for by the bank. They were willing to give him a massive loan based on his income. However, he realized that as only a guy on his own, unemployment would have to cover his expenses. He calculated his unemployment rate and then picked a price range that would be covered by it. It’s a damn good thing he thought ahead because his company shut down last year and now he’s making almost 30% less than what he made before in his new job.
There is no promise that he will make more money. None. If you guys don’t even have savings now to put down, there is no way it’s a wise decision. There are many folks who think the housing market is due for more declines, especially if interest rates go up to keep inflation in check. If that happens, you guys could find yourselves underwater very quickly.
Post # 6
I’m more concerned at why, at 42, he not only has $0 in savings, but also doesn’t know he needs $ to put down to buy a house. I agree about seeing a financial planner.
Post # 7
Because of the economy, you will need to have money for a down payment or minor renovations, etc. Darling Husband and I rent and we’re in Cali. We hope to buy a home in the next 5yrs since we now have to deal w/ infertility. I 2nd about going to financial planner and let the person explain that unless he starts seriously saving, you will have to rent. And if he’s still against that, then you’ll have to decide what is more important to you. Being engaged forever until he’s able to buy a house or being married and renting.
Post # 8
@pinkshoes: you took the words right out of my mouth.
If the bank won’t approve him for a loan large enough to buy anything as you say…and he has $0 in the bank, how is he going to actually buy a house?
Post # 9
I would definitely recommend sitting down with a financial planner or one of the money websites to see actually what needs to be saved for each major purchase/life event. I think he’s being very unrealistic.
Post # 10
@LibertyBelle: + 500000
I think regardless, nothing is going to happen anytime soon due to his/your financial situation.
This is something important to find out now, before you tie the knot, as finances can ruin a marriage.
Post # 11
I think when deciding between renting vs. buying there is a lot to be taken into consideration. Without ever really thinking it through, I always assumed I wanted to buy a house one day. Now, I am not so sure. If ever, it will be a long time down the road. One of my biggest fears is being tied to a house. I imagine different scenarios, i.e. being offered a great job that would require relocating, but having to turn it all down due to not being able to sell the house. Here is an interesting article that points out some benefits of renting:
By The Way, I am not trying to be rude, but it is very concerning that your SO is 42 and has $0 in savings. Perhaps there is some reason, but quite scary none the less. I wish you both the best in your savings and decisions towards your dreams.
Post # 12
Sorry that you are in this situation. He really needs to get to the reality that he will not be able to purchase a home with $0 in savings. Even if he says he will be making more money in the future, the bank doesn’t care, they want to see the $ there…he will not get a loan. With that said, have you tried explaning this to him?
Also..even if you want to rent, you have to be prepared to give $ for security deposit and/or 1 months rent…so you really need to have some kind of $…
Post # 13
@abbie017: THAT is exactly my point that I make to him constantly… he should know too.. his parents house had a water/pipe problem that somehow ended up costing $11,000!!!! His response to this was “well, that never really happens”.
Post # 14
@ananeele: Totally agree with this, but I wasnt going to go down that road.
Also, you say you’ve been with him 9 years! So the *both* of you have no savings?? Surely you cant entirely fault him for this lack of foresight and the fustrations for either of you not having any savings. I know a lot of people dont combine accounts and what not until they are married, but in all this time did you guys never discuess the future and goals (both personal and financial) and how to plan for them? I’m sure its fustrating, but it cant really be a surprise what the financial situation is right now.. unless you mean the moneys all tied up in investments and theres no liquid savings.
Post # 15
Just curious, have you guys set a budget for the wedding? Fiance and I are paying for (our portion) of the wedding with mostly savings. I’m not sure if either of you has researched how much weddings do/should/will cost, but depending on the type of wedding you want and your area it might end up being around the same as a down payment on a house. I know not all weddings cost 40k, and the “average” wedding probably costs less than the 25k you read about. But I think unless you’re planning small, casual, or DIY (or some combination of the above) wedding it will cost a significant amount of money. And I know there are brides here who throw one for 5000 or go to the courthouse (both of which are great), but I don’t think that everyone is able to have the wedding they want for that little. Is your Fiance aware of the cost of a wedding?
Post # 16
I agree with all of you… kind of making me sadder though but at least its not just me.
Ugh, well he’s 42 with no savings because he had been with several companies that went under in the last 5 years. Before that he was stupid with money obviously and went out and had fun rather than saved. Plus he has a teenager who lives with him and another he pays child support to and will continue to until the year AFTER we hope to be married. He just finally got a gov’t job and started to open his eyes. I keep doing the whole “If you would have thought of this FIVE YEARS AGO” thing but that isn’t going to help… I got into a car accident and got a shit settlement which I put away and have been saving since but I refuse to use that for a down payment on a house. SOrry.. it’s my money I’ve dreamed of a wedding my whole life. ANd if I end up not getting married I need $$ to fall back on so I’m not touching this. (It’s not enough for a down payment anyway). We’re both hard headed and see it our way.. only I see it his way too.. I just don’t feel the least bit comfortable. I mean I see the pros and cons of both owning and renting and honestly, I am not comfortable with owning and just being able to get by. I’m scared shitless.
I already told my mom I wanna live home forever. She said that was fine.. until she dies. Which also was scary to think that if I did live home forever, when she dies I would be out on the street because she rents and I couldn’t afford it (least not at this moment).
Isn’t home shopping/wedding planning supposed to be fun!?