Post # 1
Okay, my fiancé and I are getting married December 1st 2017, we both agreed we wanted a small reception we’re having a private ceremony at the courthouse. So for the reception we planned on about 50 people it’s a small back yard wedding not much to it but it’s perfect for us. I have been trying to include my FMIL as much as I can, and she has now gone off to say she has started inviting other people from different states, which we didn’t want and we were clear about the 50 people max and she still doesn’t care. She has gone on to say we still need invitations so we can get money from relatives so we can buy a house. Okay so my problem is, we’re happily living in a apt and not even looking to buy a house right now, also I don’t want to ask people for money this seems super off to me and the FMIL also went on to say she will be openening a bank account to put all the money she receives in there. She is not a trustworthy person and I don’t want people sending money to her thinking it’s to us and us never get it, this is absolutely boggling my mind. My Fi says just let her do it and I can’t bite my tongue anymore. We’re paying for the wedding ourself no one is contributing except my aunt with her backyard, we like to try to do things ourself it’s easier since we don’t have to rely on anyone and even if she did pitch in money for the extra guest there is not that much room, what do I do ?
Post # 2
You have a FI problem, not a FMIL problem. Until you and your FI are on the same page, nothing else matters.
Post # 3
You need to stop your FMIL from inviting people to your wedding that you do not want to invite. Your fiance needs to speak with his mother and tell her that she can not invite people to the wedding. Nor should she have any control over any presents people wish to send to you. Your fiance needs to speak with his mother and be clear and firm. If he doesn’t, you don’t have a FMIL problem, you have a fiance problem.
Post # 4
Agree. This is a big FI problem. You can’t have a marriage if he lets her walk all over him. He needs to be firm about the invites.
The bank account thing is sketchy as hell. She can’t even deposit checks with your name on them. This needs to be stopped now. I can’t believe he would consider this reasonable. You’re not children. It’s your money.
Nightmare FI/mom relationship.
Post # 5
Bigger issue is FI just letting his mom do this instead of putting a stop to it. If he doesnt start putting his foot down on these matters then this will be a huge point of contention your entire marriage. Your fmil is also nuts…she cant just invite people to your wedding or deposit checks in your name….i hate to think she will ask people to deposit directly into an account or something along those lines.
Post # 6
My FI is no doubt a mamas boy, but since he has been with me he does put his foot down more. He has told her your not inviting anybody and if you don’t like it don’t come. When he told me to just let her do it, it’s because she is also a alcoholic and he tells me not to waste my time fighting with her over it. Today has been extremely stressful because everyone has just told me I’m better off eloping but I have so many ideas I want to bring to life, so I have come up with an idea to have the reception at my aunts house but have it be only my family and then go out to dinner with his family the next day. FI seems to be on board but I’m just nervous because I don’t want to make it like I’m more keen to my family than his. And his family won’t come unless his mom is there as well. So I just need to do this extremely careful but this wouldn’t have happened if she would have just accepted the fact it’s our wedding not hers. Does this sound like a terrible idea?
Post # 10
It’s not fair to have a wedding and not invite his family. So yah, it sounds like a terrible idea. Have the wedding you want, and when your FMIL pushes boundaries, get your fiancé to man up.
You’ve given lots of reasons why it’s best to keep her out of planning, but no good reasons to keep her from witnessing your vows. Don’t cut his family out. He just needs to man up and keep her checked from you know, opening a bank account for you and inviting everyone she knows. Boundaries.
But again, your latest idea is a big fail IMO.
Post # 11
“So I just need to do this extremely careful but this wouldn’t have happened if she would have just accepted the fact it’s our wedding not hers”
This is wrong. The correct statement is: this wouldn’t have happened if my fiancé could just say no. He’s literally telling you to give in to her because she’s an alcoholic. Are you sure you want to be involved with a man who tells you to “just accept things” because she’s an addict? Think of your future kids and life and all other decisions that will come up as you grow older. He needs to be able to keep boundaries.
Post # 12
Another post about a FI with no backbone. What is going on with the bee lately?
Your idea to have separate ‘parties’ is awful. That’s basically asking for a fight. FI is obviously capable of standing up to her (as noted in your post update) so he needs to sit her down (preferably sober) and set out very clear guidelines about the WHOLE wedding.
It’s obvious this woman is desperate to feel included in your wedding so give her some non-critical responsibilities it might help keep her drinking to a minimum too? Failing that, elope.
Post # 13
- Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course
Stop sharing any details with her. Don’t have separate parties, terrible idea. Get on the same page with your FI. If he’s telling you to just let her do it you’re not on the same page and his foot isn’t down. Invite who you choose bc you’re paying. You have complete control over the guest list. Unless she’s crazy enough to create and send her own invites or the recipients are rude enough to attend without a formal invite if she only tells them verbally then extra guests aren’t happening. Agree with others, this is mainly a FI problem.