(Closed) Mother and Step Mother names, how to put?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2652 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

@Miss_Mango:  Is your father still involved? Who is paying? If you father and mother are paying (separately) but you still want to include stepmom, that is the premise I have operated under. Because that could change how to write things. I don’t have photos for you, as I don’t have step-parents, but here is my idea:

 

Fatherfisrtname lastname, Stepmotherfirstname lastname, and Mother firstname lastname 

 

invite you to the wedding of their daughter

 

Yourfirstname lastname

 

to

 

Groomfirstname lastname,

 

(son of (his parents)),

On day the date of month, year.

 

Yadda yadda

 

 

 

If your dad and stepmom are paying but you still want to include your mom:

 

Fatherfisrtname lastname and Stepmotherfirstname lastname

 

invite you to the wedding of

 

Yourfirstname lastname,

 

daughter of fatherfirstname lastname and mother firstnamelastname

 

to

 

Groomfirstname lastname,

 

(son of (his parents))

On day the date of month, year.

 

 With more details I could give you a better description

Post # 4
Member
1696 posts
Bumble bee

@Miss_Mango:  Hello, Miss Mango! Welcome to the Weddingbee!

Etiquette refers not just to good manners, which is how you treat other people; but also to good aesthetics; which is how you present your arrangements for other people’s perceptions. Good aesthetics are grounded on the principle that “form follows function”. The function of your invitation is to state:

  • WHO is the hostess,
  • WHOM she is inviting,
  • to WHAT,
  • WHEN, and
  • WHERE.

The hostess is not just the person who is paying, but the person who has responsibility for the safety, comfort and entertainment of all her guests; and who therefore has the final say in all decisions — which very often, but not always, comes with holding the purse-strings. Proper traditional etiquette wisely rules there should really be just one hostess, since there can only be one person who has the “final” say. All the other ladies will be “guests of honour”. And no proper lady; indeed no person of any sort with any modesty; ever, ever gives a party in honour of herself!

“What” the event is, must communicate not only that it is a wedding, but whose wedding, and what the style of the wedding is: religious or secular; formal or informal. What people mistakenly think of as “wedding invitation style” is really merely formal invitation style, used for all manner of formal parties — and proper only if the party is truly formal. If your wedding is informal or casual, you should use informal invitation wording.

Usually nowadays, the bride herself is the hostess, and most weddings nowadays are somewhat informal. The most proper informal invitation is hand-written in the form of a letter:

Dear Auntie Medea and Uncle Donald,

Gerhard and I will be getting married on Saturday the eighth of September, and hope that you will be able to come, and to bring little Hypatia. The wedding will be at the Hotel Frontenac, with a light lunch following a short ceremony at one o’clock. I am so pleased that not only Mother, but also Dad and Jocasta, will be there to greet everyone. Please let me know if you can come.

love,
Mango

A proper formal invitation is either engraved or hand-written in black ink on white or cream paper, and refers to both the host(s) and the gues(s) in third person using their social titles. Only the surname is used (or for sons and younger daughters, only the first name) unless there is a chance of ambiguity. So…:

Miss Mango Longoria
requests the pleasure of the company of*

(blank line to write in guest(s)’ names, for example “Mr and Mrs Farmer”)
to her wedding toMr Gerhard Amazing
on Saturday the eighth of September
at one o’clock
at Hotel Frontenac
with a light lunch to follow

and then in the lower right,
In honour of
Mrs Smythe Longoria
Mr and Mrs George Longoria

* or for a church ceremony, the honour of the presence of, or less correctly the pleasure of your company or the honour of your presence without the write-in line. If you skip the write-in line, you must use double envelopes, so that the names of “inviting whom” may be written on the inner envelope.

Numerous variations on both the above might be written depending on what names the ladies go by and what titles they prefer, along with the details of formality, secularity and hosting previously mentioned. Modern styles usually combine the formal and informal styles (often with unfortunate aesthetic and practical results) in an attempt to hit some intermediate level of formality and personal style.

Post # 6
Member
2652 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

@Miss_Mango:  Since we have different cultures, I’m not sure if I can advise you as to what is the best way for your culture. I say, write it down a bunch of different ways and choose what you like the best. For example:

 

Miss Mango and Mr. Mango (your fiance)

request the honor of your presence at their wedding

Five o’clock

Sunday, September the Eighth, Two Thousand Thirteen

Carnegie Hall, New York City

In honor of 

Your Mom, Your dad, and Stepmom,

and 

His Mom and his dad

Post # 7
Member
1696 posts
Bumble bee

@Miss_Mango:  The classic wedding invitation wording to the effect that “so-and-so requests the pleasure” comes from standard western etiquette. Various subcultures make variations on that standard wording; but markedly different cultures have their own traditions in their own languages. In the latter case you will have to say what culture it is, for any of us to be able to help.

The name at the top of the standard wording is not about who is paying. Social propriety prevents polite people from advertising their financial arrangements. The hostess is the lady under whose auspices the party takes place, and who is therefore responsible for the safety, comfort and entertainment of all the guests. In this case like appears that the hosts will be your fiancés parents. So in that case you might use;

Mr and Mrs Dad Amazing

request the pleasure of the company of

Mr and Mrs Guest

to the marriage of

Miss Mango Longoria

daughter of Mrs Smythe Langoria and

Mr and Mrs Yourdad Longoria

with their son

Gerhard Middlename

on Saturday the eighth of September at on o’clock

at the Hotel Frontenac

 

Post # 8
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Lol, I am a bit of an Etiquette Snob around these Boards, so I may as well chip in too…

First, I am sorry, still not 100% clear on the marital status of all the players involved here… but one of the traditional formal formats would be:

Parents – Request to the Event – Names of the Honoured – Details

So…

Mr. and Mrs. Mommy Surname*

Mr. and Mrs. Daddy Surname**

request the honour of your presence

at the marriage of

Lucious Mango

to

Handsome Mangoman

on Saturday, the eighth of September

two thousand and thirteen

at four o’clock

Belle Haven Club

Greenwich,Connecticut

* Mother of the Bride, is always listed first.  And IF Mommy has remarried she’d be addressed here by most formal Married Title (ie Mr. & Mrs. David Love)… if she had not remarried, she would be listed as Ms. Firstname Lastname or alternatively as Mrs. Firstname Lastname (the choice is hers to make… Ms. or Mrs.)

** As Daddy has remarried, then he and his new wife (Stepmom) takes on the most formal Married Title of Mr. & Mrs. HisFirstName Surname (ie Mr. & Mrs. Bob Jones)

So if your Mom hasn’t remarried, and has not reverted to her Maiden Name is quite possible that the Invite will be issued by Ms. OR Mrs. Jane Jones (first line) and then Mr. and Mrs. Bob Jones (second line)

If you wish to incorporate the names of your Future Inlaws into the mix, and they aren’t paying / not the Hosts… then you could add their names below that of the Groom (ie.  Son of Mr. and Mrs. DaddysFirstname Mangoman).

OR if they are hosting (have money in the mix) then you would move them up to be listed directly below the line where your Dad is listed.

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 10
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Miss_Mango:  Honestly, ours read:

vorpalette

and 

Coach

along with their families,  invite you to

join them in celebrating the beginning

of their adventures together

[date], [time]

[place]

Fiance and I, as well as his parents are paying, but if anyone’s the host, it’s us. We’re planning this ourselves, so I guess that makes us the hosts? Not sure. I didn’t want anyone else’s names on the invitations, especially not my mother’s.

Post # 11
Member
2652 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

@Miss_Mango:  That sounds like a ice solution that will keep the invitation from looking too cluttered. I would ask your parents how they feel about it first, just to be safe 🙂

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