(Closed) Most meaningful and memorable gift?

posted 7 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m a little confused – do you mean she didn’t consult you about the date? The location? The price? What does the blank line stand for?

It’s very kind of you to want to do something meaningful, even though it sounds like you’re also feeling a little left out. Weddings are tough that way.

Post # 5
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think you just need to ask them what they want- money or a gift or to pay for a part of the wedding.

Traditionally the groom’s family pays for the rehearsal dinner, not the brides.

DH’s parents were pretty passive about what they would pay for, etc. We didn’t find out until after the wedding what amount of money they gave us. A lot of stress and hassle would have been avoided if they just would have told us how much and what they’re paying for.

My parents just gave us a flat amount and told us to do whatever we wanted with it (and we liked that a lot).

Can you help split with the bride’s mom? My friends who recently got married had 4 sets of parents (both parents were divorced and remarried) and each set of parents paid 1/4.

Post # 6
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m not going to lie… we didn’t consult anyone on our wedding date. It was SO difficult to get a date at our venue that we jumped at the first one we could get (the only date they had in 2 years). What is more important to your husband than his daughter’s wedding? I think my parents would have missed anything to be at my wedding.

Post # 7
4824 posts
Honey bee

The only person I consulted with was my husband on the date. It turned out it kind of worked for a lot of people, but not others because there are a lot of educators in the family so school vacations fell around our wedding date.

As for wanting to be a bit more involved, your husband should talk to his daughter and   tell her that you both would like to be involved somehow. Can you plan a rehearsal dinner? Or maybe a morning after breakfast for immediate family. 

It sounds like she is being careful to maintain control of her wedding so I would be careful about offering unsolicited advice- even if its with the best of intentions.


Post # 8
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I didn’t consult my parents about my wedding date, either. There were only two dates available at our venue, and one was my fiance’s birthday, which was a no go. 

It seems that you want to contribute, but you want to contribute to something specific and special, something that they can remember came specifically from you, rather than just “My dad & step mom gave us $X, and it got used for something wedding related”. Have you offered to throw the rehearsal dinner specifically? I think that would be a nice, generous contribution. Do they already have their hearts set on a rehearsal dinner location? If not, you could search around and find somewhere within your budget, and say “We’d love to host a rehearsal dinner for you at XYZ, would that be something you’d like? If so, please send along your guest list and we will make all the arrangements for you so that you can focus your energy on planning the wedding! Love, bestforlast and Mr.bestforlast”. 

If you think they already have a rehearsal dinner plan in mind, you could also host a morning after the wedding brunch for Out of Town guests. I would do the same thing as above, find a place, offer to host, and ask for a guest list from the bride.

You could also offer to arrange a nice hotel & room service for them after the wedding. Or a limo if they haven’t arranged one yet for the wedding day? Or, if they’re using a travel agent, perhaps contact the agent and see if you can’t pay for some upgrades/excursions for their honeymoon? 

Just make an offer and be specific about what you’d like to contribute and how. I’m sure they’ll appreciate your generosity.

Post # 9
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@bestforlast:  Just tangential to you question about a meaningful present (I’ll get there), I wanted to ask if perhaps your stepdaughter doesn’t have the best relationship with her dad? You don’t have to answer, but I’ll just share my experience, and it can be food for thought. Darling Husband didn’t have the best relationship with his dad, but they’ve been working on it over the years (now they’re friends and things are really good). When it came to the wedding, it brought up a lot of bad memories for him, and I think in some ways he was jealous of my family and our close relationships. It was hard for him and as a result, he really didn’t want to involve his dad much in the planning process. So maybe just be sensitive if there are any underlying issues in the relationship, and just be as supportive as you can.

That being said, we really didn’t ask any of our parents what they thought of the date, we just told them and that was that. It was far enough off that they were all fine with it.

Back to your question, my Father-In-Law and his wife ended up getting us an awesome present. They talked to the resort we were staying at and booked us a spa day, and a really romantic dinner afterwards. They sent greeting cards down that we opened (one at breakfast and one at dinner) that gave us clues about the day, along with a couple of photos from the wedding. They put a lot of thought and care into it, and it was SO sweet. It was our favourite day of the honeymoon, and one we’ll never forget. We were both SO surprised and thrilled with it, it was really above and beyond.

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