(Closed) Mother in law is making our wedding cake

posted 6 years ago in Family
  • poll: Should I ask mother in law to pay us back?

    Yes, it was clearly meant as a gift

    No

  • Post # 2
    Member
    1202 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    View original reply
    neaira:  You want your Mother-In-Law to pay YOU back for YOUR wedding cake? Yeah – don’t ask.

    You would have had to pay for a cake either way. Asking her to reimburse you can only seem entitled and ungrateful. Not a great foot to start out on with your new Mother-In-Law. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    368 posts
    Helper bee

    You say those are filling ingredients.  You’re not paying for the whole cake.  She’s making the cake and having done the same for my son and daughter-in-law’s wedding, I can assure you it’s labor intensive.  You may be able to spend the same amount and get a professionally made cake in your area, but it wouldn’t be nearly as good.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2527 posts
    Sugar bee

    Noooooo…don’t ask. It’s your cake. Wedding cakes are labor intensive. She’s still doing you quite a favor. What kind of cake could you buy for $72? That’s quite a great deal!

    Post # 5
    Member
    6331 posts
    Bee Keeper

    If you couldn’t afford the ingredients when she asked, you should’ve told her. That way, she could find another way to get them or find alternatives. If she lives so far away from you, how is she getting the ingredients from you after you buy them? 

    How many people are you having at your wedding? $72 doesn’t sound like that much for a sizable wedding cake. I would let it be. She’s still gifting the labor and the more basic ingredients. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    30392 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    That would be really petty of you. Don’t ask.

    Post # 7
    Member
    7951 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    Wedding cakes are a LOT of work! No, do not ask her to reimburse you for the ingredients. She is doing a lot for you and as perfect or imperfect as it turns out it will be much more special than a cake made by anyone else. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    4044 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Don’t ask. You don’t even know what will happen when she comes to town and asks for the ingredients. She may very well pay you back. And if not…move on.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2769 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    I would worry that if she had bought the cream etc and driven it ten hours to you, it would have been rancid. I understand it sucks to have expenses you weren’t expecting last minute – but you can squeeze through and it would do your relationship with your in laws wonders.

    Post # 11
    Member
    7951 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    View original reply
    neaira:  It’s quite common for the bride’s parents to be more involved in wedding planning and expenses than groom’s parents, so don’t take offense if your FI’s mother was more involved in her daughter’s wedding, especially if she is fairly traditional–that’s the norm in many places/cultures. Deep breaths, and enjoy your day!!

    Post # 12
    Member
    591 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    Although she should pay you back, no way should you ask.  I realize that you are on a tight budget and like I said she absolutely should pay you back, but you cannot ask her to. 

    I also agree that mothers of brides are more involved than mothers of grooms, and rightfully so because you really do NOT want your Future Mother-In-Law too involved in YOUR wedding, believe me I’ve seen too many situations where that just doesn’t work.  Good luck and congrats.

    Post # 13
    Member
    2769 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    I would feel no shame in feeding your FI’s family cheaply in the leadup to the wedding! Also I would leave the receipt in with the bag of groceries for the cake. Just saying. It’s rude of you to ask her for the money, but it is okay to leave a couple hints here and there.

    Post # 14
    Member
    222 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    If she offered to make your cake, as in you didn’t ask her, then yes she should pay you back. And hopefully she will. I probably wouldn’t go as far as asking her for the money back. Like a pp said, I would include the receipt with the items and hope she takes the hint. I made my cousins wedding cake and yes, it was very labor intensive (and a huge cake big enough to feed 200 people) but I knew that going in and I’m sure she does too so I feel people are being a little harsh in implying that you would be ungrateful in hoping you get your money back. She offered to make it which now makes that an extra expense that you didn’t plan for. I hope it works out. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    8408 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    View original reply
    neaira:  It’s nice of you to let his family stay with you, and to feed them. I remember the early days and how tough it was being on a tight budget. Things usually get better with time. You gain experience at your job, and get promotions and better jobs…. In 10 or 20 years, you will look back and think, “Remember how hard things were? That $72 put such a dent in our budget! But we made it through, and now we are enjoying a comfortable life together.” Congratulations, and best wishes for a happy life with your new husband.

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