Post # 1
Oh dear, I guess my etiquette questions have been building up! I have another one; sorry to ask so many questions.
My FI and I have a bit of a quandary about kids in our wedding. We’re getting married in spring 2015, so we have a while to figure this out, but I’d love to have some clarity on the kids at the wedding question. . . .
So, the situation is this: we generally don’t want kids at the wedding, with a couple of exceptions, which is why this is tricky.
My FI has a niece and a nephew (twins) who will have just turned 6 when we get married. We want them to be in the wedding; they are wonderful and generally pretty sensible kids, so I think having them in the wedding will go fine, particularly once they are a bit older.
Also, we have friends who will be coming all the way from Japan, to the northeastern USA, for our wedding (my FI’s lifelong best friend and his family). They have 2 kids, who will be 13 and 9 (I think) when our wedding happens. I think these kids can be counted on to be decent also, and since the family will have come SO far for our wedding and their relatives who live here will also be guests, we don’t feel we can leave them out.
What would you do? Is this just an impossible situation? How could this be handled to try and prevent lots of people getting offended? We really really don’t want young children (under 6), and I especially do not want one of my cousins’ kids there, because that kid so far is quite unpleasant and has not been taught good social skills, and he and his mother (my cousin) have caused trouble at other large family events before. . . but I can’t not invite just one cousin. . . .Blargh! Help!
Post # 3
I’m sort of in the same situation as you.
We don’t really want kids there, simply because we’d like the adults to have a great night without the kids.
However.. there will be 2 kids invited.. one will be my flowergirl, and the other is my younger cousin whom I see ALL the time.
I’m basically going to find a job for him to do [maybe ring security? or usher?], so hopefully nobody puts up any flack about inviting him.
Do you have any small jobs you can have your friends kids do? Like a here comes the bride sign.. ushers.., ect?
Post # 4
I had a similar situation. I had a couple from Sweden and the couple they were staying with who were invited plus a cousin who was able to make it because it was during a move for them from Alaska to Texas. We didn’t want kids but allowed 6 for those situations. No one mentioned or even commented on it what-so-ever. Just invite those limited kids and don’t think anything about it. Doubt anyone will even notice.
Post # 5
Honestly, I wouldn’t worry about it in your case. Wedding party kids are expected to be in attendence, so nobody should give you any problems on that front, and your friends are coming from Japan. Clearly leaving the kids would not be as easy. If anybody has a hard time with it, they need to check their additudes because that’s a really special situation.
Now, the question I do have is, do either of you have other neices and nephews who will not be in attendance? I’m a firm believer in the tier rule, meaning that all people of a certain relation should be included if any of them are.
Post # 6
@SarahTee: No, we don’t have any other neices and/or nephews. I also firmly believe in the relationship-tier thing you mentioned, which is why I have to invite my cousin (mother of the terribly bratty child) even though I really dislike her.
Post # 7
@Creiddylad: I had no kids except my flower girl. I feel like it is a really good exception if they are in the family. As far as the other two kids, so they probably won’t stand out like a 2 year old running around so many guests might to even think twice about it. But honestly it is your wedding and its your rules. Having no other kids at my wedding is something we enjoyed very much and we didn’t get any grief from anyone!
Post # 8
Are you sure the couple from Japan wants to bring their children? That’s two extra flights to pay for, so maybe they won’t want to?
Post # 9
Well the twins are easy, just say we’re having them because they are in the wedding. The other two… maybe they could hand out programs so they too will “be in the wedding”?
Post # 10
@MoonlitMagnolia: I’m pretty sure the couple from Japan will want to bring their kids; when they come here, they usually stay for a couple weeks and enjoy being here, since they lived here for several years and have family in the area.
@HisIrishPrincess: That is a good idea. I’ll keep that in mind. 🙂