(Closed) mother-in-law took over/I need honest thoughts please

posted 5 years ago in Family
  • poll: How can I get everything fixed without offending my soon to be mother-in-law?
    Pick everything up with a smile and sneak and fix it : (39 votes)
    74 %
    Ask her to fix it and risk her doing what she want again : (5 votes)
    9 %
    Leave it and be unhappy : (0 votes)
    leave some of the things as is and fix the most important : (9 votes)
    17 %
  • Post # 3
    2340 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I wouldn’t have let her take over something that was so important. did u tell her what u wanted and expected? I say do it over your way and explain to her what your vision was and that she didn’t fulfill it. either way she’s probably going to get offened…but u were the one who let her do it…so you’ll have to deal with that.

    Post # 4
    1935 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I wouldn’t do any of the options provided. i would pick up everything and tell her htis is not what you wanted and fix it yourself. Nothing worse than showing up onw edding day and your mother in law is shocked to see everything different. Just be honest.


    Post # 5
    1566 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @stargurl101:  I agree with this, tell her that it’s not what you wanted, and fix it yourself

    Post # 6
    2555 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    ohhhh but i thought i told you i wanted xxxx and xxxx? don’t worry though, i’ll fix it at home! thank you!

    Post # 7
    3082 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I would redo it. 

    Post # 8
    3340 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

    I wouldn’t let her try and fix it herself, but I also wouldn’t be sneaky about fixing it myself.  Be open and honest with her that she didn’t do what you wanted, and that although you appreciate her help, you will re-do it yourself.

    Post # 9
    1094 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Oh man, that sounds awful… I would just be honest and ask her why she didn’t do what you asked.  Then take it all home and do it yourself.

    Post # 12
    727 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    If it’s not a huge deal and you won’t be too disappointed with the way she did it, then just leave it.

    It seems like it’s pretty important to you though.  If that’s the case, then you should fix it yourself and gently tell her there must have been a misunderstanding of what you wanted.  And then be careful what other tasks you give her.  Assign her things you’re not too concerned about.


    Post # 13
    1810 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    It’s time to have a serious conversation:

    “FMIL, I appreciate your hard work– I really do. Everything is beautiful. However, I have a little issue. (Explain the brooch issue here.)” Then see what she says. If she says she’ll fix it, insist on fixing it together.

    If she still doesn’t get it, then maybe say something like, “Again, I want you to know that I really appreciate all of your hard work. Maybe I forgot to mention that I wanted (explain thoroughly what you wanted– again). You know, I have been so busy preparing for the wedding so maybe it just slipped my mind and I forgot to explain all the little details that are important for xyz reason.”

    I know you said you already explained to her what you wanted, so we know that you didn’t forget to tell her. But maybe if you frame it that way, it will give her an out and save her from being embarrassed.

    I assume she didn’t do this on purpose to piss you off so there must be some other reason this happened.

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