OMG, YES, my Mother-In-Law changed once we got engaged. She used to be nice or so I thought. But once we got engaged, everything became this competition between her and her family and me and my family, which is so stupid because it certainly wasn’t that way for me. She made a lot of ignorant little comments, about my age (we were both 43, who cares?) and about how women over 40 should not have babies. This was insulting first of all because in essence she was saying that none of my nieces and nephews should exist, besides the fact that it was obvious that she did not want me carrying any grandchild of hers. She made comments about how she couldn’t afford another grandchild. Her grown granddaughter has a kid, and she made sure to tell her right in front of me how it was so much better that she have her children young…just endless comments like this. Then she moved on to something else petty. She had known that we would get engaged for months, knew who we were having in our wedding party, then the day that my husband called her to tell her that it was official, instead of congratulating him, she went on and on and ON about how we had to have his sister as a bridesmaid, and her husband as a groomsman. I got home and my husband was so mad, really upset. I did what I should not have done, I convinced him it would be ok to have his sister as a bridesmaid. I figured that I knew I’d let my bridesmaids pick out their own dresses and shoes and I’d ask nothing else of her so what was the big deal? Wrong. She was SO RUDE about everything, acted as if I had nerve even nicely telling her that we just had a color scheme but that she was free to go wherever she liked, and I trusted her judgment to pick out something appropriate and nice, I just wanted her to like the dress and feel comfortable. I talked to her maybe 5 times about wedding stuff, over the course of a year and 3 of those conversations were barely conversations, and every single time it was like I was bugging her. Um, ok, do you want to be in it or not? My Mother-In-Law complained about everything, had some comment about everything, as if everything I did or chose was the strangest thing ever. Believe me, there was nothing OTT about our wedding, it was nice but not fancy, and I went out of my way to be really nice, tolerant and gracious. I had vendors complimenting me on how nice I was to deal with – my other BMs also said the same. All my Mother-In-Law did was look for things to complain about. I gave her nothing to complain about and she still persisted. My wedding was completely fair and balanced, I did not AT ALL favor my family like she kept thinking I would. But what did she have to say about everything? She complained that there were more pictures of my family than of hers (a LIE), and she didn’t like the pictures. Um, you don’t have to like them, and sorry that my award-winning photographer that I paid my hard-earned money for does not live up to your standards, but it’s really not up to you, and besides, why did everything have to be perfect? It didn’t, of course, I really tried to explain to her that details are just a part of planning a nice event to share with people, but I wasn’t caught up in them because what was important to me was that I love and was going to marry her son. What MOG would not be touched by a future DIL saying that??? She said nothing, obviously unmoved. Normally she couldn’t shut up, but at that time she decides to say nothing? Very telling. Oh, and she also complained to me afterwards that they missed the cocktail hour because we were taking pictures. Um, no shit – the purpose of a cocktail hour is for GUESTS to be entertained while the bridal party and family gets pictures taken…who doesn’t know that? And even if she didn’t know that, that was the best she could do to find a complaint? I invited everyone she wanted invited, was extremely nice and gracious, and it was finally clear that she just wanted me to be this megabitch that I wasn’t going to be.
There is so much more to the story but you get the point. It would take way too long to get into everything, but after you add up all the “little” things that she did and said, or didn’t do and didn’t say, my heart still breaks over how hard I tried, only to get treated like I had done something terrible.
My advice to you is not make the mistake I made, do NOT be so nice. Then you will have memories of having shared your special time in your life with someone who did not deserve one minute of it. My Mother-In-Law and I still do not get along and have no relationship to speak of. My wedding? Was almost perfect, my husband loved it and still talks about what a great job I did, to this day. We are very happy, have a daughter and another child on the way. Isn’t that what the wedding was about, not what dresses people wore, or how long the pictures took or whatever else? I guess I was naive to think that a wedding was about two people getting married and the rest was just secondary. What makes it worth it to me is that my friends and family, plus our friends, really, REALLY liked it, and were and are happy for us, and most of all, the whole process brought my husband and I so much closer and reinforced how right it was and is for us to be together.