(Closed) Most days I want to call off the whole wedding ordeal

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this, but honestly, if I was you, I would leave and never look back. I know that is easier said than done, but try looking at what you have written from an outsider’s point of view. I think you will see what I mean. I really do hope you find your way and things get better for you. No one should have to live like you are living now. You have described a very controlling and abusive relationship.

Post # 5
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

WOW…honestly it sounds like your really upset. is it really that bad or is it just bad now because you are upset. From what I am reading he is mentally and emotionally abusing you (this is just my opinion).

 

Have you tried talking to him about counseling?? if you feel in your hearts of hearts that this is not going to work then save yourself the time and the money. 

By any chance do you know why him and his ex-wife separated.

Wish you nothing but the BEST…GOOD LUCK

Post # 5
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

@FabFitFinds: I am sorry that I made you cry. I really do hope things get better for you, but you need to take the first step and stick to it. I speak from experience, so I can understand what you are going through. It is very hard, but you will be much better off for it.

Post # 6
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

WOW…honestly it sounds like your really upset. is it really that bad or is it just bad now because you are upset. From what I am reading he is mentally and emotionally abusing you (this is just my opinion).

 

Have you tried talking to him about counseling?? if you feel in your hearts of hearts that this is not going to work then save yourself the time and the money. 

By any chance do you know why him and his ex-wife separated.

Wish you nothing but the BEST…GOOD LUCK

Post # 9
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Wow…some of the parts of your post sound like things about my Fiance that drive me crazy, such as him being a bit OCD about things and cleanliness but it’s more of a joke between us and our house definitely does not look super clean most of the time. 

He just got a “new” car (new to him, a 2006) that isn’t a “luxury” car but you’d think it was from the way he takes care of it and worries about it!  He asked if he could take my car today to somewhere he needed to go because he didn’t want to have to valet park it (he doesn’t trust parking garage valets) and always has to park it in “safe locations” next to nice cars.  And I have to drive us most places still because he worries about his car. 

So just to let you know that you aren’t alone on those things, which are SUPER annoying to me but something I can laugh about. 

What I can’t laugh about from your post is the way you said you’ve given up all of your friends for him….I know from experience that friendships change and you might not see friends as often as you’d like, but to “give up” friends for your SO is just WRONG and it’s a way of isolating you so that no one else in your life can point out to your what is going on.  Also, the fact that you wouldn’t be allowed to have your little nieces and nephews over to what is supposed to be your future home is ridiculous!  Is keeping a nice house more important than having fun with your family? 

I agree with the other posters that I think you need to leave this relationship.  Trust me, you don’t want to marry him (you said you wanted to leave so many times?) and things will only get worse if you do.  I think you deserve better and I’m so glad I didn’t settle in the past for others I thought were “the one” for me. 

I think the fact that he has an ex-wife is telling, not saying that it is true for everyone that has been previously married, but usually when one asks someone why their last serious relationship ended, most people blame it on the other person they broke up with.  Most people aren’t going to want to admit the “hard truths” about themselves that potentially led to the end of the marriage/relationship, it’s a lot easier to say, well it was all HER fault! 

I really hope you find the strength to leave and do what is best for YOURSELF because there is definitely someone successful and attractive out there for you, and at least you have the confidence to know that you could go out and get it!  Good luck!!! 

Post # 10
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Run.

take some time to yourself to recover from walking on egg shells for 8 months and I don’t know how many years of dating.

Then carefully pursue what every human being deserves. Im sure you will find A sensible family man who loves kids, pets, and living life!

I feel terrible for your fiance as well, I’m sure he is living in a personal hell of phobias and disease.

Im so sorry this is happening to you but Im so grateful that you are figuring this out now!

Praying for you both!

Post # 12
Member
7296 posts
Busy Beekeeper

i agree with PPs that he sounds very controlling and emotionally/verbally abusive.  one thing stuck out to me because it reminded me so much of my ex.  my ex and i would fight and he would swaer and call me names. when we were not fighting i would tell him that i hate fighting like that and we have to never swear or call each other names. he knew how i felt about it.  well after 3 years, then 6 month break up, then back together again – everything was good. he finally stopped all his mean behaviors. until we went on vacation and got into a bad fight over something stupid. i remember very clearly him looking me at straight in the eye and calling me a name (c*nt)  that he knew i hated more than anything, and he did it because he knew i hated it more than anything.  that was my moment.  after that i knew i had to leave and never go back. it was over.

you sound like there are a ton of things that make you unhappy. and perhaps you are like me and just waiting for him to do something really big and bad so you have a good excuse to leave.  well let me tell you that you dont need to wait for that. just leave now if you can, the sooner the better – more time to spend without him bringing you down.

Post # 13
Member
7296 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Sometime, I wonder if his ex-wife went thru what I am experiencing now.

i just read this part now. again it reminds me sooo much of my ex. he had another long term girlfriend before me. when i met him, he told me all these stories about how she was crazy and it caused them to have horrible fights. then after 4 years, i finally realized, i dont think she was crazy, i think he made her crazy just like he made me crazy. i am willing to bet that she was a  nice normal person!

Post # 15
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

 

@FabFitFinds:

Honestly, I have been through something so similar 6 years ago. RUN, get away and don’t look back. You deserve so much better than this. I left the guy and now I’ve found the person I’m going to spend my life with. You deserve someone that will treat you with respect, help you grow, WANT to be around your family..

People will forget about the called off wedding but if you go through with it, it will stay with you forever. 

I would just move on if I were you.

Good luck 🙁

The topic ‘Most days I want to call off the whole wedding ordeal’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors