Post # 1
I have been dating my beau for a while now. We talk lightly about getting engaged but nothing serious, as I still have one year left of my undergraduate degree. We would like to move in with each other next year, sometime around Fall 2014. Again, no pressure, we are looking forward to our future together but we do not feel pressured or like we NEED to be making these changes right away.
Here’s where it gets sticky for me – I hope to go to law school once I am done my degree. This means another 3 years of school plus 1 year as an articling student. My mother’s side of the family does not approve of us getting engaged or getting married at all until I have a steady job as a lawyer. I can see where she is coming from, but waiting another 4 years and then some? My beau and I already know this will not be in the cards for us. I’ve been living on my own for the past 3 years while in university, pay for my own rent, work 2 jobs to support myself through school, etc. Would it be terribly unreasonable for my beau and I to get engaged once I am done my undergraduate degree, before law school??
Post # 3
It’s all up to you! If you both feel its the right time to get married, then so be it! Dont let anyone tell you what YOU should do. This is about you, not them!
Post # 4
@southernbelle116: This is completely up to you. I was raised to whatever I wanted as long as I took the consequences and sometimes those were my parents not necessarily approving. My dh and i got engaged young (I was 20 he was 24) and my mother freaked out the first time I told her we were planning to get enaged because she wanted me to complete my masters and my PhD. I am currently doing my Masters and married. It didnt take long for my mom to realise that it was my decision and her only condition to giving her blessing was that I didn’t get married and drop my dreams and career. Have you made it clear you would still go to law school regardless? I can tell you though that I did an extra Honours last year and I found exams and tests to be harder to study for once married. I passed my course well though so harder not impossible although they might be worried about extra strain on you
Post # 5
@southernbelle116: You are a grown women working your way though school and even if soemoen else was paying your way our not a baby or a child being enegaged will not change your desire to go to law school will it?
I doubt it you likely are a driven women who has a very good head on her shoulders and deserves to make her own mind up about things she wants to do
they will get over it by the time you have the wedding … you will either be law school or done … get engaged be happy screw what other people thing you work hard you desrve to be happy and live your own life you are no 5 or 12 or 16 … if you are that far along in school your a women now and if they believe your smart enough to go to law school the should know your smart enough to make your own choices and make the right ones
Post # 6
”. I’ve been living on my own for the past 3 years while in university, pay for my own rent, work 2 jobs to support myself through school, etc”
In that case you can make your own decisions and can get engaged whenever you want!
Post # 7
Or what? What will she do that makes this an issue? You’re getting a degree, you’re living on your own, supporting yourself. Other than a mother’s disappointment, what can she do that’s stopping your engagement?
Post # 8
@southernbelle116: This is not 1813. You don’t need your mother’s permission to marry your boyfriend. You are not an old-timey Southern belle who has to rely on other people to make her decisons for you. You live in the 21st century where women get to make their own decisions about marriage without having to factor in their family’s opinions. Seriously, you are a grown woman, you have a job and an education and nobody can forbid you from getting married.
Post # 9
Someone told me this once and I’m not saying it’s an end all, be all statement for every situation, but…
“no one ever says they waited too long to get married, yet you hear people say often they got married too soon.”
side note: my brother just finished med school, and a lot of the kids in his class were married or engaged when they started… quite a few of them were not by the tme their three years were up…
Post # 10
- Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID
@southernbelle116: you’re a grown ass adult. It’s time for you to make your own decisions. It’s your life and your relationship, not your mothers.
Post # 11
@lizzypoo96: I’ve heard this too and I love it!
That said, OP- do what you want. Maybe get engaged whenever and married after law school.
Post # 12
@Ruby-Redshoes: + 1000
Your post, with respect, reads rather like a chapter from Gone With The Wind what with all these beaus and controlling parents. You are grown up, it is not the Victorian era and for sure, if you are bright enough to consider a career as a lawyer, I am sure you are quite capable of making your own decisions and making sensible ones too. Your parents will need to respect this. After all, if you are currently supporting yourself anyway, what do they plan to do? Throw you out, with threats to never darken their antebellum doorstep again in a dramatic disownment scene while Atlanta burns in the background?
Follow your own instincts and do what is best for you and your SO. Your parents need to step back and recognise that you are an adult now.
Post # 13
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
Depends. Is your Mother paying for your law school tuition? If you are letting her do that, then you are allowing her to influence your decisions. Money talks. But if you are truly self-sufficient, then it’s your call. Momma may “disapprove,” but she’ll just have to get over it.
Post # 14
You make your own decisions and take care of yourself. No one can forbid you from doing anything.
Post # 15
I think there would be a lot of sad, single law students if you couldn’t get married while getting your degree!
The fact is that you’re supporting yourself, and have been for years.
Just make sure getting married won’t negatively impact your financial aid! But feel free to move in together/get engaged!
Post # 16
@lizzypoo96: I know real people who said they waited too long to get married.
OP, I’m in PhD program and it’s very common that higher degree program students are already married or engaged. It bring difficulties but also it helps them too – emotional support in hard times etc. Your parents don’t know about your love and life better than you. If you’re on your own, it’s all your decision.