Mother in law nightmare please help!

posted 3 months ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
331 posts
Helper bee

You have a FI problem, not a FMIL problem. Until you and your FI are on the same page, nothing else matters.  

Post # 3
Member
28 posts
Newbee

You need to stop your FMIL from inviting people to your wedding that you do not want to invite.  Your fiance needs to speak with his mother and tell her that she can not invite people to the wedding.  Nor should she have any control over any presents people wish to send to you.  Your fiance needs to speak with his mother and be clear and firm.  If he doesn’t, you don’t have a FMIL problem, you have a fiance problem.

Post # 4
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Agree. This is a big FI problem. You can’t have a marriage if he lets her walk all over him. He needs to be firm about the invites.

The bank account thing is sketchy as hell. She can’t even deposit checks with your name on them. This needs to be stopped now. I can’t believe he would consider this reasonable. You’re not children. It’s your money. 

Nightmare FI/mom relationship. 

Post # 5
Member
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Bigger issue is FI just letting his mom do this instead of putting a stop to it. If he doesnt start putting his foot down on these matters then this will be a huge point of contention your entire marriage. Your fmil is also nuts…she cant just invite people to your wedding or deposit checks in your name….i hate to think she will ask people to deposit directly into an account or something along those lines. 

Post # 10
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

It’s not fair to have a wedding and not invite his family. So yah, it sounds like a terrible idea. Have the wedding you want, and when your FMIL pushes boundaries, get your fiancé to man up. 

You’ve given lots of reasons why it’s best to keep her out of planning, but no good reasons to keep her from witnessing your vows. Don’t cut his family out. He just needs to man up and keep her checked from you know, opening a bank account for you and inviting everyone she knows. Boundaries. 

But again, your latest idea is a big fail IMO. 

Post # 11
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Also

So I just need to do this extremely careful but this wouldn’t have happened if she would have just accepted the fact it’s our wedding not hers”

This is wrong. The correct statement is: this wouldn’t have happened if my fiancé could just say no. He’s literally telling you to give in to her because she’s an alcoholic. Are you sure you want to be involved with a man who tells you to “just accept things” because she’s an addict? Think of your future kids and life and all other decisions that will come up as you grow older. He needs to be able to keep boundaries. 

Post # 12
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Another post about a FI with no backbone. What is going on with the bee lately? 

Your idea to have separate ‘parties’ is awful. That’s basically asking for a fight. FI is obviously capable of standing up to her (as noted in your post update) so he needs to sit her down (preferably sober) and set out very clear guidelines about the WHOLE wedding.

It’s obvious this woman is desperate to feel included in your wedding so give her some non-critical responsibilities it might help keep her drinking to a minimum too? Failing that, elope. 

Post # 13
Member
3680 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

Stop sharing any details with her. Don’t have separate parties, terrible idea. Get on the same page with your FI. If he’s telling you to just let her do it you’re not on the same page and his foot isn’t down. Invite who you choose bc you’re paying. You have complete control over the guest list. Unless she’s crazy enough to create and send her own invites or the recipients are rude enough to attend without a formal invite if she only tells them verbally then extra guests aren’t happening. Agree with others, this is mainly a FI problem.

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