Mother in law: "it is not your child"

posted 6 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
276 posts
Helper bee

Your MIL sounds horrible. Get your husband to talk to her, she is so rude. I’m sorry for your loss and that you have to face this in such a hard time. 

Post # 3
4178 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

NoaMarijn :  your MIL sounds like a horrible person …  I’m suming she is not a dog person as well. .. Im sorry I dont have any advice. My dog is my furbaby… i would tell her off. Better yet just have you husband tell her off in what ever way he sees fit. 

Post # 4
4164 posts
Honey bee

NoaMarijn :  what a witch! I’d say “don’t worry when you get sick and old and die I’ll be sure not to change any plans or take time to care for you or mourn you.” A family member is a family member no matter the species. I’m very sorry for what you are going through with your pup. 

Post # 5
37 posts
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Historical park

I’m so sorry, bee. Sending big hugs. Spending time with your dog is important, especially right now.

I’m a dog owner and lover, and you know what I love the most about dogs? They, for the most part, love you unconditionally. Unlike some people I’m sure that we all know. Ugh. I’m sorry. 

Post # 6
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

I’m going to go against the grain here and say your MIL is right, I have dogs myself but I’d never sacrifice time with my family for them.

How would you feel if the situation was flipped and your family didn’t come to see you because their pet was getting to the end of their life?

i don’t think she was trying to be horrible, instead to try to remind you, you have a family who love you and want you to be with them 

Post # 7
439 posts
Helper bee

NoaMarijn :  she’s not a dog person. Try to let it go and enjoy your time with your pup.

Post # 8
3029 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

whoswho :  case in point that there are dog owners and then there are dog people. I’d assume the OP would understand if the situation were reversed. I know I would. 

What makes the dogs not the OP’s family? The fact that they’re not the same species? Or not blood related? Family doesn’t have to be by birth – it’s who you care for and love and for us dog people, dogs very much fit that description. 

Op, if I were you I’d tell my husband he better check his mom, because if I heard a comment like that more than once my relationship with my MIL would be very very different. My in laws aren’t dog people either, but I am, and they’ve learned they just need to respect that because it’s not changing. My dogs ARE my family and they are just as important, or more, than extended family – possibly more because they rely on me while extended family does not. 

Post # 9
6252 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

whoswho : How would you feel if the situation was flipped and your family didn’t come to see you because their pet was getting to the end of their life?

I’d get it.  I wouldn’t want them to remember my birthday party as the reason they weren’t there when their pet died.  Breaks my heart just thinking about it.

LilliV :  love it.  I’d just add to that by injecting the line “since you’re not my child..” in there.

Post # 10
297 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

NoaMarijn :  I am sorry your dog isn’t well 🙁

My uncle used to be like your MIL – until his dog died and he was a sobbing mess for days. Some people don’t get until/unless they’ve been in the situation themselves. Just tell her to shut up and put on her big girl panties – it is not all about her.

Post # 11
139 posts
Blushing bee

whoswho :  when you get a dog or any other pet, you make a commitment to them. You promise to care and be there for them.  Pets become like family, especially when you’ve had them a long time. Her niece is only 6, not a big milestone and I’m sure there will be many others birthdays to celebrate with. OP could also make plans to celebrate with her another day.

Post # 12
392 posts
Helper bee

carolinabelle :  Dogs aren’t people.  Saying you value your dogs more than your extended family is an eccentric thing to say at best.  This board condemned the behavior of a Bridesmaid that wanted to go check on her dog every hour or two during a wedding, but somehow OP should refrain from attending a birthday party for her niece? 

Dogs aren’t children and it’s not healthy to act like they are.  Dogs are lovely companions, but it’s not remotely appropriate to equate the loss of a pet to that of a child. It’s insulting and offensive to those who have experienced the loss of a child in their family. We don’t know the family history of OP’s family, but in family’s like mine that have experienced untimely deaths of young people, choosing a dog over family would be wholly unacceptable. The MIL is right although a little insensitive in her delivery. 

Post # 14
4743 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

NoaMarijn :  Enjoy every precious moment remaining with your beloved dog.  Great big hugs to you from a fellow dog person.  Dogs are family to us, too.

Post # 15
257 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I’m from a family of dog lovers so I completely understand why you would stay home. Your MIL just doesn’t understand.  

I orginally wanted a destination wedding but when I put it to my mum she was quite worried about her dog. He is afraid of kennels/crates and is a rescue. So I found a venue that would allow my mum to check on him through the day. Some people would think I’m wrong but honestly sometimes you have to put the welfare of your pet before others. They may not be children but they are dependant. 

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