- 4 years ago
- Wedding: October 2014
I now regret doing the right thing and telling my family the official date, thanks to my mother. Before she responded negatively to the dress I ordered in September but it seemed to be because it blindsided her, I showed her the wedding ring I bought in December and she again acted negatively… both times I told her it’d be a 2014 wedding.
Not that long ago she even gave me $500 which was supposedly for the wedding but I am starting to think that she thought I needed money or something and disguised it as “wedding help” since she doesn’t accept the wedding. If she truly meant it for the wedding she wouldn’t be acting like this.
So I had given my sister the official news of the date and asked her to be my MOH, which she was shockingly surprised and happy about – after it settled in she wouldn’t leave me alone! So when my mother came home from her walk I figure the best way to tell her was to show her the STD card that had just got in – that is what started it all.
At first both my sister and I were smiling because she seemed to be taking it semi-well but then she started to get nasty. She was looking at the date and said “Where are you even having it, city hall?” as if to say it is going to be all we can afford… she then said “You should’ve waited until you graduated” which is this spring, “You should wait until you get a job” which again is this spring, we have savings for the wedding and the best “He should get a job, you can’t support him” which really just confused me because he supports himself just fine right now!
She then started on “Oh, I guess you are moving out soon then. Let me guess, your going to live in his tiny apartment.” For the record he has a bachelor sized apartment and we plan on getting a bigger place together this summer – she knew this… but continued on – “There isn’t any room for you down there. You can’t afford all of this” Again, she seems to think I am broke supporting FI when I have about $1000 sitting around collecting dust.
My favourite moment was when she said “Well when have you been planning all of this?” so I told her flat out that I was waiting until I could confirm the date availability with vendors before I told the date to anyone… but she still makes it sound like I was scheming behind her back.
Finally she came out and said without realizing “I don’t even like him” when she realized what she said she corrected herself with “Well I like him I just don’t want him for you.” which really stung. We’ve been together over 4 years and I have carefully thought if we are ready for this, I am positive that we are.
I am at a loss. I was so excited to tell her and share it with her and she tore me down in a matter of minutes. I don’t even want to talk to FI about this tonight because I don’t want to repeat the words of “I just don’t want him for you” to him because he thought they were on good terms and it’ll hurt him. He’ll also be furious that she implied he isn’t working and that I’d be supporting him.
She also keeps on saying “one more year would be better” but I told her that if I announced this next year she would have a bunch of reasons why we should wait another year – it can’t be put off forever. As well that if he apparently wasn’t good enough for me that she’d never approve of a wedding date!
I don’t even know how to deal with her. I am heading back to FI’s for the night but will need to deal with my mother tomorrow afternoon. I am ready to break down and cry because this was supposed to be a happy day and I thought she’d at least be excited that we had a date finalized… but now I’ll come back tomorrow to only have her try and talk me out of the wedding completely.