Post # 1
this is a tough subject for me to even open up about, but i am at a loss for what i need to do. all throughout high school, i had speculations about my mom being really bad on pills. my suspicions were later confirmed when she stole some of my pain medicine i was prescribed after a surgery and a couple of friends had seen her at a well known drug addicts house. for the longest time, i just ignored it because i hoped it wasn’t true. eventually, i confronted her about it. she tried denying it at first but after I presented her with solid proof, she admitted it to me. supposedly she wasn’t doing anything at the time and said she was clean now, that it was all in the past. fast forward to a few years later, and i talked to one of her friends. she told me she was concerned about my mom because she clearly had a problem, and preceded to tell me some things i didn’t already know. i confronted my mom once again, and she denied it. her friend told me where she hid her pills, so i decided to look and see if her friend was telling the truth, and i did find pills. im so stuck about what I should do. i don’t want to end up seeing something bad happen to my mom because of her addiction, and her friend told me that she’s supposedly done even worse things. not only that, i feel like it isn’t fair to my dad for her to be doing those things behind his back. he is an amazing man. i know i would be hurt if someone knew those things about my husband and didn’t tell me. but at the same time, i don’t want to betray my mom. because I honestly don’t know what would happen to their relationship if he found out. i just don’t know what to do. advice anyone?
Post # 2
I would tell your dad, honestly. Her health is more important than her feeling betrayed, in my opinion.
Post # 3
I would tell your dad and it will probably be time to stage an intervention with your mother. It’s not fair to either one of you and by just standing by, everyone is enabling her because nobody has held her accountable or told her their feelings about her drug use. Please take care of yourself and your father.
Post # 4
My mom is an alcoholic, and though she’s been clean since I was 6, so obviously I didn’t understand what was going on at the time, I think the most important thing in helping her to choose recovery (because it won’t stick if it’s forced), was support from my dad. She hid it from him at the beginning of their marriage, but they worked through it, and are still happily married.
I think you need to tell your mom how concerned about her you are, and tell her she needs to tell your dad about it. Saying shes clean or will quit on her own isn’t enough, she needs to go to Narcotics Anonymous or Rehab or something. If she doesn’t tell your dad herself, you will.
Going into recovery may lead to marital problems, but the damage is done by the addiction, and better it ends her marriage than her life. And it could also make their marriage stronger than ever. And maybe he already knows.
Good luck ❤️
Post # 5
definitely tell her to tell your dad or you will have to tell your dad. & organize to get her some help if she is willing. do your research of rehab facilities/help resources & meetings nearby & put together a plan of what to do next if she is willing to get help for herself, but please dont just push it off! Its very scary stuff. I dont wanna scare you but my brothers gf’s mom just died because she sucummed to her pill addiction. catch it while you can! so many hugs to you!
Post # 6
Please talk to your dad about it. I’m sorry you’re going through this. You might want to think about attending Al Anon, which helps family members understand that they are not alone.
Post # 7
I’m not at all trying to be confrontational, and I promise that this is a genuine question: Is it really possible that your father doesn’t already know? I mean, if you suspected something in high school, and if her friend(s) know, how can he not know? Perhaps he does know and has decided to ignore it / pretend it’s not happening? Perhaps he does know and has privately talked to / confronted her about it?
Post # 8
I would suggest you tell your father, but dont be surprised if he already knows. Sometimes spouses do know and they choose to ignore it so they dont have to deal with the uncomfortable fall out. They may feel they are somehow responsible for it. Perhaps he has already talked to her about it and she has told him its none of his business, and there is the distinct possibility that he really is oblivious, in which case there are even greater issues.
There are resources you can gain access to. Narcotics Anonymous is for friends and family members of drug addicts. Also if you are religious there are numerous church organizations that offer support for adult children of addicts.
My thoughts are with you through this difficult time.
Post # 9
I was gonna suggest this too. Perhaps your dad already knows and they have some sort of “understanding.” I don’t see how your mom could be on drugs and your dad wouldn’t notice.
But yeah, I’d bring it up to dad.
Post # 10
- Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess
Yes, speak to your dad so you guys can speak to her as a family. This is serious as your mom could die from this. Good luck please keep us updated.
Post # 11
I wanted to echo the Narcotics Anonymous suggestion. They have resources for how families can deal when other family members are struggling with addiction and can help you intervene. Would also be a good resource for her if she accepts she has a problem. Best of luck, bee.
Post # 12
This sounds like an awful spot to be in. Your mother’s health definitely comes first, so if your father doesn’t know already, it’s important that either she tells him or you do. Best of luck to you and your family.
Post # 13
It isn’t like she is “doing drugs” recreationally, like smoking crack with her peeps, right? Did her pill dependency arise out of pain management?
Put her into some serious treatment. A bunch of friends & family ambushing her in the living room, aka an intervention, isn’t the way to go if she is still managing pain. She needs medical treatment, aka rehab.
Post # 14
bee, I’m so sorry about UR mom and what UR going through.. I understand what it’s like to have a mother with an addiction issue.. UR father probably already knows but is maybe in denial. I agree it would be best though to get everything out on the table so that maybe UR mom can agree to get help, u may have to show her tough love and a strong United front with UR dad to even make her consider it… Just like intervention, if the bottom is not there U have to bring the bottom to them.. I know how difficult this is though and if UR mother is as stubborn as mine, unfortunately this is could be a long road. I wish u all the best..
Post # 15
Betraying your mom would be to ignore this problem and not doing anything in your power to help her. That being said, you (or anyone else) don’t have much power to do anything about it besides your mother herself.
I would tell your dad (he may already know, you never know). Then I would try to talk them both maybe to start going into family counseling…hopefully with the end goal of making your mother realize she has a serious problem and accepting the help she needs at a proper rehab facility.