- 5 years ago
So I have a good relationship with my SO’s mother. She lives about 2 hours away so we don’t see her that much. She was visiting this weekend and we were chatting in my bedroom while SO was in another room watching TV.
What she said floored me!!! Just to give you some background, she’s a little nutty, and always says really inappropriate things, she has no filter. She’s also divorced from SO’s dad.
So anyway she asks me have I noticed that SO is very moody lately, that he’s changed? That she’s concerned he’s very snappy with her. (He is snappy with her because she has no filter and says really inappropriate things, he loves his mom, but she drives him crazy)
And then she says “is he happy in this relationship?” I literally nearly dropped to the ground. Then she asked me “does he tell you he loves you” I got really upset at this stage, to think that his mom thinks I’m making her son miserable basically.
Since I’ve known my SO he has been a moody sort of a person, just that he can’t express his feelings well so shuts down. He’s a fantastic person but isn’t very emotionally well equipped! Also in the last year he’s been under more financial pressure renovating his house, his brother had a really bad few months with mental illness and his dad nearly passed away but thankfully pulled through. So it’s fair to say over the last year my SO has been under a lot of pressure and has a lot more responsibilities.
I told SO’s mom, that I hope it’s not our relationship and that he does have other stresses ie, the above. She tried to back track then when she saw me upset to say if I left in the morning SO would be devastated. Then she started talking about financial worry and there was one thing SO had told her he couldn’t afford but she couldn’t say what. So of course I think he asked her for help financially with the E-Ring costs.
I told SO all the above last night except the bit about him telling his mom there’s something he couldn’t afford, he assured me he is happy and that his mom drives him nuts which is why he comes off all moody.
I’m very very unsettled today, if SO’s mom sees a big change in her son and is linking it to me then I’d be devastated I don’t want to make anyone miserable. And it’s got me thinking all sorts of things, have I put too much pressure on him marriage wise? Is he not even happy in our relationship in the first place? As I said above my SO is very emotionally unavailable and ends up probably saying what I want to hear to avoid a big discussion. Maybe I’ve been so wrapped up in my own stresses, work family etc that we both haven’t been putting in enough effort. I’m also angry because shes probably seen us together about 10-15 times in the 3 years we’ve been together so I think it was very rude of her to make an assumption like that….and lastly I’m really sad, what if she is right what if SO isn’t happy 🙁