(Closed) Mother In Law and Cheap Engagement Ring

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

As you gave him time to save up money to get you something that would last a little longer and instead of doing any research himself, he pawned it off on his mom… wow. That just says to me that he isn’t really into it. I would have a serious talk about how you wanted something a little more lasting and this isn’t going to last past a couple of years before it dulls–that you would like a better quality ring, even if it’s not a perfect large diamond.

Post # 4
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I’d be more concerned about his lack of interest and the obvious mis-communication, as well as his apparent attachment to the apron strings, than I would about the ring.

The two of you need to be able to communicate and respect each others’ wishes (without MIL’s input) if you’re going to be happily married.

Post # 5
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I actually don’t think you’re being selfish.  I think your Fiance should have gone out and chosen a ring that he thought you’d like.  There should of been no involvement with your Future Mother-In-Law, in my opinion.  Its nice if they’re close and he wants to involve her somewhat, but to ask her to pick out a ring is taking away the importance of the ring itself.  Like you said, you don’t want something big or expensive, but it should be coming from him!  I think you need to tell him he’s got to go out and try again.  Give him some time, this process may be overwhelming for him.  My Fiance isn’t good with big purchases, he said he was a wreck when he bought mine!

Post # 6
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Grab that man and take him to the jewelry store! You two need to go together if he won’t do it himself. Boys hate shopping, don’t be disappointed, but be proactive!

Post # 7
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I’d be pissed too! I would say that you were hoping for something that would be more lasting than a cubic z, and more meaningful b/c he picked it for you.  Then I would suggest that you two could go shopping together… I know you wanted *him* to pick something, but clearly something about this ring-shopping thing is too much for him. Maybe some guidance from you will be helpful.

Post # 8
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I agree 100% with *Daydreamwanderer*!!! I think there are bigger issues here than a ring…  What has he said about it since.  Has he apologized and acknowledged that what he did was completely wrong and, frankly, cowardly?  Is he going to let his mommy handle ALL his big responsibilities throughout your marriage?  And why doesn’t he care enough to go out and make an important decision that will begin his future with his new wife???? 
Although it seems to be about the ring on the face of it….I think this divulges more about him as a person….

Post # 9
Member
1813 posts
Buzzing bee

honestly, you have a right to be concerned!  the issue isn’t really the ring, it’s more of the mommy issue…and trust me, you see so many mommy issues on these boards, it’s best to nip it in the bud before the planning/marriage gets any further!

Once he gets your POV, just go to the store together with a budget in mind, and then try to let it be in the past.  For many men, shopping is overwhelming, including my Darling Husband.  Once I’ve gone to the store a few times with my man, he knows my general taste, and even shocked me with some sapphire and diamond earrings for Christmas!

Post # 10
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

i dont think you are shallow at all!  i would be furious about him not caring enough to pick out the ring himself.  and strange that his mother didnt tell him that!  i dont know, i feel really bad for you but maybe this is a blessing in disguise.  he should be excited abt getting you a ring regardless of what it looks like-just for the pure meaning behind it.  especially since you weren’t pressuring him to do it!  🙁

Post # 11
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I would be flying off the handle.

You don’t send your mommy to find your engagement ring and then not ask any freakin’ questions about it! He didn’t even see it?! Lame-o! 

I’d be more pissed about the fact that he just didn’t do anything about it for 3 months and then had his mom go do it. What, he couldn’t pop into a jewelry store on his own?

To me, that shows apathy. And the fact that he was defensive (am i right?) when you conftoned him about it? Definitely there are bigger issues.

 

Post # 12
Member
259 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Um… I’m an architect and money and job security are big issues for me right now.  Our profession has taken a huge hit in the states and no one feels like their job is safe.  Maybe he has a better situation in the UK, but it really bothers me when people assume that architects have it made.  Yeah, he should have picked it out himself, but he could be worrying about job stability right now and scared of making a big purchase when he needs to keep his savings up.

Post # 13
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

i dont think income is the issue here.  even at no income and no ring.  this is between you and him not you and his mother.  id be much happier with no ring at all than a ring he had nothing to do with-just asked his mom to pick up at the store. 

Post # 14
Member
1288 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union

The fact that he sent his mom out for the ring is the red flag for me. That’s way different than asking for an opinion or shopping with her. If he can’t be bothered to do this and has to enlist his mom, I’m worried.

 

Post # 15
Member
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

Actually, I have to ask… are you SURE that she picked out the ring? Maybe he did and said she did so he could have an excuse/not be embarassed? There are plenty of things to check into in this case, because it seems very strange!

Post # 16
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would have to agree with the majority of the group. The issue isnt if it was a CZ because he could have purchased that first to propose and then upgraded at a later date if he was concerned about his income. However the red flag to me was his mother picked out! OMG! I would be totally upset right now and all these questions would be running through my head. Did he just tell her go pick something out or did he give her a price range or did he leave it up to her to make all the decisions. I definitely would agree that you two should have a talk regarding how this has hurt you and tell him the price wasnt the issue, but that he didnt see it as special as you did and pick it out himself. BEST OF LUCK TO YOU!

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