(Closed) Mother Dilemma

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 2
583 posts
Busy bee

Honestly, I would not involve her; it sounds like you’re thinking of involving her more out of guilt (which is an understandable feeling but not one I think you need to have given the situation) and obligation, and mostly out of mourning the mother you never had nor will have. I would try to see a therapist before the wedding if you possibly can just to get a quick reality check because you seem to have your head on straight with cutting out your family, but are experiencing an understandable moment of weakness. Seeing your parents for the people they really are and cutting them out is one of the most difficult things a person can do but it can be very, very necessary. I don’t know if you ever read Dear Prudence on Slate, but she frequently gets letters from people in similar situations and advises similar to what I have. Just because they’re family does not mean they have to be in your life.

Post # 3
766 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
vlzaccaria:  I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. Based on what you have said, and given how close the wedding is, I would not involve her.  I completely understand wanting that mother daughter relationship, but unfortunately people do not change for weddings (and sometimes weddings make people act even worse).  I think you would just find yourself disappointed that she did not become the mom you wanted her to be for the wedding.  If you check out A Practical Wedding, they talk about this kind of thing a lot; you may find some useful posts there.

Post # 4
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

View original reply
LaurenKK:  +1.

I would not involve her either. It sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. I can appreciate you want that fairly tale mother/dauhter relationship, but not a lot of people have that. You’re about to start a new life with your Fiance and his family and you can in clear conscious leave your old life behind. It’s not healthy to have that kind of resentment and negativity.

I feel like if you did find some way to involve her you would regret it. You’ve done your part trying to reach out, if she wants to be involved she’ll make the effort. But without counselling and AA that seems doubtful. 🙁

I’m sorry!

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