(Closed) mother-in-law favoritism (dh's brother and sil) rant

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Gee i could have written this. Just ignore it. Honestly.  If his brother is the golden child then there is nothing you can do. So just be happy in your own relationship and if you cant build the kind of relationships with your Mother-In-Law and SIL that you want you will just have to accept that. 

Post # 5
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

There’s always two sides to every story.  Your story sounds familiar except in our situation it’s very clear that my Mother-In-Law favors my Darling Husband and me over my BIL and his wife.  But that favoritism didn’t just grow out of thin air…it developed over time as a result of the actions and attitude towards her by BIL and his wife.  

I obviuosly don’t know the full story of your family dynamic but my suggestion would be to first try to figure out where this favoritism is stemming from and then address it directly with your Mother-In-Law, (together with your DH)

Post # 6
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Swizzle:  I agree with Swizzle. I’ve been married 35 years and it hasn’t changed 1 iota. (The MOB for 5/13). Hubby is the middle child, who lives the closest to Mother-In-Law and has always done the most. To hear her talk, it’s like she has 2 kids/4 grandkids instead of 3/6. That’s how much she brags and favors the other kids/families. I learned a long that she isn’t the type of toxic person whose opinions I should care about and wrote her out of my life 5 years ago. It waas a very healthy thing to do.

Post # 8
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2014

OMG I know exactly how you must feel! Although I am only engaged and not actually married, I have been with my FH long enough to make this claim. My FH still lives at home with his parents (and I live here part time as well, although this is a very new thing). Well Future Brother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law live further away and have a child. It just makes me sick how blantly obvious she makes it. I know it is not because she wants FH out of the house, in fact she prefers him to be here in order to control him. I have been with FH for 5 1/2 years and Future Brother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law haven’t been together much longer than that. Future Brother-In-Law is 5 years older than FH so he has been living else where for quite some time. She never shows the same curtosy to FH and I as she does to Future Brother-In-Law and his wife. It is like they can do no wrong and are perfect. It makes me so mad because she barely even knows FSIL! Don’t get me wrong, I actually like Future Sister-In-Law (because we share a common dislike, FMIL!) but I just don’t see why her and Future Brother-In-Law are so much more appealing and worthy of praise! It is like she doesn’t even care about all the good things we do, it is never good enough and not worthy of being proud. Every since our nephew was born, it has been even worse. Don’t get me wrong I love him to death but it is like that makes the gods because they have a child! Anyway, sorry to hijack your post but I just want you to know you are not alone 🙂

Post # 9
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

“MIL”? Your profile indicates you won’t be getting married until 2014? 

Post # 10
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2014

That’s why I said Future Mother-In-Law (Future Mother In Law)…who is basically already my Mother-In-Law, after 5 1/2 years with my FH.

Post # 11
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@alylwrig:  I was referring to the OP. She said “MIL” multiple times.

Post # 12
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@red_rose: Gotcha!

Post # 13
Member
1722 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I’m sorry 🙁 I’m on the other end of the boat because Fiance and I are his mom’s favorite.  I honestly don’t know why but I’ve been getting her to invite my Future Sister-In-Law to more of our outings to include her. It sucks that your SIL doesn’t do the same.  Maybe you could try taking her out for lunch one day and try to express that you would like a relationship with her, if she brings up SIL then talk about her for a few a minutes and then be like “O I almost forgot to tell you blah blah” Don’t avoid talking about SIL all together but try to keep the convo about you two and your relationship.

Post # 14
Member
1670 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I think that I am going to be the least favorite DIL, and I don’t feel too bad about it. In my mind, Future Mother-In-Law has two sons, and she’s totally going to like one of the girls better, and the other girl has been around longer AND is going to live right down the road. On the other hand, SO is moving to America to live with me. She’s so the favorite and I am ok with that.

There’s always a favorite. I’m going to try hard not to let it bother me. And maybe in the end the favor won’t be as disparate as it seems right now.

Post # 15
Member
3947 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Ugh.  I had a situation where my SIL approached me and was concerned about me being upset about not having as  good of a relationship with my Mother-In-Law and that it’s no reason for me to resent my SIL.

I was like…wait…what?  I never thought my relationship was worse/better than my SIL’s with my Mother-In-Law, but it made me really really self conscious and I have never forgetten it.

Post # 16
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

I can totally relate!  FBIL and Future Sister-In-Law are my FMIL’s favorite people in the world! My FI’s brother is their golden child and since Future Brother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law had a baby and moved out of state it’s even worse.  All she does is compare us to them.  She’s likes to tell me how Future Sister-In-Law did things for their wedding even though Future Sister-In-Law and I are the complete opposite and she knows this (i.e. Future Sister-In-Law is a DIYer and I’d rather hire someone to do it for me).  She even plans holidays around whether or not they’ll be there and what time works for them.  She never asks us how things are going and if she does she always finds a way to compare us to them or say something to make our accomplishments seem like they’re not special.

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