Mother Disapproves of Future Husband Because He's Catholic

posted 6 months ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 1995

Gosh. I have noticed there are so many controversial threads on WB lately that are started by OPs posting their very first post. 

Post # 3
Member
3731 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

What is her beef with Catholics? Would she be as equally offended if he were Methodist or any other branch of Christianity? 

Post # 4
Member
7814 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I’m sorry, that’s a tough spot to be in. I can relate…my parents are hardcore Christian and really struggled (my mom in particular) when I first started dating my Jewish husband. I’ve now been married for two years and, though my parents eventually came around and threw us a beautiful wedding, there is still tension over the religion issue, but it is what it is. I’m extremely close to my family, so their disapproval created a ton of stress for me, but ultimately I kinda had to throw my arms up in the air and accept that it was not my responsibility to obtain their approval.

 I want her support and love, but I can’t seem to make her understand that my boyfriend IS the one for me and I know what I am doing.

You may never succeed in making her understand this – but what you need to accept is that that is okay. It’s okay if she disapproves; you’re an adult and you get to decide for yourself who to marry. I imagine that once you and your bf get engaged your mom will eventually come around; right now she still thinks she can control the situation so that’s what she’s trying to do.

 

Post # 5
Member
7814 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

FutureMrsBex : Unfortunately, there is a lot of prejudice in the Baptist community about other sects of Christianity, especially non-Protestant sects. I was raised Eastern Orthodox Christian (similar to Catholicism) and went to a Baptist middle school – I legit had people tell me I was pagan and going to hell on a routine basis. 

Post # 6
Member
930 posts
Busy bee

My parents are extremely catholic, and my SO is non-religious. I too am not non religious. And they were adamant that I find a catholic man. It just wasnt a principle of mine. Now, they have come around to being open, even though my dad will be a deacon in the church this year…he seems to be pretty content with the man I am choosing to marry soon one day. 

I hope your mom comes around,a nd if she doesnt, she’ll have to find a way to live with it. It’s the truth of thee matter. Whether she’s happy about it or not. 

Post # 6
Member
930 posts
Busy bee

My parents are extremely catholic, and my SO is non-religious. I too am not non religious. And they were adamant that I find a catholic man. It just wasnt a principle of mine. Now, they have come around to being open, even though my dad will be a deacon in the church this year…he seems to be pretty content with the man I am choosing to marry soon one day. 

I hope your mom comes around,a nd if she doesnt, she’ll have to find a way to live with it. It’s the truth of thee matter. Whether she’s happy about it or not. 

Post # 8
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

ccr77 :  Who you choose love and who you marry are 100% under your control.  As an adult you will make decisions that your parents don’t agree with.  Its human nature…Your mom isn’t perfect but she sounds pretty rigid.  Unless you are seriously gonna allow her approval to take the lead in your decision making (unlike an adult) then you pretty much let mom have at it with her disapproval….she’ll just have to get over it.  Its your life to lead as you see fit, not hers and you simply need to tell her that and be done with it. 

And if she doesn’t get over it, won’t that be sad that she chooses to miss out on her daughter’s life….maybe even the grandbabies if you decide to have them….simply because your mate is a different religion from hers…

Post # 9
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

ccr77 :  You handle it by making it clear to your mother where things stand, tell her what won’t be tollerated and the consequences for her actions if she continues her current behavior. Id say wait to do this until you get engaged and then put your foot down.

” Mom, ____ is who I am choosing to marry. Your constant comments and behavior regarding my boyfriend is not acceptable to me. You will keep your comments and opinion to yourself from now on. If you do continue to be disrespectul to me or my boyfriend we will see you a lot less. If the disrespecful behavior continues you will not be in our lives and will not be a part of your future grandchildren’s lives. It is your choice. Any comments that are inappropriate will result in me hanigng up the phone, or leaving the room. That will then be followed up with me taking a break from speaking to you. “

If your mom has emotional oubursts when you tell her to stop, or stand up for yourself you say this, 

” You sound upset, Ill get in contact with you after youve had a chance to get control of yourself” THen hang up. Adult tantrums should not be rewarded. 

You basically tell your mom that you have made your choice, that you are not accepting bad treatment of your boyfriend anymore and that there will be real consequences with her being inappropriate and rude to him and you. Once you lay it out clearly for her you then enforce it. On the phone she makes unkind comments about him? you say, ” Mom this topic is not up for discussion.” If she continues? “This topic is not up for discussion, i am going to hang up now”. She is rude to your boyfriend in person? You leave.  ” Your rudness is not acceptable, we will try to visit again when you can figure out how to be respectful.” 

If your mom is at all a normal human being who really does love you, she will react at first to your boundaries but then accept them. If she has underlying control issues and narciccistic tendencies than you probably are going to have to make peace with the fact that your relationship with her isn’t ever really going to be that close. But what you can’t do, is let your mom’s behavior ruin your future marriage and family. Do not marry your boyfriend if you aren’t sure you can stand up to your mother and say no to her. Because your boyfriend deserves a wife that has his back and stands up to toxic behavior. 

Post # 15
Member
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

ccr77 :  if he’s the man for you then they’ll have to get over it. Simple as that. When my husband and I got engaged my Mother-In-Law asked my mom “so are you ok with this?!” I’m Catholic and my husband is Jewish and his mom thought that the religious difference must bother my family since it bothered her. She was 100% wrong and actually offended my mother who was thrilled because she knows we’re a great couple and that we love each other.

I don’t care if people if people try to cushion it by calling it “traditional” or “old school” or whatever – your parents are being bigots and need to be called on it. 

 

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