Mother in law problems – advice please

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
999 posts
Busy bee

Good for you. The message is harsh but clear. You have every right to say what you did. I’m glad you chose to be direct. Not enough people are. 

Post # 3
Member
616 posts
Busy bee

Wow! This is pretty much what every Bee on here would like to say to their overbearing MILs but can’t. 👏🏻 for standing up for yourself. She was so out of line.

How does your husband feel about it? Did she respond? It could certainly make the situation worse, so depending how everyone feels (including you) you might want to follow up with a toned down response that makes the same point. “I am sorry if my earlier text was harsh. I was very upset when I realized you had gone through our room without permission. Perhaps you thought you were helping. However, my request that you respect us and our home stands.”

Post # 4
Member
3810 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I think you have a right to be upset at the intrusion. She had no right to go through your things without asking. My mom and mother in law have a habit of tidying up when they come over too, but it is usually limited to the kitchen. Going into your bedroom was a huge invasion of privacy. That being said…your husband should have been the one to deal with this. Everything in your message is justified, but if you truly believe her tidying up comes from a good place then I would have let your husband deal with it.

Post # 5
Member
6880 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

Why didn’t your husband say something to her? 

Post # 7
Member
235 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

Woo. You GO girl!

Post # 10
Member
1258 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
hras :  I can relate to this.

My first husbands mother would come to my house, paint walls, rearrange furniture, redecorate, fo the laundry, organize my drawers, clean, start dinner…

i would throw a fit. I was in my early 20’s and I guess felt like I needed to make my own mark on my home. Husband and I would have many a fight over that woman. I would change the locks, he would give her a key.

now, 20 years later, I wish that woman would walk into my house and take care of all those things, I use to throw a fit over her doing…

 

 

Post # 11
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Yeah, my Mother-In-Law would defo not appreciate what she would find in our bedroom drawers or under the bed. wink It would probably mortify her enough that she would never even come over to the house again, LOL

Post # 13
Member
1258 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
hras :  I get it..,really I do. I am just saying the 20 year older me, wishes I could go back and I would not have given my former mil such a hard time. She was a gem and I was too busy trying to do it myself, that I didn’t realize how great the help was. At 40, with a couple kids, a houseful of pets, you might feel very differently. 

Post # 14
Member
344 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
hras :  Oh man – good for you!

My Mother-In-Law would find far more risque items than pregnancy tests, and I think that alone would get her to stop, hehe. 

Post # 15
Member
1034 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
penny1403 :  I have to disagree. OP mil had no reason to get as invasive in her cleaning other than to boundary stomp. She gave OP less than 24 hour warning with inviting herself and numerous other people over, pushed op around in her own home, didn’t leave when originally said they were, and then went in to their bedroom and proceeded to go through their private drawers. 

OP should not have to put up with that disrespectful behavior. Especially just because “one day” her mil will be gone. Op you need to set clear healthy boundaries now, or it’ll on get worse and you’ll get resentful. Do you have kids? What happened when Mil want to play mommy? Are you going to be ok allowing her to overturn your rules and disrespect your parenting because she is Faaaamily? Gurl, no. 

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