(Closed) Mother in law not coming to Bridal Shower

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Hmm. Seems a little weird to me, yeah. Do you feel comfortable enough in your relationship with her to ask her directly? Maybe you could say something like, “It would be so nice if you could come, I’ve really been looking forward to this opportunity to get to know you better.”

Post # 4
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Yeah MILs are definitely supposed to be there! Maybe she doesn’t feel included right now and wanted to be? What if one of your bridesmaids reached out to her to ask her to help out in some way, that way she would feel like she is a part of everything? Or I would do as @Bubu82 suggested and just ask her directly and let her know you want her to be there

Post # 5
Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

That’s a little odd, but it doesn’t sound like a personal affront.  I agree with having Fiance or a bridesmaid reach out.  I had two showers, one in DH’s hometown, thrown by his mother and sister (also a BM), and one thrown by my best friend/BM in my hometown.  My mother came to both, but DH’s mother didn’t even think of coming to the one in my town, just because it didn’t occur to her.  She’s very practical and kind of a wedding newbie, and I think it just didn’t even occur to her that as the parents of the groom they could/should attend both showers (the one in my hometown was a couples shower).  I do think if it’s bugging you that she won’t be there, you should say something.

Post # 5
Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

grr double post

Post # 6
Member
51 posts
Worker bee

I can understand her not wanting to come to the shower or being uncomfortable about coming.  You are most likely going to be getting a whole lot of lingerie and she might be comfortable seeing you open up a tiny teeny nightgowns and knowing you will be wearing them for her son. Maybe you could suggest a lunch with just the two of you or the women in her family.

Post # 7
Member
311 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

She shouldn’t think that she should not be there. The last bridal shower I was at was depressing-ly large. There were probabaly 100 women there. I don’t that most people consider them to be ‘intimate’ events. Maybe your Future Mother-In-Law thinks that they are.

Post # 8
Member
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

This is a little odd. Mothers and  Mother in laws are absolutely supposed to be at the showers. If your offended I would just let her know that its important to you that she is there. I can see why you would be offended!!

@loves day:I have never been to a bridal shower where the bride recieved a lot of lingerie. That is mostly if your friends do something, or the bach party. Bridal showers are traditionally to set up the new couple in their house with the house things that they need like dishes, kitches appliances, curtans etc. 

Post # 9
Member
5183 posts
Bee Keeper

maybe your Mother-In-Law is all of those above mentioned things and feeling all of the above mentioned or maybe shes just a bitch, like mine. Either way… at least now you don’t have to blush as much opening up sexy gifts!

Post # 10
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I have heard of situations like this. It’s her loss that she is missing out on these events 🙁

Post # 11
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I know I don’t know her but I wonder if she’s trying to get pity and attention like “pleeeease come to my shower, I would love it if you came!! PLEASE??”

You shouldn’t have to beg her, she was invited so how is she confused about whether or not she’s invited? You shouldn’t have to give her her very own super special personal invitation. She’s been asked to participate and out of respect for her son and for you, she should just do it. She’s not into weddings, ok… but she’s into her family right? Well this is a family event.

I understand missing it for a legit reason, but this just sounds like she’s just being a brat about it, sorry I know she’s your Future Mother-In-Law… but I would be offended. (My Future Mother-In-Law is like this as well, doesn’t care at all about any of it, and for some reason she can’t just smile and pretend she’s having fun like I would do for her?)

Post # 12
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

It totally sucks that she dosent want to be there but you cant force her. sadly its her dicision to make. as much as it sucks unless you confront her about it and be frank about your feelings she may never know and or care that she is hurting your feelings by not attending…

Post # 13
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yes, it’s possible she really doesn’t know that she would be invited to the shower, or that you were looking forward to spending more time with her at that event. Some people really just don’t think about these things.

I guess I’m just saying, I would first try to chalk this one up to being uninformed about weddings, not some other nefarious reason.

Post # 14
Member
780 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Personally- I agree with @loves day – she is probably uncomfortable with the idea of buying you or looking at lingerie.  She probably doesn’t mean to be rude.  I think it is a great idea to do another ‘get to know each other’ activity with Future Mother-In-Law.  My Future Mother-In-Law and I are going to took at accessories for the wedding and then go to lunch together as one example.

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