Mother-in-law issues… Possible Alzheimers?

posted 4 weeks ago in Wellness
Post # 2
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Does she have a history of being manipulative? It is not outside the realm of possibility that some of these instances were attention seeking.

I don’t have any advice about the possible alzheimer’s aspect, but the rest of this situation sounds like emotional incest to me. She’s putting her son in the role of spouse. Y’all need to put some serious boundaries in place. How did you not freak out when you found out that she tracks his location?

Post # 3
Member
784 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

As far as the Find friends, your Fiance can turn it off on his end. Click on the individual, choose more, and select “stop sharing my location”.

As far as the cognitive decline (Alzheimer’s can only be definitively diagnosed on autopsy), it’s hard to tell. I echo the PP about considering that she’s just manipulative and ignoring any boundaries. and you’ll have to let your Fiance and Future Brother-In-Law in law deal with it. Does Future Brother-In-Law share your concerns?

Post # 4
Hostess
8973 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle

I’m going to ignore the whole overbearing part and focus on the Alzheimer’s/Dementia part…

Do you know if she’s been forgetting words? Has her sentence structure changed? What about her signature or handwriting? If she really is locking herself out all the time, that’s a huge red flag to me. IDK how to approach the subject with her, but I think it should be done by your Fiance and your Future Brother-In-Law, not you. But, there are some at home tests she can do to help assess if there is a cognitive decline, and if she should seek further medical help.

Link to the SAGE test:

https://wexnermedical.osu.edu/brain-spine-neuro/memory-disorders/sage

Post # 8
Member
784 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

leesahmarie :  with your updates, it def seems like cognitive decline is to be considered. See if you can nudge FH and Future Brother-In-Law to act on it over the holidays when you’ll presumably be around her a lot more.

My mom is showing signs of decline (she’s 74) and my father was recently diagnosed with Parkinson’s so I get it. These holidays are going to be an attempt to unbiasedly observe circumstances and then decide (with my sisters and our spouses) what we should be doing, if anything, at this stage.

Post # 10
Member
784 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

leesahmarie :  well, I don’t think you are out of bounds to approach FH and Future Brother-In-Law about the driving. We did the same with DH’s Gram when everyone else thought she was still ok to drive after 3 accidents. NOPE.

Post # 12
Member
750 posts
Busy bee

Has she had any recent medication changes? That might account for what, by your account, sounds like a rapid cognitive decline. Alzheimer’s dementia is much more gradual than these kinds of changes occurring over a month or two. It’s also possible that she had a T.I.A. (Thanks to the site for making me put periods in) or something that could have caused vascular dementia. Another possibility could be pseudementia – depression in the elderly can look like dementia. 

At any rate, a full workup is definitely in order. 

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