Post # 1
Good Afternoon All,
Long story short: My mom is upset that her brothers and sisters (as well as their adult children) are not invited to our wedding. She’s had it out for me for over a year, making our wedding planning stressful, and unhappy. I’m at the point that I just want it to be over.
Anywho. Onto the issue. Today, she called me to tell me she had picked up XYZ – items I had not asked her to pick up. She commented that she got 70 favor boxes. I asked why so many and she said, “well isn’t that how many we will need?”
My mother is WELL aware, that even with the vendors, that there will only be 56 people who require a favor. Her reasoning to have so many boxes is that we need to send a favor along with a cupcake – which is what we are serving in place of wedding cake – to each of her brothers and sisters, and her great aunts.
Normally I would just roll my eyes, vent to my Fiance and say fuck it. BUT the favors (chocolate truffles) are a gift to us from a work friend of mine. She’s an older lady who said she really wanted to this for us.
I feel so uncomfortable asking her to make more truffles just because my mom has decided that her brothers and sisters and great aunts need a token from a wedding they will not be attending.
Am I wrong to think this is effed up? I am going to see her tomorrow and want to be able to talk to her about this in a way that won’t instantly set her off.
Post # 3
That’s annoying. Though I can’t imagine not inviting Aunts and Uncles to the wedding. But every family is different I guess. I know mine is far from perfect.
Anyway, honestly, if they are decently close, I might ask the friend if she wouldn’t mind making a few more. Tell her to be honest with you. If she does mind, just tell your mother that she’s only making enough for the guests.
Post # 4
I think it’s a bit insulting to send a favor to a non-invited guest I imagine some of them are already offended that they are not invited, and to send them a token from a day they missed out on is like an additional slap in the face. Your mom is so upset that they aren’t invited, that she thinks this is a last ditch nice gesture, when really I don’t think it could be any more of the opposite.
Post # 5
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Tell her that if she wants to do that on her own then fine but the lady making the truffles is doing it as a favor and cannot make more than 56 so your mom will need to figure something else out for the extras. On a side note, I would be weirded out to get a favor from a wedding I wasn’t invited to and didn’t attend.
Post # 6
@Bubbles42: I am not even remotely close to my aunts or uncles. I see them maybe once every 2 years. On top of this, budget restraints have limited our wedding to our immediate family and closest friends only.
@jny1179: I agree 100% with this. No one has expressed any upset over not being invited, but they could simply be hiding their displeasure. Either way, this seems insulting to me as well.
@beachbride1216: I think that would be the safest route to go. I just can’t ask this work friend to do more than what she offered. I would feel like we were taking advantage of her kindness.
My DoC asked me if perhaps there’s some tradition in our family where favors are sent to family members who don’t attend / aren’t invited to the wedding. It’s something I’ll look into but I can’t honestly see that being a valid reason for doing this. I think my mom is just being a jerk. lol.
Thank you so much for taking the time to respond 🙂
Post # 8
It sounds like your mom is overstepping, which must be so annoying. Like PP, I would be really weirded out to receive a take-home from a wedding I didn’t attend. Personally, I wouldn’t encourage her to find a way to get the extra truffles – this is just going to create an awkward situation. I think you need to be firm on this one, OP – no send-homes for non-invitees.
Post # 9
poor etiquette to give a favor to someone who isn’t invited. I personally would be more offended by that than not getting invited