Mother-in-law obsessed with granchild

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 17
Member
5876 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

zanyapple :  Ugh, that sounds really rough.  I agree with your assessment that your Mother-In-Law is bored and has nothing better to do, and therefore, her normal level of grandchild obession has gone off the charts.  

I think it’s going to be really hard to do anything that will change the situation without your Mother-In-Law fundamentally changing her priorities (getting a job or a new hobby or a boyfriend or a dog or something).  You could try to have your Darling Husband talk to her, but I doubt you’ll get through to her.  I’ll bet she’s always been like this in some way, right?

Pray for your SIL to have a baby.

Post # 18
Member
6432 posts
Bee Keeper

zanyapple :  establish boundaries!!! You are the parent not her. Fuck her and her facetime and wants every single minute! Sorry. But I hate pushy people and you’re letting her run all over you. Ignore her texts or get your Darling Husband to tell his mom to back off!

Post # 19
Member
6630 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

For me, rather than thinking of this as a grandmother expressing whatever emotion toward her grandchild, I would treat this as I would anyone who had a lot of free time on their hands and a poor sense of boundaries. It’s not your job (nor your husband’s and certainly not the baby’s) to fill whatever holes this woman has in her calender and her psyche. I would set a scheduled time once a week (if you can stand that much) where she gets to FaceTime with the baby for a few minutes. Otherwise,  I would not make it a priority to be available to take her calls or present the baby for interactions. Seriously- she isn’t that obsessed with that baby. She just needs some business of her own to mind and has fixated on your child.

The accusatory tone would bug me but I’d just ignore it unless she got more direct about it. (I have a relative who does that about everything, too. Strangely, compaining hasn’t yet proven to be an effective way to get people to desire more time in your company. Who would’ve thought.) 

Post # 20
Member
2707 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

Your baby is not her Prozac and not responsible for her feelings.  You’ve got some really great advice here and I would also suggest going across to the DWIL board at the babycenter website – they are experts in dealing with BSC grandparents.  It sounds like you and your husband are on the same page, which is a great start.  I do disagree with TwilightRarity about setting a schedule for FaceTime, because then if something comes up which means you can’t stick to the schedule, she’ll throw the mother of all hissy fits because she’s become entitled to “her time”.  Tell her you’ll FaceTime when it’s convenient for you, nothing more.  

My immediate suggestions are: block her on your phone.  Let your Darling Husband deal with her completely, because she’s going to drive you crazy.  If he chooses to ignore her calls and texts, that’s on him then.  Also consider restricting her on social media, if you post photos and videos – it will only feed her obsession.  

Oh and she shouldn’t be staying at your house, when she comes to visit (you haven’t mentioned if she does or not).

Post # 21
Member
9461 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

zanyapple :  “He does think his mother is annoying, but he says he would rather ignore her than deal with her. He thinks it’s much easier that way.”

he grew up with this woman–perhaps he’s figured out the most effective method to deal with her.  I’d just follow his lead.

Post # 22
Member
3254 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

cameobride :  I noticed when Dear Daughter turned 1 she wasn’t as obsessed. I never said anything because eventually it turned into her offering to watch Dear Daughter one night a week… which became date night. So everyone wins. The Facebook posting slowed down but still happens. 

Post # 23
Member
3683 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

This is not healthy or normal behavior.  My husband’s parents are crazy about my son, but they’re not fucking stalkers like your Mother-In-Law sounds. 

Set some hard boundaries.  You really should’ve started this when she was insisting on being present for any ultrasounds.  If she throws a fit, let her.  Start imposing punishments for her not behaving, including not letting her have any contact with the baby.  She’ll either fall in line or miss out on your daughter growing up.  Really, would that be so bad?

Post # 24
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee

Sorry I can’t give you any advice on this you haven’t already received, but for the mere interest: What does your Mother-In-Law do, when facetiming your daughter? Is she just talking to a baby who cannot respond until she gets tired of it? undecided

Post # 25
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

aventurin :  haha I was wondering the same thing. How.old is your baby OP? Having to hold a phone in front of an infant as someone tries to interact with them for an extended period of time on FaceTime sounds annoying. 

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