(Closed) Mother in law at anatomy scan?

posted 4 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 31
Member
8936 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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mazzoffee:  Some things just aren’t fair, by their very nature. The fact that he can’t get pregnant is the part that’s not fair. Who gets the short end of the stick — him or her — is up for debate. Regardless, saying “it’s his baby too” does not make it fair for him to decide who gets to watch his wife’s body be probed and scanned. He’s not going to go through all the changes and discomfort involved in a pregnancy. His body is not the one that will be permanently altered. He’s not going to have the humiliation of a half dozen interns sticking their hand up inside to check his dilation. He’s not the one who could actually die here. Granted he misses out on some wonderful things too, but that’s nature. If you’re that concerned with the unfairness of it, go into research medicine and figure out how to make it so men can get pregnant. There is no other way to make it fair and it’s ridiculous to say “he deposited sperm in the right place and right time, so until the baby is born, her body is half his.”

Post # 32
Member
551 posts
Busy bee

tell your husband your mom is coming to his next physical including an anal exam. It’s still intimate even though it’s over your belly. I assure you my mil never saw my naked belly as it’s private and this is a medical procedure and if you start being compromising now, it will get worse once the baby is here. Why is your husband more concerned with her feelings than yours? Sort this out now before the baby comes or it gets a lot worse. If he wants to share that moment with her so badly, tell him to go make a baby with her instead. I am always baffled by men putting their moms before their wives and thinking this kind of intrusion is ok…next he will tell her it’s ok to hold one of your legs while you push.

Post # 33
Member
603 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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nunyabeeswax:  When we went for the anatomy scan, I was only allowed to bring one other person in the room with me – I wasn’t in your situation but obviously every time it would be my husband if there was a choice to make.

I think it’s kind of awkward and pushy for her to put you in that position. Have you discussed this with your husband? I think he needs to be the one to handle it with her and let her know you BOTH aren’t comfortable with it, not that ‘YOU’ aren’t comfortable, because then that takes the blame off of him and puts it onto you.

I’m sorry you’re going through this stress in addition to the already stressful feeling of the anatomy scan, FX things are fine! 

Post # 34
Member
581 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’ve never been pregnant, but surely your uterus, your opinion applies?

Post # 35
Member
7171 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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jennmariee:  LOL..it’s so funny you say that because I’m totally opposite. I read most posts on the bee and think “holy shiz these people are going cray with their over-reactions!” hahaha. Most of the stuff I read I think people are making a mountain out of mole hill. 🙂

Seriously OP, at the end of the day you can make whatever decision you want. Like other people mentioned, the tech isn’t going to tell you anything serious and I’m sure if you make a private request the tech will likely bring you two back alone (making Mother-In-Law wait in the waiting room) and can bring her back for just the last few minutes to find out the sex. I can understand being ticked if he invited her into the delivery room without asking, but he probably doesn’t see this appointment as invasive. 

Post # 36
Member
960 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Historic Chapel

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nunyabeeswax:  I had my husband and mother in law in the room with me, I don’t think is a big deal.

Post # 37
Member
67 posts
Worker bee

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nunyabeeswax:  I would call the office that is doing the ultrasound and ask about the policy on bringing extra people; if they say just one (which is my office’s policy), then it’s a non-starter and you don’t need to justify it to either your Mother-In-Law or your husband.

If they are OK with bringing extra people, honestly, I’d just tell the white lie to your Mother-In-Law and say the office only allows one person.  It’s the best way to avoid hurt feelings, and I don’t see it causing issues down the road.  Of course, this means you’ll need to get your husband on board, but he is probably more concerned about hurting his mom’s feelings, so hopefully it won’t be a tough sell with the points you’ve already outlined.

Post # 38
Member
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Honestly, the anatomy scan is a little boring after the first couple of minutes. For a lot of it you have no idea, even when the tech points it out, what you’re looking at. I asked my mom if she wanted to come to ours, and she wasn’t able to, and I really don’t feel like she missed out. (We were team green, so we didn’t find out the gender.)

OP- I agree with the others- this is YOUR medical appointment, so you need to be comfortable. 

Post # 39
Member
9369 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i had my anatomy scan done at the hospital.  the room was small and there was only 1 chair for a visitor (my husband sat there).

i agree that this should be between you and your husband.

 

my mom has asked to come to ob appointments, especially if Darling Husband isn’t able to make it.  she works 10 minutes or less from my OB’s office. i’ve told her i would see.

my last appt at 22 weeks DH couldn’t make it and my mom asked why i didn’t ask her to come.  but she didn’t know until after. 

i again said this is something between Darling Husband and I .  you already went through this.  and I will have to see.  i’m not saying no, but i’m not saying yes.

 

Post # 40
Member
2121 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

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jennmariee:  Harsh. I don’t think anyone needs to be angry about it. Where would that get anybody? “Sorry honey, I just want it to be us” would suffice. 

Post # 41
Member
1551 posts
Bumble bee

I’m also not really a fan of leaving her in the waiting area, if (in the highly unlikely event) it’s bad news, I wouldn’t want someone else immediately in my face after the appointment. I get that she’s staying with you, but you could still find some time before going home to have some quiet time and process your feelings. 

Post # 42
Member
448 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

You have to put your foot down and do what you are comfortable with. I am confused why people would want a ton of people there. For my cousin’s gender reveal, they had both sets of parents, aunts, and the baby’s godparents. Too many people for me!

Post # 43
Member
2342 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I wouldn’t have wanted anyone but the baby’s father either. Your husband shouldn’t have assumed. Is she going to want to be at the delivery? 

It won’t do any harm to start gently setting some boundaries. 

Post # 44
Member
8742 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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nunyabeeswax:  While I understand this is her grandchild it is still YOUR medical appointment. Would you feel guilty if you didn’t want her at your colonoscopy? Of course not. Prenatal medical appointments shouldn’t be any different. Do not lie or make up an excuse, just tell her that you do not feel comfortable having more people than necessary at your medical appointment. If she’s as kind and reasonable as you expect she should understand. 

Post # 45
Member
9717 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

You shouldn’t need to have all these reasons to validate your feelings. It’s YOUR decision.

If your Darling Husband is so worried about upsetting his mom, just tell her they only allow one extra person.

I had a lot of ultrasounds later on due to being high risk so I did let both our moms come to one each, but it was just Darling Husband and I for the anatomy scan. I definitely would not have invited them if I only got the one scan!

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