(Closed) Mother In Law Problems

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 2
30388 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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alwaysmsh:  No problems here.

Post # 3
1161 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Yes, we’ve definitely had problems with the in-laws (as my prior posts will show), and I believe the problems will continue under the surface for many years to come. There were tense times between Fiance and I because of it, but never because of each other. Usually we just went on with our lives and found ourselves to be much happier. I am actually very thankful for what I learned through this whole process, and I know that Fiance will stand up for me at all times, even against his family. I think it has actually strengthened our relationship and prepared us better for the long haul!

Post # 4
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

I feel really lucky that my Future Mother-In-Law is completely lovely.  She’s trying so hard not to step on my toes when it comes to wedding planning (although exerting a little more influence over Fiance when I want something that he isn’t so keen on – ie backing me up!) and I have always felt welcome in their family.  Very, very lucky!

Post # 5
1466 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

My mother-in-law and I have not seen things eye-to-eye in the past, though that was mostly 2 – 3 years ago. I think she started getting anxious that her son wasn’t proposing, and I was getting to the point that I could no longer totally conceal my unhappiness with it (I never divulged the source of my unhappiness; they deduced, rather correctly, what it was on their own. I started avoiding family get-togethers because we were the only ones who weren’t married, and because his family didn’t treat us better until after we were married).

I think the no-engagement started putting strain on her because for some reason, they’re convinced that their son could never again find somebody else (to be fair, he is a loner). She started getting nosy, asking me invasive questions, and asking him things about me. What really pissed me off is that she found some of my old writing (something I do for a living), decided it was about him (it didn’t even *have* romantic overtones) and called him over for a ‘meeting’ about it behind my back (again, I think this was motivated by her “He isn’t going to propose!” fears. I think this was actually an attempt to warn him into proposing). Needless to say, I was pissed.

I found out about a year ago that she wrote him a long letter about how he needed to propose, and if he didn’t, he might find himself without me (this happened, again, 2 – 3 years ago). While on the one hand, I find it a sweet gesture, she also way overstepped.

I think she now knows that I’m aware of everything, and she has largely been great over the last 2 years. She goes out of her way to put up these gushy Facebook posts about me on my birthday, our anniversary, etc. It’s a little weird, but as far as Mother-In-Law issues go, it’s a great one to have. I am cordial to her, but we are not really close. Besides the occasional dinner out or visiting with her and hre parents, we don’t see each other that often.

I’m actually much, much closer and more comfortable with my husband’s grandparents…who are awesome.

Post # 6
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Things didn’t get “bad” with my Mother-In-Law until my LO was born. We never were close before, but she was never close with my DH either so we didn’t have to deal with her much. She always had the “you should only be so lucky to marry my son” attitude, but I could always ignore it because I knew what he and I had was real and DH and her weren’t close so I didn’t really care how she felt about me – I also didn’t take it personally. I think she would’ve felt this way about any girl her “baby” married. 

Once LO was born though, she went from being overbearing to WAY overbearing. I’m not gonna get into full detail because this post would be way too long but lets just say she oversteps her boundries a LOT and would almost say/do things to downgrade my role as dd’s mother. Like, I really felt like she thought my daughter was her child with my DH. It was weird and hurtful. DH didn’t do much to stop it and I did start resenting him for it.

Honestly, DD is 7 months old, and the only way I “deal” with it is by not really seeing her much. I don’t always go with DH for visits and I do sometimes get defensive with her when I do see her (although I try to be nice).  DH has stepped up and started defending me a lot more so my resentment for him mostly went away. But I do dread every time I have to see her. Like this Sunday for Easter…I’ve had some anxiety all week thinking about how she’s going to act. Her family all feeds into it too so I do feel like I get ganged up on. But as long as DH continues to defend me, I’ll survive it.  Wine might be helpful too 🙂

Post # 7
2592 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

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alwaysmsh:  I’m so lucky to have TWO MILs & TWO Future In-Laws. -_- Lucky my ass! lol one of my Mother-In-Law doesn’t speak to me and one won’t leave me alone lol I’m a very vocal person but I’ve been trying my best to just sit back and let things roll unless it’s something that HAS to be addressed. Basically you gotta learn to pick your battles.

Post # 8
2850 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

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We have problems with my Mother-In-Law because she is very unpredicatable. She can be kind one minute and then nasty the next. When my Mother-In-Law feels like being rude, she has no filter and makes awful comments. When my husband defends me, my Mother-In-Law behaves like a spoiled child. 

It helps so much that we live far away. We also limit our contact with my Mother-In-Law. 

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