(Closed) Mother being judged for only having one child? Article inside

posted 6 years ago in Parenting
Post # 17
Member
1401 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Call me a CRAZY only child but I WANT TO TAKE CARE OF MY MOTHER when she needs me later on in life.

Will it be tough?  at times very difficult?  will I get frustrated and scared?  YES but I want to do it. 

My mom has 7 siblings and guess who is doing 90% of the work when it comes to taking care of my grandparents?  SHE IS.   She might as well be an only child.

Post # 18
Member
3765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@MrsTVLover:  sorry to hear that 🙁 My Grandmother’s care fell pretty heavily on me since I moved back home after college and hadn’t gotten a job. My mom was working full time and yeah, it’s tough that I didn’t have an Aunt or Uncle to help, too, but we managed. Hopefully my kid will too. We have a toughness gene in us, haha.

Post # 19
Member
1846 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I have one child (an almost 8 year old boy), and my husband and I get this A LOT. Even more so now that we just got married this year, it’s almost like people have a new license to begin asking these questions again that had mostly died down over the last several years. 

Truth is, we tried to have more kids, but weren’t successfull. I had multiple miscarriages, and finally decided I didn’t want to go through fertility treatments, so one kid was what we got. We were just as happy either way. 

We are trying to adopt, but that’s a long process and who knows if it’ll work out, but again.. If it does GREAT, if not.. I’m more then happy to be a mother of 1. My son is everything I want/need. 

 

Post # 20
Member
498 posts
Helper bee

People will always have something to say. And yes, no matter how many children you have someone will say something to you about it- no matter what. You just have to do what works best for you.

Post # 21
Member
4495 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@MrsTVLover:  I semi agree with you on that only because I wouldn’t want to stress out my one kid by putting so much on responsibilility on them. However just because you have multiple children doesn’t mean that they would all care for you. My mother has 5 brothers and only speaks to one of them. When their mother became terminally it was my mother doing all the work and taking care of her – no one else could help (they lived on the other side of the country) or wanted to help. I know plenty of people with siblings that just stuck their parents in a nursing home at the first sign of health issues. Having multiple children doesn’t necessarily mean you’d be any better taken care of than if you had one, and it doesn’t mean that one of the children still wouldn’t take all the burden upon themselves. It really depends on each individual child and what they are willing/able to do for their parents.

Post # 22
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@MrsTVLover:  To play Devil’s Advocate, just because you have more than one child doesn’t mean they’ll all be there to care for you in your old age. For example, my grandmother really only had her oldest child to care for her. Her middle child moved away to another state and aside from a phone call every few months, is not supportive. Her youngest cut off all ties with mom more than two decades ago. I know this is not very common, but I did think this was noteworthy.

I would be fine with having one child as I was an only child. Darling Husband has two other siblings and while they’re great in their own way, I sometimes think it’s a lot of work having to deal with the drama and baggage they bring. For example, if they do something stupid, it impacts the whole family.

Post # 23
Member
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Ughh how annoying. People need to mind their own damn business!

Post # 24
Member
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@skippydarling:  I’m with you. I have a brother, but know that taking care of my parents will fall on me and I’m totally ok with that.

Post # 25
Member
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@TattedNYBride:  I agree 100% that people should…in theory have things in order to be able to provide for themselves and not burden their kids. Yes some people dont have the means to to that of course….but for example…I’m fine with having one child, and I dont plan on having more then one simply because when I get old I am going to expect them to take care of me and theres more to spread around?? what kind of thinking is that?

Right now my Darling Husband and I are trying our best to make sure that when the time comes for retirement we have enough money and resources that we will not be putting that on anyone. I dont think making sure you have enough kids so you/or they have someone to pay the way at some point in time is a good reason to have more then you want/need.

 

Post # 26
Member
9681 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@TattedNYBride:  I’d rather someone have one child who they support on their own and treat well than someone have 6 kids that I support through my taxes.

Post # 27
Member
3209 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@skippydarling:  you raise a very good point. How many elderly people have lots of children who are ALL involved in their care? I bet it’s very few.

I have siblings and I’m glad they exist and whatnot, but I don’t see the big deal of being an only child. Many of my friends are only children and they’re well adjusted good people. People have strong opinions about the most trivial things.

Post # 28
Member
1306 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@MrsTVLover:  Having more children doesn’t necessarily result in having more people around to help care for you. Some or all of your children could move far away, or they could stop speaking to you or their siblings, making them unavailable to help out.

You could also look at it as leaving all your stuff to one person instead of splitting t up between them when you die.

I have one child. I don’t care how many anyone else has. The only time it bothers me is when people have too many and they can not care for them. If you can not care for the children you have, you sould not keep on having more!

Post # 29
Member
9445 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I saw this article earlier and thought to myself “is this really news?” but apparently it is, lol. I don’t see anything wrong with having one child, and have definitely considered it myself. Having a sibling doesn’t automatically make them your best friend or something, my brother is six years younger than myself and we’re probably no closer than most cousins are.

Post # 30
Member
697 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I am an only child and so very proud of it. After seeing some of the bullshit drama online and IRL, I am so blessed to not have siblings. In-laws are enough.

ETA: Regarding the caregiving of elderly parents–often, it’s all saddled on one child anyway. The others usually end up being nowhere to be found when it comes time for the hard parts. 

 

Post # 31
Member
7977 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

Oh, come on. No kids and you’re a hairy legged pseudo lesbian who puts her career first. One child and you’re selfish. You want it all at the cost of your child’s well being. Two children… you better hope they’re different genders, or people will go on and on about balancing your family and experiencing raising girls and boys. Three or more kids, and you’re some sort of religious wierdo who doesn’t believe in birth control.

Women just can’t ******* win.

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