(Closed) Mother-in-law destroying our day! :(

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Call her mom’s bluff. Even with all her ranting and threats, I really doubt she’d miss her daughter’s wedding. If she does? Then she’s a piece of shit.

Just remain very calm in all your interactions with her and treat her as you would treat a crazy person. Keep repeating “thank you for your input, but we’ve decided what we want to do.”

Post # 4
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

She’ll post for the wedding.  It would look awkward for her if she didn’t. GOOD JOB on not taking the money from her.

Post # 5
Member
1074 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Agreed. Good job to both of you for standing up for your wedding.

This mother sounds very manipulative and overbearing. Your fiance is probably a girl who may want nothing more to please her mother. (I know this situation very well)

My mom would always have us sign contracts if she gave us money and would flash it in our faces if we went against our agreement. Is there a possibility that a written statement from her could appease both sides? It’s silly in a “I can’t believe it’s come to this” sort of way, but it works. That way, both sides have their opinions outlined clearly which means the lines are clearly drawn.

 

Post # 6
Member
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Dezi88:  Wow, this sounds a bit ridiculous. I’m sorry that you’re going through this. You should just do what you want and forget the mom. She will probably (hopefully) see the error of her ways before the wedding comes around. If not, that’s sad but you and your fiancé deserve to be happy!

Post # 9
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee

She is used to getting her own way because she has been so successful in throwing fits and intimidating people.  I was raised by an aunt who was exactly the same way.  No one came to my first wedding because she didn’t approve and if they crossed her, she would make their life Hell.

I’m a 3 time (so far) MOB.  CALL HER BLUFF.  Seriously.

If people don’t show you guys have still drawn a line in the sand and set boundaries for your marriage.  That was one of the best things I ever did.  Trust me, call her bluff and DO NOT back down.  It was the beginning of my aunt seeing she couldn’t run me like she tried to run everyone else.

 

Good luck to both of you, and great decision to not accept her money.

Post # 10
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

You are SO DOING THE RIGHT THING.  I understand your Fiance is terribly upset by this, but it is better in the long run.  Otherwise you are going to deal with this the rest of your life…house, kids, etc.  Setting boundaries now will be hard but immensely beneficial in the long run.

My grandmother pulled something like this with my mother when she was a newlywed.  After graduating from grad school my parents briefly moved in with my grandparents while looking for a house.  One day grandma said something so horrible and manipulative that when my grandparents were out for a walk my dad left work and secretly moved them out of the house.  They did not leave a note, no number, no new address.  They didn’t speak for 4 years.  This included the time my sister and I were born and my grandmother managed to get most of the extended family not to attend baby showers/namings/birthdays.  It was horrible, but also wonderful–my parents were freed from the manipulation and the meanness.  My sister and I never had to hear someone being so mean to my mother.  And when grandma did enter back into our lives she knew what the lines were she could not cross.  Honestly, we all benefited from that.  I hope your situation doesn’t get as bad as that, but even if it does, know that in the end it might be a blessing in disguise.

Post # 11
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@oneofthesethings:  +1

She won’t miss her own daughters wedding, and if she did just over a venue choice then she wasn’t a good mother to begin with.

Post # 12
Member
624 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Take whatever money you planned on spending on a wedding and Elope!  Tell her she doesnt have to worry about not coming because SHE is not invited.  Sounds immature maybe but it would eliminate any more threats.  Make it about you and your fiance and no one else, especially if you feel like this could make or break your relationship.

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