(Closed) Most Difficult Decision You’ve Had to Make as A Couple?

posted 12 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

oh my goodness, I have the exact situation as aloweha, I live in the States, my fiance lives in England, we met two years ago in Times square on his last day of travelling, we’ve been seeing each other every two to 3 months and now finalized we want to get married this year. It’s been a challenge because of where to settle down, US or England or another country? he loves the beach and hates NYC, on top of that I need to keep my job as a doctor, I can go anywhere he wants so long as I stay a doctor, he can come here so long as its bright and sunny beach weather. I finally got my paperwork I  submitted it took me 7 months to get everything from every single old boss, no easy feat if you worked in over 20 hospitals. On top of that I am turning 39 and really need to start having kids or I will have more and more difficulty plus it takes 3 to 6 months to petition. I have lived in NYC for 4 years and its wearing me down especially after we vacationed in Antigua I can see his point about a sunny lifestyle, I am ok with moving, I have lived in two countries before (US and Philippines), He said at the most he live in the US 2 years in NYC he is really not into the urban lifestyle, if he told me two years ago uit would not have worked , but I think I have done everything I wanted in NYC and I can move on.

 So now we are deciding, NYC or Liverpool or Florida where its bright I can still be in the same country, he can have the beachlife. we are thinking of getting married September, he petitions me I move there and work part time in the meantime so we can see each other, every month instead of every 2 to 3 months. I can get any type of job til my papers for a doctor get processed because its taking too long.

 On top of that we are both Catholic and need a pre-cana 6 weeks before, no small feat when you live in two countries, plus we have to register 6 months before and it’s now 5 months before our set date.

 On top of that my parish church I had my heart set on is painted til September 12 and we want to get marred as early as September, I cant do last two weekends because I have to arrange my schedule around my colleagues who are all Jewish and wont let me take time off for their holidays.

 Many challenges. Funny thing is we found each other and we are in love and made it work despite two years of being apart, and we both know we want to be with each other but there are all these obstacles keeping us from being with each other.

Post # 18
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Our biggest decision was where to buy a house.  We work in different counties (in So Cal) and our condo was 5 minutes from his work and almost an hour from my work. We finally decided to move to Corona, which now puts him about 35 minutes from work and me about 45 minutes from work.  It is also right between our two families.  What made this decision even harder was his family.  They did not like us moving further away from them (and closer to my parents) and acutally offered us $30K in an interest free loan to stay in Orange County.  Luckily my husband knew this would upset me and let his parents know that we wanted to do this on our own and that we would buy in an area that was best for both of us.  So we did, we have been in our new home in Corona for 1 month now and we love it!  My parents are happy  because now I’m 45 minutes away instead of 1 1/2 hours away, and his parents seem to understand that they are now also 45 minutes away, so all is fair.

Next decision — kids… It think I’m going off BC next month…

Post # 19
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2020

Having our daughter was the biggest so far and probably will be the biggest ever. But, we’re also in the process of deciding where/when to buy a vacation home and deciding if I should start my own business. Yay!

Post # 20
1091 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2020 - Oakland Manor

You could just paraphrase aloweha’s response for us.  Except we’re moving to the US first so that I can get more work experience. Deciding which country has been so incredibly tough and our families/friends have almost made it seem like one side is winning and one side is losing. arg. 🙁

Post # 21
2022 posts
Buzzing bee

My Fi’s career/location decisions.  He’s a physician and last year applied to residency programs (which last 5 years).  You sort of have very little control over where you end up and need to strategically rank your programs.  There were certain programs that he really liked but that would have been hard for me to move to (ie, a potential move from Boston to the middle of nowhere midwest….) I basically had to be prepared to move cities, leave my friends, and take another state bar exam (the exam that allows you to practice as an attorney).  We got through it by communication and trying to be openminded and considerate of each others feelings.  It all worked out because we stayed in Boston, but it was a rough few months!

Post # 22
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Wait until marriage for sex!

Though, he might not agree that it is the most difficult decision. I think it is.


Post # 23
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

@MissAsB – you should prepare to hear "You ain’t from around here are ya?" a few times a week.  🙂  I grew up there and apparently lost my accent so even I get that question when I’m home!

Our toughest decision has been in regards to parental care.  My Future Mother-In-Law has a form of dementia and now requires nursing care.  I can relate to the SITC episodes with Miranda taking care of Steve’s mom.  We as a couple have had to really sit down and talk through where the lines are with caring for our aging parents.  At what point care facilities are a requirement, and where those facilities need to be (we live in a different state from our parents).  It’s been hard, but thankfully we are on the same page which will make things alot easier in the future.

Post # 24
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Ours was a move as well. FH couldn’t find a decent job in MI after graduation, I hated my job, and we were both willing to relocate, so he expanded his job search. After offers in Cali, AZ, St. Louis and FL, we decided the job/area was best in FL. Now after being in Central FL for about a year and half.. we hate it. For those that love living in Central FL – I just don’t get it. We hate it and can’t wait to move, and hopefully that move will be back to MI or somewhere else in the Mid-West.

Post # 25
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

deciding where to have the wedding (2 options: here where we live OR in my hometown… after much discussion, we decided the last) and waiting until marriage to have sex…

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