(Closed) Mother-in-Law Hijacks Photographer Plans

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should I let her take the reigns on my photographer?
    Yes : (7 votes)
    13 %
    No : (45 votes)
    87 %
  • Post # 3
    10453 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2014

    If I were you I’d check this guy out thoroughly first. If you aren’t happy with him, it’s more worth it to pay for another photographer than regret crappy photos forever – even if they were free!

    Post # 4
    277 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I’d try to get a look at his previous work. Does the photographer have a website you can check out? Since your Future Mother-In-Law knows him, is it possible to meet with him and explain what you’re looking for and see if he’d be a good fit before you actually hire him? 

     ETA: If his work really doesn’t look like what you want, I wouldn’t compromise on this. I’d tell Mother-In-Law thank you so much for the offer, but we’ve already decided on a really specific vision for this that unfortunately doesn’t match with his work. 

    Post # 5
    2750 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Photography is so important.  Definitely check up on this guy, his portfolio, his reviews and even his cost (even if Future Mother-In-Law is offering to pay). In my experience and opinion, it saves a whole lot of head and heartache if you don’t rely on others to pay for anything.

    Post # 6
    2874 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    i would ask to meet the photographer and see examples of their work. Then do a bit of a comparison with other photographers in your area and see whether the one your Future Mother-In-Law wants to hire is any good

    Post # 7
    4352 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @Pinkmoon:  +1

    Find out his name. Then

    • look up reviews on weddingwire
    • look at pictures on his blog and website
    • Find out what is included in his/her most basic package and decide if that is enough coverage for you
    • If you like him/her but don’t think its enough coverage ask Future Mother-In-Law if she is willing to let you pay for an upgrade to include whatever you think is missing (extra photographer, more hours of coverage, albums, rights, DVD of images, printed proofs, engagement shoot ect.)

    If you don’t like him/her figure out why and come up with reasonable alternatives.

    • If he/she isn’t your style, find examples of photographers who are your style and see if Future Mother-In-Law is interested in paying for one of them instead
    • If he/she has bad reviews I would politely say that you had read great things about {insert better photographer here} and show her their reviews, photos ect.
    • Bonus points if her photographer is already booked for your date
    • Be prepared to pay for your alternative photographer if she doesn’t like him/her. You can’t always redirect a gift like that.

    Post # 8
    1086 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I’d nicely ask her if you could meet the photographer to go over ideas on the wedding. Tell her you’re very greatful and thank her for the offer and ask if you can meet him before hand to ask questions and give him an idea of what you want picture wise

    Post # 9
    2295 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    “That is so generous of you, thank you! I will set up a meeting to make sure he has the same type of style we were looking for in a photographer. When would be a good time for you?”

    Post # 10
    3569 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I do think this is tricky situation. That being siad I do thinks you guys deserve to get approval and be part of the process. 

    You guys still have some time, I think expectations for how the photographer will be chosen should be layed clearly so everyone knows what to expect.

    Money that comes with strings shouldn’t always be taken if it’s just going to cause by feelings and you end up with pictures you hate.

    Post # 11
    4193 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

    If you don’t like this photographer, please do not accept this gift. Hopefully she’d pay for another photographer you and Fiance like better. There have just been far too many bees with unhappy posts about their photography- you don’t get a do-over!

    Post # 12
    1737 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    My Future Mother-In-Law just pulled something similar on FI’s brother. FBIL’s fiancee has a coworker with a photography hobby who was perfectly happy to do their wedding photography as a gift to them. However, Future Mother-In-Law didn’t think a hobbyist was good enough, so she went ahead and hired a pro. She told Future Brother-In-Law she was going to do it, but he and his fiancee didn’t get a chance to meet the photog or anything before Future Mother-In-Law went ahead and signed the contract. Future Brother-In-Law was pissed. The pics turned out great, and they were really happy with her, but they did resent not being part of the selection process.

    Also, my dad has a coworker who does pro photography, and when I first got engaged he called and said she had offered to do our wedding photography for 50% off her usual fee since she knew my dad. He said he could give her the money that very day, and did I want him to go ahead and write the check? I felt terrible saying no but photography is just too important to me to make that decision without meeting the person or seeing their work! So I told him to let me do some shopping around and I’d let him know. Good thing I did that, because I went to her website and I HATED her style. It was not what I was looking for at all.

    You definitely, definitely want to meet the photographer and see their work before you make a huge decision like this. It might turn out great, like it did for my Future Brother-In-Law, or it could be a potential disaster like I almost had! The only way to tell is to see for yourself.

    Post # 13
    407 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    @NAvery:  This. You’re such a genius.

    Post # 14
    2295 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @cerenatee:  Haha, thanks. I am not a natural people person, so I have to work really hard to phrase my communication well so people don’t think I’m a biotch. In so many situations, the answer may be the same, but it’s ALL in how you deliver the message. That’s why I find it really helpful to give exact phrasing rather than just my general opinion.

    Not going to end well: “Well, I’m really particular about photography and don’t want to use him if his photos are bad. I’m going to have to research him and then I’ll let you know if we like him.”

    Has a shot of ending well: “Thank you, that is so nice of you! Fiance and I have looked at a bunch of photographers and know this is a really generous gift. We also noticed there were different styles of photographers and there were some we preferred. Can I show you some of the styles we like, and then maybe we can meet with him to see if he’ll be able to do that before we ask him to block out the day?”

    Same process & end in mind, very different reception by the gift giver.

    Post # 15
    705 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I would request to meet with him first! See some of his work, and then go from there 🙂 If photo’s are the most important thing for you, then you want to make sure that they are unbelievable!

    Post # 16
    4951 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    @kellsweddingbells:  Check into the guy..if you like him, go for it. If not, I’d kindly say that you really appreciate the gesture, but have your heart set on so-and-so to do the photography (or you want a particular photographer based on his particular style).

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