Mother in law: "it is not your child"

posted 6 months ago in Relationships
Post # 76
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

My dogs are apart of my Husband and I’s lives. They might not be humans, but that doesn’t change the fact that we are their owners, their caregivers, their protecters, and their family. If one of us have to stay home or leave an event early so be it. My DH always refers to our pets are the kids, because in a way they are our children. I’m mom and he’s dad.

Don’t let your MIL hurt your feelings by telling you that they aren’t as important as a human child. They are. Your DH knows you and should stand up to his mom inreguards to her demeaning you this way.

Be there for your pup.

Post # 77
2912 posts
Sugar bee

I’m sorry to hear about that. The fact that she knows you cannot have children adds additional cruelty to her words. Ignore her and enjoy your day with your furbaby. I’m sorry he’s so sick. Hugs! 

I would say nothing more to her about it. Tell her you’ve made your decision and she needs to back off. If you have the energy you can remind her about Disneyland and the fact that she commented about children when you can’t have them is unacceptable to you. I notice a shift when I calmly but firmly say that something is simply not acceptable to people. 

Take care. 

Post # 78
9418 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Obviously dogs are not kids but they are still a part of your family and putting them down is devastating. And you owe it to your pet to give them the best care you can at the end of their life, for all the unconditional love theyve given you! That kid is not going to remember who is at their damn 6th bday. Just ignore your MIL.

Post # 79
2376 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

NoaMarijn :  Uggg…that just makes my heart hurt even more than your MIL said that knowing you are having issues TTC.  I am so thankful that both sides of our families are very much dog people.  Well, most. lol My dad grew up on a farm so it still kills him to have pets in the house, or *gasp* sleep on our bed with us, but he’s quickly becoming a softie!

Your little dog is a cutie!  Mine is a HUGE lap dog (part dane/boxer).  When people ask what her mix is, we joke around and tell them she’s part dane, part boxer, and part tiny dog because all she wants to do is curl up in our laps. lol

Post # 80
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I’m so sorry to hear about your dog. To be honest, even if you called your dog, your child, so what. I treat mine like my baby and the thought of losing her would be unbearable. I had a nightmare last night about her and woke up very upset and had to check she was okay. 

Yoir mother in law doesn’t sound like a particularly caring person. Sorry. You do though, stay with your dog :).

Post # 81
425 posts
Helper bee

Aw, I’m sorry bee! I have a human child and still refer to my dog as a second child. Dogs are absolutely part of the family! It’s up to you to decide how you grieve for a sick/lost dog, not your mother in law. 

Post # 82
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Your MIL sounds horrible. Your dying pet or your nieces 6th bday party? Not even a decision. On top of that, your niece understands!! Your MIL completely made up that she’d be upset over it. She sounds like she just wants drama. I’d stop talking to her for a while. 

Post # 83
1151 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

whoswho :  I respectfully disagree with everything you said.  My dog had an infected corneal ulcer during Christmas and could have lost his eye if it wasn’t treated properly.  He needed eye drops every 2-4 hours on the dot.  The vet said if it got worse, I had to bring him into the ER at her hospital and make sure he’s well-rested and not disturbed.  So, I skipped out on spending Christmas with DH’s family and my own family, because I didn’t want to be far away from his treating vet.  You know what?  No one judged me.  Everyone was super sympathetic and felt horrible.  Everyone checked up on my dog and me.  A caring family member would understand how devastated you are when you see your pet is sick and if they had any sort of empathy, they would offer their kind words and condolences instead of passing judgment on you.  I would completely understand if a family member couldn’t come to a celebration, because something bad was happening to them.  It doesn’t matter if you’re a dog person or not, it’s about whether you’re a compassionate and empathetic person.


OP, I’m sorry your MIL was so cruel in her words.  She really needs to have more empathy for you.  However, I would ask your DH to take up with her.  He should have a talking with her on your behalf. I get along with my MIL very well, but the one or two times, she made any sort of snide comment to me, DH jumped in and called her out.    

Post # 84
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I cannot believe she said that to you! And im sorry, Dogs may not be children, but they are a huge part of the family, DH and I do not have any children but we have a dog that we love! I would be devasted if anything happened to her, and you are completely in the right to do what you think is right for your puppy. Im sorry hes not well 🙁 Stay strong bee

Post # 85
801 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

NoaMarijn :  I think your MIL is insensitive and could learn a thing or two from your sweet niece. I’m so sorry about your dog.

Post # 86
463 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

chocochai :  Uhh, obviously the truth is not good enough in this situation. So avoid the drama and ruffled feathers. Tell a fib. 

Post # 87
2387 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

People who have a lack of empathy for animals are seriously strange to me.

To that dog, you are its whole life. The niece will have another birthday.

Post # 88
2387 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Also to this: “How would you feel if the situation was flipped and your family didn’t come to see you because their pet was getting to the end of their life?”

I would send them a sympathy card and tell them I was really sorry for their loss 

Post # 90
3029 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

NoaMarijn :  oh bee, I am so so sorry to read your update ☹️. I’m sure it’s little comfort right now, but the fact that you were there for and holding him made it the best possible passing he could have had. You were a great dog mom (yes, mom) to him and I’m sure he felt very loved. Best wishes for strength and peace right now. 

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