Post # 1
My, now, husband and I have gone through so many obstacles to get to our wedding day. We’re finally settling in to our lives together and have been going through our wedding gifts. First off, I’d like to say that despite his mother being a difficult person, in the 3 years that I dated her son, I have been nothing but respectful and generous towards her. I grew up in a very strict Asian home and I was always taught to be respectful to my elders. I would not do anything to embarrass my family. When I opened her gift to me. It was a set of earrings and a ring both set in diamonds. I knew that it wasn’t brand new but I was extremely grateful on first impression. I didn’t care whether the style suited me or not, it was a piece that I could pass down as heirloom. Mind you, my husband’s parents were once very wealthy. I assumed this set was carefully chosen from his mother’s extended collection – at least that’s what I wanted to believe.
When I took a closer look at the ring, the white gold had scratches and dents all over. It didn’t appear to be a piece that was carefully worn. As well, it looked dirty. The stones didn’t sparkle and there was gunk stuck in the setting and the prongs. I soaked the ring in some warm soapy water (learned on youtube) for about 20 mins, came back to see that there was stuff floating in the soapy water. Gross! I tried to clean it with a soft tooth brush and more gunk came out. When I finally dried the ring, I saw a huge crack in the middle of the centre emerald stone. I just felt my heart sink.
I don’t know what to think. I really didn’t mind that it was something that belonged to her. I thought it was special but I did question why she didn’t at least clean it before giving it to me as a gift. Now that I see what I see, I’m almost certain that she also knew that cleaning it would just expose the crack in the stone. I don’t know what to think of this. If it were up to me, I’d take the thing apart and reset the stones into a different piece. But, would that be rude? Would it put my husband in a difficult position?
Post # 2
Yes, it would be rude and yes it would put your husband in a difficult position. A gift is a gift and to openly imply it wasn’t good enough, well, I think you know quite well what the reaction to that would be.
She may not have known it was dirty , my mum never saw it in her rings I remember. And she may not have known about the crack. Emeralds are a fragile stone and can easily be damaged or cracked and worn down, I have a diamond and emerald antique ring with the emeralds worn smooth. If you mean an emerald cut diamond when when you said emerald, well that is the most fragile of diamond cuts
Anyway, frankly I’d hold off on attributing the worst motives to her and say thank you nicely, then keep them clean aond polished. Not eveyone gets given diamonds/emeralds and white gold presents – even if they are a bit battered by age and use – from their Mother-In-Law .
Post # 3
katekate1628 : I would just thank her and move on. Jewelry will scratch regardless of how careful you are. She probably wasn’t careful but you’re going to start more problems by saying something.
Post # 4
I would just put it in a drawer and give it to my daughter later- if she gives your daughter bad gifts this will be a good laugh together.
Post # 5
Just say thank you and put it in a draw.
Because saying something will cause friction all around.
Post # 6
Even if it is broken it could still be a significant family heirloom. I recommend moving on with gratitude and you can try to figure out the story behind it. If there’s no story or significance have it reset years down the line. I sincerely doubt that she intentionally gave you something worthless to send a message, or anything like that.
Post # 7
I would hold off on thinking the worst just yet. It may still be a family heirloom that she just kept as is. Sometimes people don’t even notice how gunky their rings are until they are cleaned. I wore a promise ring for over four years without ever taking it off and when I finally did I went ahead and cleaned it and it was like a whole new ring. I didn’t even notice the dirt that had slowly built up on it over time. Even with the cracked stone, that set may be of great sentimental importance to her.
I would just cherish the gift and put it away for safe keeping until you have a daughter / dil of your own to pass it on to.
Post # 8
Hmmm not knowing her and therefore can’t speak to her intentions.. but if it’s worn that much I would assume it’s something she really loved 🤷♀️Gross she didn’t clean it but maybe she was unaware?
Post # 9
katekate1628 : I think it’s more likely that because it was dirty she didn’t notice it was cracked, rather than she knew it was cracked so she let it get dirty. Most people don’t realize how filthy their jewelry gets. I knew a woman who wore a 3 ct diamond in each ear and they were so dirty that they didn’t even look real. Her rings were the same. This woman had flawless makeup and hair and high quality designer clothes and accessories, yet her jewelry was so dirty it looked like gaudy JTV crap. People just don’t notice, especially if she’s older and wore the piece for years.
I would not suggest taking it apart and resetting the stones. What if instead you just replace the cracked emerald? I would mention it to her (or maybe ask husband to), something like “We’re thinking of replacing the cracked stone so we don’t have to worry about losing part of it if it breaks completely. Would you be ok with that?”
Post # 10
I would ask for more information about the background of the jewelry and then decide down the line. If it is something of sentimental value, I would simply keep it and appreciate it. Maybe she’s waiting to see if you stick around before she starts passing her good jewelry on to you. Maybe she’s stingy and petty and gave you a junk set she didn’t care about or want anymore. You don’t know what’s going on but it’s in your best interest to assume good intentions unless you see a pattern of questionable behavior from her moving forward.
Post # 11
Stick it in a drawer and never mention it again.
Post # 12
I agree with PP that, unless she’s super into jewelry, she probably didn’t realize how much buildup would be on the pieces. Also, go with your first impression as to the meaning of the gift. If the pieces were so dirty from wear, they must have been really loved by someone. People don’t pass down their jewelry to someone they don’t like. After all, she could’ve sold them for the gold and kept the money for herself.
Are you sure it’s a crack and not an inclusion? Emeralds, by nature of the stone, usually have inclusions. Take it to a respectable jeweler (preferably one with experience with vintage/antique repairs) and get them to look at it. They should be able to offer advice about the durability of the stone and any available treatments.
Post # 13
katekate1628 : This isn’t your engagment ring. Don’t worry about it. Stick it in a box and move on.
Post # 14
katekate1628 : Many people never realize how dirty their jewelry is until they clean it. I second the opinion to have a jeweler look at it. It is an emerald, not “fashion” jewelry.
Post # 15
Jewelry can get scratched very easily from storing it next to other jewelry. If she had a lot of pieces, she probably had them all stored together in one box. That also could explain the crack in the emerald. And I’m shocked at how dirty my jewelry gets just from daily wear, and I clean my things fairly often.
It sounds like you may have had a difficult time when you were dating her son but I don’t think this gift was trying to say anything, like she didn’t like you. It’s still a generous gift. I would take the pieces to a jeweler and ask the best way to restore them, if possible. If you have no intention on wearing them, then just store them.
I wouldn’t say anything though.