Post # 1
So my fiance and I are having a very small wedding. (60 people) we have a very small budget ( fiance is currently back in school and we are making do with one modest income) The venue fits just that and we are paying for the wedding. We are having a hard time with the wedding invite list and now the mother in law has texted me and not her son asking for plus ones for her daughter and her. Context. Both of them are single and not dating any one at the moment. The wedding is 6 months away so they’d have to meet someone serious enough.. like now. And the wedding will be a bit of a distance ( 10 hr drive or 1 hr flight) . We have people we love and can’t invite, no one else is getting plus ones because we know well the people they’re with, but do we just leave empty space for plus ones that may manifest? And if they do bring a date to a wedding how do we tell them we dont want them in photos well have for the rest of our lives if we dont know them?
Post # 2
Honestly, I’d just give them them the plus ones. Immediate family are often VIPs, and I;d want them to be happy. Especially if they’re travelling overnight or flying. And for the single sibling of the groom, it would be really nice to be able to bring a date if just to ward off pointed comments from aunts and cousins.
Post # 3
Even with a wedding of that size you likely won’t really notice two extra people, I had a little bit bigger wedding and I didn’t even say hi to everyone (sadly)
since they’re family members and the wedding is far I would try to be accommodating if you can, but I’d also have your fiancé deal with this. His mother, he can talk to her. I would be kind of annoyed that she came to me, like she thinks putting me in an awkward spot will force me to say yes…
Post # 4
I would speak with Fiance about it and get his take. I don’t think you should plan to keep spots open (and pay for plates) for people they do not even know yet, for a wedding where you have had to leave off certain people you would love to invite. Don’t plan, in advance, to pay for plates for strangers when your wedding is small to stay within budget. Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law can go to one event (that isn’t even about them) and not have dates.
Post # 5
dedo87 : Just tell them plus ones are for serious relationships and that you really cant afford this exception. If for some reason you allow them in the wedding then just straight up say no to them being in pictures. I’ve had to sit and watch as my now fiance got pictures taken at his cousin’s wedding. I survived.
Post # 6
I don’t think they need plus 1s. I only invited plus 1s if I either knew them reasonably well OR if the invited guest didn’t know any of the other guests.
Post # 7
Thanks for the advice bees
She’s just been making a lot of comments about the size of the wedding and the guests invited/ not invited etc. I can’t but help get the feeling she wants it to be bigger and to bring her family together. But we can’t afford it and she’s not paying anything so these situations are adding up. We’re already over with obligation invites and like 4 friends each
Post # 8
- Wedding: July 2021 - British Columbia, Canada
I would straight up (either together with or just have your fiancé) tell her that there is no room in your budget for this, but if she feels that her daughter/herself will be in a serious enough relationship in 6 months that it will truly impact their enjoyment of their son’s/brother’s wedding day to not have a date there with them, then the only way to make it happen is that they can pay for the extra guests themselves.
Post # 9
Hmmm. On one hand, you shouldn’t have to pay for people that don’t exist yet. But I’m in a similar position with my sister…. she tends to get in and out of very serious relationships very quickly (think 4 relationships in a year, planning engagements and weddings for all). At first I didn’t want to give her a plus one unless she was engaged because I’m have <25 people. But it’s worth it to me just to give her the spot, just so everyone is happy. I just don’t want the plus ones for my sister, FI’s sister, etc in all the photos. I would say that although they shouldn’t be asking (because hey, rude) I think you might want to consider these spots as part of inviting these people. If you truly can’t afford it or this is one of many requests (which is what it sounds like), then tell her that you and your Fiance will talk and have him call her. He should tell her that she’s made a lot of requests and there is no way that she can expect to be accommodated for all of them because you have a limited budget. He should suggest that she gets one VIP request and only one. Like the equivalent of telling a toddler you can wear the red shirt or the green shirt… give her the choice and if she doesn’t like it, then she gets neither.
Post # 10
dedo87 : no pay, no say.
I don’t know. If these people weren’t immediate family it would be easy to say nope but as family it may be a case of anything for an easy life.
What is it about mothers and wedding sizes? My godmother flat out said our wedding was “better” than HER OWN DAUGHTERS because she wasn’t allowed to invite HER friends. Like… what?!?!
Post # 11
Let your fiancé respond to her request and say no. He can just tell her that it doesn’t fit into your budget. Let him handle his parents/ family and their request. You handle those that come from your family.
Post # 12
I would have fiance tell her that it’s really out of your budget and see if she offers to pay. If she says she will, I would give in but only if she actually offers without you asking… I say this because maybe she feels she needs a supporting person there at such a romantic setting and if it is important then she would pay to bring someone BUT if she doesn’t offer or will fight you guys on this topic then it would seem it’s not actually important to her but just to make a point or something.