Post # 1
So about 3 years ago my sister got married. I was her Maid/Matron of Honor and it was a very stressful time. I was going through a divorce and trying to help her with her wedding. I did everything I could to be supportive including helping to pay for things (she is my younger sister). During that time my SIL and I got very close she helped me organize a lot of things and was very supportive. My sister never really thanked me for anything I did and her thank you card was a generic thanks for the gift. I was a little disappointed but I knew she had a lot of responses to do.
Anyway fast forward I met a wonderful man and we got engaged Nov 09 we are planning our wedding for July this year and I am super excited. I asked my SIL to be my Maid/Matron of Honor and she is super excited. She has been great and doing above and beyond in my opinion.
My problem is my mom and sister they got very close and seem to be really mad at me and my FH. They have not wanted to be involved. I have asked numerous times and they always say no. They always have some excuse as to why they can’t be there. I know I am being a little over emotional but I am just so hurt that they are being like that. That they don’t seem to care. I just don’t know what to do so I stop caring about them. So I can just move on and be happy for me and my FH.
Post # 3
I’m sorry your mom and sister are acting that way. Are they mad at you because you asked your SIL to be your MOH? Maybe you could try to sit down and talk to them about it. They might not be aware of how much you’d really like for them to be involved.
Post # 4
I did find out that they are mad that my sister isn’t in the wedding. But I have asked her to be a part of the wedding she just doesn’t like what I’ve asked her take part in. I get the feeling that she feels as if she is entitled to get the Maid/Matron of Honor position even though she is very selfish.
I had first asked if she would be the person to marry us. She immediately said no to that. Then I asked if her and her husband would be our host couple. I had come up with a neat idea for thank yous. Initially she said yes but then after a month she said no.
I presumed that she didn’t want to be involved but I figured I would offer another time. My Fiance wnated a small wedding so we are only having a Maid/Matron of Honor and best man. So I invited my close friends and mothers to join us to get manicures and pedicures and then get our hair done together. She gave me a lame excuse that she doesn’t have any money but I heard from someone else that she is so mad that she didn’t get the position she wanted she doesn’t want to spend any time with us. I asked her if she just wanted to be there and she won’t talk to me now.
I am really hurt but I now feel much better about my decision. One thing I have learned about being a Maid/Matron of Honor is it is about the bride not yourself. And as I can see from my sister’s responses it was not about what I wanted.
Post # 5
I guess for now try to keep as much peace as possible and let it go because you dont want to risk her not even showing up at the wedding like my sister has decided to do. She actually dropped out of my wedding through email and now has decided not to go for no reason at all. Some people just want to pull crap like this to ruin your day, dont let it, keep strong
Post # 6
I am really sorry to hear about your sister. That is really sad. She dropped out of the wedding through email? That is pretty low.
Thank you for your kind words. I will do my best to be strong but it does hurt right now. I am really thankful that I do have a lot of wonderful friends that have been very supportive with everything no matter what their role in the wedding is.
Post # 7
Wow, I am so sorry that you have to deal with this type of behavior. Not only from your sister, but your mother taking sides. I know that it hurts you, but you are doing the right thing by not letting them ruin your day. I am dealing with a similar problem, my sister who I am very close with, up until 2 weeks ago has completely changed into someone I don’t even know. She is a year and a half younger than me and has always tried to out shine me in her life, career, financially, and has also tried to give me life advice as if she was the big sister. I have experienced way more in my life as I am the oldest of 5, and I have lived on my own since I was 17, so things haven’t always been easy for me. But I never expected her to act this way, she is not even trying to be involved in my planning. I asked her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor and she said yes, but after a month or so, she started being really negative, talking behind my back to my BMs, and trying to compete with me and my Fiance (inviting family and friends to her house to have dinner) with some guy that she has only been with for 2 months, but now living together, and she calls him her hubby… I have just decided to silently demote her (if she even wants to be involved) and if she doesn’t come around or call me, I will just send her a R.S..P. just like the other guest, and continue on with my wedding without her. One thing I promised myself is “As long as my FH is standing at the alter, I don’t care who else is there.” I’m marrying him, not my family, not his family, just him. Good luck to you, and Ihope you and your FH enjoy your special day- Minus the drama, and anyone who is not showering you both with support, and love.
Post # 8
I’m really sorry that you have to deal with their childish behavior. It’s your wedding and whatever decision you make should be respected. However, I can definitely see why she would be really hurt. If my sister chose her SIL over me I would definitely be hurt. I understand why you did completely and I do think you made the right choice, but I’m just trying to see it from her point of view too. I would’ve probably had her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man and just had an uneven bridal party so that way she could at least be part of the wedding party. Aside from understanding her being upset though, she definitely doesn’t have any right to treat you the way that she is. I’d be bummed if I wasn’t picked for my sisters Maid/Matron of Honor, BUT, I would never treat her the way your sister is treating you and I really think you should try to sit down with her and tell her exactly why you made the decision you did and that it was never done to hurt her.
As for your Mom, She has absolutely no reason to behave that way and honestly should be embarassed. She’s acting like she’s in highschool and picking sides and being completely immature. I would talk to her and your sister seperately and confront her about how her actions are hurting you.
I really hope things get better for you and hopefully they can both grow up soon!
Post # 9
Thank you for all your kind words. Summerlove22 I understand why she is upset. But I appreciate the insight. I probably could’ve had her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man but after the last email I received from her I am very grateful that I didn’t go that route. I am not completely certain she would be happy with anything at this point. I did try to explain myself to her but she just got more upset and said some very hurtful things. Now my wedding is less than 40 days away and she still hasn’t RSVPd and refuses to talk to me. It’s just unfortunate that she going to miss so many wonderful things, like our neice getting her nails done at the nail salon for the first time or our neice getting her hair done at the salon for the first time. She is so excited I really can’t wait to see her reaction to everything.
As for my mom she has pulled an even lower low and I didn’t even realize that was possible at this point. She has been asking me when I need help and I have mentioned more than once it would be the month prior to the wedding. Well at the beginning of the month her and my dad have decided to take a month long vacation that starts next week. They will return the week of the wedding. I’m a little hurt but not overly surprised anymore.
Again thank you for your responses. And to mrsbrown2be I hope that things really calm down for you. It sounds like you have a very level head on your shoulders. I wish you all the luck!