(Closed) Mother-in-law has not given us a wedding gift

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Did she contribute to the wedding at all? Perhaps that was her gift to the two of you. It is somewhat strange that she didn’t even write you a card but I don’t really think there’s anything you can do.

Post # 5
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

What does your Fiance think? Is gift giving normal in his family?

Post # 6
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think I would ask him to ask about it if it isn’t typical. Some people think they ahve a year after the wedding (I think it’s really a year to send a thank you FOR a gift, but I’ve heard more than one person say that about giving).

Have there been any hard feelings on their part? Can they afford a gift? If neither of those scenerios is the problem, I think I’d ask your husband to ask them, just to make sur ean envelope did not get lost somewhere!

Post # 7
Member
457 posts
Helper bee

My Future Mother-In-Law didn’t give us a gift. She pitched a fit when my Fiance told her he was proposing so we didn’t get a congrats or anything. About 3 weeks after we got engaged, she sent a card, and she sent us uneaten muffins from her home…she shipped them to us…I think she did this because she saw on FB that my family had thrown us a little gathering, nothing big, just a dinner with my parents and stuff.

She came to my shower and handed me a box of choc and custome jewerly from her jewerly box, that’s all we have seen from her. She hasn’t contributed anything at all to the wedding. It upsets me a great deal, I don’t come from a family like that, when someone gets engaged we are happy and excited, we get gifts and cards, I just can’t imagine that her own son is getting married and she hasn’t helped us one bit with anything.

We own a home already, and we registered for major things that we still needed, a vaccum, pots and pans, stuff like that. She never once said to herself what can I get my son and his soon to be wife for their new home. I hate to see how she is when we have kids.

Post # 8
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

Neither of my parents has given us ANYTHING.  And we know not to expect anything in the future.  It’s a bad feeling knowing that your family, who can surely afford it, has not given a gift. We paid for our wedding ourselves, so we didn’t expect them to help us with that aspect.  But it would have been nice if they brought us out to dinner or SOMETHING. 

My husband’s family helped us out a great deal.  The funny thing about this is, his family is struggling more financially than mine; yet, they have been so generous with us. 

I’m sorry that your Mother-In-Law hasn’t given you both anything.  It’s a really sucky feeling.

Post # 9
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

FI’s parents haven’t even gotten us a card or anything. Not even when our shower came and went. His mother always gives everyone gifts, so I’m a little sad but, oh well I’ll remember this in the future for sure. Sorry your Future Mother-In-Law is acting that way it really does hurt especially because in years to come you won’t have anything to look back on and smile and say remember when FIL’s got that for us for our wedding gift.

Post # 10
Member
2144 posts
Buzzing bee

My Mother-In-Law gave us some money as a gift, but my SIL didn’t give us anything. However, she paid for her bridesmaid dress and the cost of flying out to where the wedding was (and renting a car, and getting a hotel) so that was more than enough for us.

 

My own mom on the other hand said her gift to us would be helping pay for the wedding. She gave us a chunk of money telling us we can use it however we’d like. She was unemployed though (and had been for 5-6mos by the time we had the wedding) so I returned what was left of the money to her and we paid off a large debt that she accumulated on my brother’s credit card using some of our gift money from other family, so by that time she hadn’t really given us a gift. It wouldn’t have bothered me if she had actually been looking for a job, but she wasn’t until just 2 or 3 months ago (which she admitted to me on the phone just last week).

Post # 11
Member
1995 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

my Mother-In-Law gave us the rehearsal dinner and 3K towards a honeymoon.  I don’t expect anything more.  She also gave me a (uhhh different) vase for my bridal shower which she couldn’t make due to flight cancellation. 

I wouldn’t worry too much.  Sure it’d be nice to get something, but maybe she’s making you a nice photo book for Christmas or a quilt or something.  I may be dreaming here!!  but I’d let it go!

Post # 12
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

None of our parents bought us a gift, but my parents hosted the wedding and his parents hosted the rehearsal dinner. So I actually didn’t even think about it until I read this thread. But that is very unfortunate that they didn’t get you a gift, esp. if they haven’t even made a gesture to congratulate you 🙁

Post # 13
Member
2395 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

My in-laws traveled 8 hours in the middle of winter over several trecherous mountain passes to get to our wedding…so, no.  I was definitely not expecting a wedding gift.  Their presence and all it took to get there (travel expenses, time off from work, etc) was more than enough!

Post # 15
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

That’s really rough.  I would be hurt as well (more because of the lack of involvement and interest, but I do think not getting you guys any sort of present also feeds into that).

I would say that the way to pretend to make nice is to keep her at arms length.  Be friendly…be polite…but don’t let her into your head space.  I have a family member who does something similar to your Mother-In-Law…however, she’s managed to slip up enough times in front of others and treat others very badly…so people know what kind of person she is.  That DOES make it easier to just ignore her because others know what’s going on.  You need to realise that it’s not about you; it’s about her.  

What does your husband say?  

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